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mayday, she contacts me on msn

manhood

By manhood
in Getting Back Together

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manhood Contributor

manhood

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Ehm I was in NC with my ex gf (I initiated it without telling) for about a month and blocked her on msn, until yesterday...I unblocked her. We were both online but said nothing to each other. This evening I was downstairs looking a tv program so my msn was set to away, now I see she asks me 'if everything is okay' (she's still online).. I thought I would be glad when she would talk with me on msn, but I've got a weird feeling about it... guess I'm nervous to really talk with her. If anyone got some advice for me, I'm still on away on msn, should I respond or wait until she goes offline?

 

short history: she dumped me this january and her sister introduced her to a new guy which is her new bf now. The even go on holiday together this july. But I'm sure he is the rebound guy. Oh yeah.. I sended her a text message on her birthday early this month but she didn't reply. Either I'm blocked on her cellphone or she didn't want to respond.. in our earlier conversations after break up, she allways made me jealous by talking about going out with her new friends, thats why I went NC with her.

 

what would you do if you were in my place?

 

- talk to her

- wait till she goes offline and send her a message then

- don't talk to her

 

I want the girl back if she ever does breakup with the rebound guy. We had a very good relationship in the past.

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Ms Darcy Mentor

Ms Darcy

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Try to think of it in a different way. Let's say that you were dating a girl and you dumped her and you started dating another girl you really liked. Would talking to the ex on MSN to say hi for a couple of minutes make you want the ex back?

 

Don't think of the future. Think of right now. She's with someone else. You don't need to be talking to her hoping to 'score some points' for the future. You don't know - she could be dating her future husband. Focus on healing.

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Chris Knows Contributor

Chris Knows

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will ignoring her now help me to get her back in the future?

 

No. But it won't do any better by responding or do any worse.

 

She is curious to why you haven't been bugging her.

 

Curiosity is all it is.

 

Once you respond and say what you have been doing, she will go back to ignoring you and you no longer exist.

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manhood Contributor

manhood

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I see, well she never ignored me and allways been friendly on msn.. I only blocked her because she was handling me as just of her normal friends, talking about fun stuff she did with her new friends and so on.

 

I think I'm gonna wait till she goes offline, then say something like 'Hey I was away, everything is fine here tnx.. Congrats with your dad' and then I go offline

 

Her dad had his birthday yesterday.

 

thanks for the responses so far

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Ms Darcy Mentor

Ms Darcy

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I think I'm gonna wait till she goes offline, then say something like 'Hey I was away, everything is fine here tnx.. Congrats with your dad' and then I go offline

 

I'm not trying to sound mean, but that adds nothing and it opens up a conversation that you might not want to have. If she responds to you next time and you ignore her, she might ask why you are ignoring her ... and then you look like you are playing games. (We see that sequence here all the time.) Seriously, knowing you want her back, you shouldn't be talking to her at all because she's in a relationship and you have another agenda.

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Ms Darcy Mentor

Ms Darcy

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hmmm yes, but it's difficult for me not to respond... she may see me then as I don't want any communication now and in the future... so she probally gonna delete me from msn then

 

There you go talking about the "future" again. Get that word out of your vocabulary! lol You need to move on now. She's getting intimate with another guy. A hi from you doesn't matter as much right now.

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Chris Knows Contributor

Chris Knows

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Yeah, I know... Well I dunno what to do... she's offline anyways now So I can leave her the short msn message or not...still dunno what to do.. lol

 

I'm moving on in my life.. I'm even looking at other women

 

Your contradicting what your saying here bro.

 

Your saying that your going to send her a message ... meaning you still are trying to gauge her interest meter.

 

But your looking at other woman.

 

A tip, don't buy into your ex's messages. If she wants to have a 'Future' she will make this happen.

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Ms Darcy Mentor

Ms Darcy

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that's true... but I don't want to ignore her either... that just ain't me.. so I think ill leave her a short offline message which she does'nt have to respond too.

 

When you are the dumpee, it's really hard to see things from another perspective. Have you ever had a girl who was more into you than you were into her?

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TheJerseyKid Explorer

TheJerseyKid

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When you are the dumpee, it's really hard to see things from another perspective. Have you ever had a girl who was more into you than you were into her?

 

^^^^ x 2. Its so hard to think from the other perspective sometimes, but really, everything you want to do in the post-break up stages is counter-intuitive. We always rationalize or convince ourselves that we just need to call them or text them or e-mail them one more time, to say one more thing, or to just get whatever out in the open. Truth is, as Darcy said, have you ever had a girl who's more into you than you were into her? If you have, you already know what we're talking about. If you haven't we'll quite frankly I'll tell you, all that extra contact (the kind that you think you need to make, or explain) really just pushes the person that much further away. I know its hard to comprehend this, but it really is how it works. I've seen it in action, and I've had it work for me.

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Chris Knows Contributor

Chris Knows

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^^^^ x 2. Its so hard to think from the other perspective sometimes, but really, everything you want to do in the post-break up stages is counter-intuitive. We always rationalize or convince ourselves that we just need to call them or text them or e-mail them one more time, to say one more thing, or to just get whatever out in the open. Truth is, as Darcy said, have you ever had a girl who's more into you than you were into her? If you have, you already know what we're talking about. If you haven't we'll quite frankly I'll tell you, all that extra contact (the kind that you think you need to make, or explain) really just pushes the person that much further away. I know its hard to comprehend this, but it really is how it works. I've seen it in action, and I've had it work for me.

 

Well said.

 

Less is always more.

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TheJerseyKid Explorer

TheJerseyKid

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Obviously every situation is different, and what works for one person, or one relationship, might not work for the next, however I can tell you this. I got my ex back after she dumped me (ironically, the one I'm now broken up with, again), and I really think what got her back was me going NC. For a week or two after the break up I was NIC, but I was just too available to her. Once I ignored a few texts, it wasn't long before I got the "hey listen if you don't want to speak to me again, please just tell me so I can stop embarresing myself" text. Once I got that, I knew she was ripe for contact, so long as I played it cool. I guess I played it cool enough, and I won her back in a very short time (about 1 month from break up - first meet post break up (which happened to be a sleepover with sex)). I know NC works, but that still doesn't make it easy! I'm at day 6 right now, and it's still hard for me, even though I've had it work before. Hell, shes broken my heart twice now, I don't even know if I would take her back, and it STILL is not easy. But you just need to stick with it, until you get the sense she is ready to open up a bit more. It's a tricky situation, trying to say the right the thing, not wanting to contact to soon or too fast, or knowing if they mean what they say. You know your ex better than any of us, so its up to you to pick up on these things. I just wanted to let everyone know that NC works, weather its to heal, to get the other person to miss you, or both.

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confused.p Rookie

confused.p

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that's true... but I don't want to ignore her either... that just ain't me.. so I think ill leave her a short offline message which she does'nt have to respond too.

 

Ok, I completely understand where you're coming from but I got some great advise and it's this: If you leave some message she may or may not respond to, you're leaving the ball in her court and then you'll prob drive yourself nuts thinking about it, wondering if she read it, what she thinks, feels, why she doesn't answer. If she does answer you probably still won't feel any better b/c it's just keeping old wounds open. It sounds harsh but if she wanted to be with you, she'd be with you. If it's meant to be, then it will be. And if she seems to be seeing this guy just to make you jealous or some other silly game, then she's immature and you can do better. Good Luck!

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