No one wants to come to my wedding

[LilyXX]

My wedding is a month away and I am really starting to panic.

 

I am not the type who enjoys being the centre of attention, so the idea of having so many people look at me completely freaks me out.

 

A lot of the people I invited are not coming and we already booked a large hall.

I keep getting e-mails of of people saying that they can make it. We have to pay for a minimum of 50 people and I don’t even think we have that many.

 

I ideally wanted a small wedding with just family and a few friends, my fiance has so many friends and more relatives than i have, so I could not tell him not to invite them. So it would be pretty much his family, his friends. From my side there is only my parents, my brother & sister and 5 of my friends. None of my family from overseas are coming and they initially said they would. Anyone else I invited are always have "valid reason they can make it", it is really unpleasant.

 

I also booked my wedding during a very busy time at work and got in trouble for needing time off. So I can’t even take the day off the day before, I probably would have to work overtime.

 

Anyway I regret they we started this whole thing because it is really stressing me out, I am actually dreading my own wedding.

[hers]

What are the reasons people are giving for not coming to your wedding?

[LilyXX]

All different reasons, they are going away that week, they have another party they have to attend, whatever...

[LilyXX]

I really don feel like inviting anyone anymore. We booked a big hall because my mother said that many of my family member are coming from overseas, now they are not coming, they can't afford it ;(

[misssmithviii]

I'm so sorry I can only imagine how stressful that would be.

 

If I may ask, did you give the invitations substantially early? And is it too late in the process to perhaps push it a few weeks later?

[Cognitive_Canine]

Could you push the wedding back a few months and resend invites? Or is it too late for that?

 

How much notice did you give?

 

I'm so sorry that this happened. How sad. I think once it actually is your wedding day, you won't care all that much once you get to the altar. =)

[LilyXX]

I gave them about 2 months in advance.

I can not change the date. My fiances parents are coming form overseas and they already booked the flight.

[LilyXX]

I feel so silly, we could have just went to city hall and not have to hold this huge stressful party.

[misssmithviii]

I have to say I think the 2 months notice wasn't enough, if there is any way you can postpone it - why not? Like CC said, I doubt you'll care much once you get to the altar

[LilyXX]

there is absolutely no way I can postpone.

What is enough notice? We are getting married 4 months after we got engaged.

We figured "why wait"?

[Puddincup]

Try to just enjoy yourself. What will happen will happen. You wanted a small wedding so now you'll have it! I know you have to pay a certain amount and you're not happy about it but there is no way around it so don't worry about it. You are marrying your best friend and it will be great. Focus on that. Let the details fall where they may. I hope you have a great time.

[Seraphim]

I would just enjoy your day as is. However 2 months is not enough time when you invite someone from overseas. That is like a mininum of $1000 a flight and do not forget they need a place to stay, money while they are here and time off work and the availability to get time off work. I would say telling people overseas is a min of 6 months.

[_Asti_]

My friend is doing a destination wedding, and they gave 1.5 years notice so that people can coordinate schedules, holidays and get the money to travel.

 

I agree that 2 months notice is not enough time for people travelling from overseas. I think if your goal was for a wedding soon after engagement which involves extensive travel for many people, this isn't suprising.

 

I'm sorry you're in this position, but just do what you can. If its all booked, there isn't much you can do, right? Unless you can see if you can switch the venue and find another smaller location, or...what if you did still do city hall, but did a reception type thing instead afterwards with whomever can stop by?

[Hurting85]

I had the same problem! My husband wound up asking coworkers to come and a few even brought dates! I actually went over the 50 I was going to HAVE to pay for, and had 54. Unfortunately, some people didn't show, and I wound up paying for those plates anyhow.

 

Could you do something similar? If you have to pay anyhow, it shouldn't much matter who you're feeding, so long as they won't ruin your wedding.

[savagegirl]

Is there any way to bump the wedding back like 6 months so that more people from overseas can come? Ideally you really need to give overseas guests 6 months at least if not a year in order to plan to be able to attend.

I am planning my wedding right now, and we have already told the overseas guests and the wedding is in 10 and a half months. If it's any consolation, I have a small family and my fiance's family is greek so they have to invite everyone! So the wedding will be like 30 from my side and 125 from his at least. And I hear you on hating being the center of attention! I am the same way. But you know, all I can say is try to enjoy it because you only will get married once.

[petite]

It's sad this is happening to you, but you did make a mistake. You should have sent save the date cards immediately. People send these out 12 months in advance and then invitation cards 6-3 months before the wedding.

[notsogood]

Sorry that sucks...

 

Don't you usually send out save the dates within the first month of engagement and then usually you get married 6 months to a year after that? So I would say a minimum of 6 months needed for people to plan. Sounds retarded but it's true.

[hexaemeron]

Yeah, this sentiment "Why wait?" and "No one is coming!!!" are very much at odds. My BUSINESS trips overseas have far, far more notice than you gave the people trying to get to your wedding. I'm not surprised that people can't make it. They would have other plans and have difficulty affording airfare this close to the date.

 

I mean, I'm sorry this happened, I know it's not fun, but this was something you had 100% control over. You wanted it done now, you have to deal with the outcomes, good and bad.

[april15]

We got married in a very busy time as well and it was very stressful but now that it is done I look back and have no regrets. I love being married to the love of my life and though the wedding and all that went with it was stressful I look back and think what a great day!

[drummerboyfnd]

I can see why you wouldn't want to postpone it.

You've said there will be more on 'his' side than on 'yours'. What about shared friends?

Seems to me that whoever they go out to, you need to 'find' a bunch of invites that 'accidentally' didn't get sent, call people up, apologize, and say how much you'd like them to come. If your groom would be glad to have it be his folks, why not let it be? Or well-wishers who weren't invited who have been warmer than you expected, or ...

Or you could just have a smaller group than you initially intended. As long as the 2 of you are present, does it really matter?

Congratulations on the coming nuptials!