SadAndy Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 In order to move on from being dumped after a 14 year relationship I keep reading that you need to learn to love yourself in order to move on. Everytime I think about my qualities, I suddenly find myself wondering how my ex can ever have left me (I don't mean that to sound arrogant) and then the cycle of 'she'll be back starts ending only when I realise shes very happy and wont be back. Hence, new spiral of depression. How can you love yourself when the woman you love clearly found someone better, and you had done nothing wrong and given it your best? Link to comment
AutumnBorn Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 You have to accept that she did the best she could. Realizing she wasn't the right one for you and you weren't right for her doesn't mean that either one of you did anything wrong. She's done you a huge favor, giving you the opportunity to find the person that is absolutely perfect for you. You may think it was her right now, but it wasn't. Tell me ten things you didn't like about her, you found irritating, or that she did that was mean or cruel (other than breaking up). What were the qualities you wish she didn't have? Link to comment
maddyfaye Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 You have to accept that she did the best she could. Realizing she wasn't the right one for you and you weren't right for her doesn't mean that either one of you did anything wrong. She's done you a huge favor, giving you the opportunity to find the person that is absolutely perfect for you. You may think it was her right now, but it wasn't. Tell me ten things you didn't like about her, you found irritating, or that she did that was mean or cruel (other than breaking up). What were the qualities you wish she didn't have? I know how you feel. I was also in a 14 year relationship but I took her for granted and didn't appreciate what I had until it was too late. I keep beating myself up and we were soulmates. I can't think of more than a couple of things I didn't like. I suspect that he won't be able to think of more than a few as well. I still after 1.5 years think of the memories and what I lost and miss her company. I guess I was too co-dependant and needed to grow as well. Link to comment
incaangelique Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 She didn't leave for someone "better", just someone that she thinks is better for her at this stage in her life. Everyone's self esteem takes a nose dive after a break up or divorce. Link to comment
oldenoughtoknow Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 Dumped you for someone better...hum. You know, this really isn't a contest, after all. It's not like trading up houses or buying a new car. You don't read a spec sheet and pick out colors when you fall in or out of love, do you? I know I don't. So don't be so hard on yourself. You can't apply logic to affairs of the heart. And remember, just because she appears to be happy and you're sure she won't be back, doesn't make this other person "better" than you. For all you know, he may be "worse." I don't intend to sound judgmental. What I'm getting at is the other person may have all kinds of qualities that "on paper" wouldn't add up to yours - and these could be in universally undesirable qualities, like abusive behavior, addiction, a lengthy police record, etc. Who knows, maybe he sucks in bed. But in the end, none of it matters. You only have the cards you've been dealt. What you need to do is focus on getting on with your life. There is no real therapeutic value to you in analyzing her new beau's qualities or lack thereof. Yes, you do need to love yourself. Keep yourself busy and occupied. That will help you move on with your life. See and talk to family and friends more often. Go back to old activities that you used to enjoy. Or get involved in new hobbies, volunteering, etc. The idea is to keep you focused on other positive things. This might even lead to meeting new friends. The important component is to keep your mind from dwelling on the past. Before you know it, her memory will fade and your new life will emerge. Good luck. Link to comment
jenmar Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 You have to first realize that you weren't dumped for someone "better" Just think of yourself and all of your great qualities.. I am sure you have a lot of them. Just becuase your ex moved on quickly doesn't make this other person better, maybe better for your ex at the moment, but not a better person. I agree with a poster above, list all of the negatives about your ex.. but I also think you should write some positives about yourself and focus on those. You both were together for quite some time.. use these boards as a tool to help you, everyone here is going through the same thing, and we are more than happy to listen and give advice. I also find it helpful to try and give advice to others while going through a break up because you realize that you are not the only one going through this, and it makes you feel good to try and help someone and be there if needed. keep your chin up, this person isn't better than you because you are amazing! Link to comment
coolchick64 Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 You can't assume he's better in any way. At most, he's more what she wants right now, but that doesn't reflect on you or your self-worth at all. I know it's painful. I've lived through it. But it's really not about you. Link to comment
Carus Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 Thanks to everyone for the replies....I needed to read this too* Link to comment
prada Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 OP, we are in the same boat. I hate it Link to comment
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