Is there any hope for us?

[Scattered]

Hello there! I've frequented this website but this my first time posting! You'll learn plenty about me so I won't bother with a boring description! I always take the time to respond in a thoughtful manner and appreciate the same treatment. Whew! Enough with the introductions! I think it's time to get this party started!

 

I'm going to write two versions because I know some people are busy and want the tl;dr instead of the whole story. I'm going to post the tl;dr first and write the full story when I have time, hope you don't mind!

 

TL;DR

 

My girlfriend of one year and I broke up about 9-10 weeks ago because she had become distant and I stopped being attractive, there's other reasons like her transferring schools and possibly another love interest. Shortly after we broke up she got together with a classmate of ours. Which I brushed off as a rebound, but they're still together. She's finally starting to show him a little of the real her because I initiated NC for the past few days and I was her emotional tampon for awhile. Allow me to share a brief history.

 

We had been staying together under the same roof for over a year so that may be why the attraction died off, neither of us had a car so we had to rely on others for transportation, I constantly told her I'd improve myself but never followed through with it and I had terrible grades and would tell her to mind her own business when she'd try to help me. She had been a basket case, constantly talking about her ex boyfriend (she eventually stopped), how much she hated her family, lots of drama with our friends (we had the same friends) and she never wanted to have sex because I was too big for her and caused her much discomfort and so on.

 

The greatest attraction killer was my insecurity. I learned that between our birthdays (three days apart) she got together with an old friend that she hadn't seen in awhile and slept with him, VERY (5 seconds) briefly (you may need to read the full version to fully understand the situation here). She realized what she did wrong and came home crying immediately. That's when everything changed. I didn't find out why she was crying or why she had changed until three months later. I was devastated but I told her that I forgave her shortly after. Unfortunately, I continued to think about it, no matter how much I didn't want to and it'd come up in our fights.

 

The months after were the worst. We were always fighting, the passion had become nonexistent, we had sex once every 3-4 weeks, and we started to become more like friends than lovers. It was even brought up at some point that we were like friends with benefits. I noticed that the sexual tension had ceased to exist and one day when we were in the shower I told her I thought we needed to take a break. She took it as me breaking up with her. We said our goodbyes but stayed in the same house, I told her that it was alright but I soon discovered that it wasn't and asked her to leave. Again she felt betrayed. I even told her that I would be her friend and always be there for her but in the end all I did was ignore her and hurt her further, she felt like I was toying with her emotions.

 

Just four days after we broke up she got involved with another man. At first she delighted in telling me about their relationship and how happy she was with him and that he treats her so special. I got tired of it and attempted to remove myself from the picture several times but her new interest would go home on the weekends and then she'd be on my doorstep, every weekend. She'd sleep over (no sex) and we even went out together with friends. That night we ended up showering together and almost slept together. I was confused about where this was going and asked her about it. She insisted that she had no remaining feelings for me and that it meant nothing and how she regretted allowing it to happen in the first place. I got sick of this really fast and told her to never come over again.

 

After she graduated, her and her new love interest decided to keep in contact, even though they lived two hours apart. They're thinking about pursuing a higher education at a larger school. Secretly she's been in contact with me for awhile now. I was STILL her emotional tampon. When I realized it, I decided to remove myself again. Just days after she sent me nonstop messages about how much she misses me, wishing I was there and asking what I'm up to. She's even AIM stalking me, logging on and off just to check if I'm there. I made the mistake of talking to her again after four days of NC and she kept putting me off. I eventually asked why and she told me it was because of her ex and how happy he was making her. I decided that was the last straw, I needed to keep myself away from her, but I still love her and want her back.

 

That's pretty much the tl;dr! Kinda long but like I said we went through a lot!

 

I'm really at a my wits end here. It seems that NC does indeed affect her but it's keeping up NC that's hardest to do because she has heart problems and comes to me when it really hurts. She also categorizes me with her ex-boyfriend who plays games with her and that I'm just like every other guy she's ever met and I want so badly for her to know that I'm not playing games with her and that I'm not like him. I just want her to truly appreciate my worth but I don't want to spell out my intentions either. I need help with this guys and gals, I really do.

[SapphireNoir10]

I think shes moved on. You deserve more. Stick to no contact.

[KJ2008]

yup any girl that moves to a new guy that quick is no good and vice versa. Good luck

[Scattered]

But I've read on numerous books such as Ex2 System that if your ex gets into another relationship that quickly it that means its nothing more than a rebound and that he was just there for emotional support. If this is the case, which it does seem to be because she reacts to NC, then wouldn't this be ideal to getting her back?

[SapphireNoir10]

Do you want her back if she can rebound so quickly?

[Scattered]

She's the type of person who has to have someone there for her at all times. She lost every friend she had at college when we broke up because everyone still held a grudge about her mishap, so I can only imagine that she welcomed any attention she could get, which he offered.

 

I've also had this long to think about why I want her back in the first place. I spent most of our time apart thinking about only the negatives and I still feel like she's the one I want to be with. Even after I've been improving my own life, been having fun with friends and new people, and even a tad bit of dating I still feel a deep connection to her and want to have that back.

[SapphireNoir10]

It sounds like you two had a lot of issues and just were not working out. Why not try and move on?

[Scattered]

I feel like it's absolutely necessary for me to move on and see new people. I actually have a date tomorrow but I don't want to get into anything serious because I'm far from over her and that wouldn't be fair to this girl.

 

I've been thinking that a month or two of NC may be sufficient but what do I do if she keeps contacting me? Should I just ignore it? How will I know if she really wants to reconcile, if she does at all? These are the things that I haven't been able to figure out because she's a very stubborn girl and will never say anything directly.

 

EDIT: She always tells me that she loves me and still deeply cares about me and our relationship. She's even started calling me by my "pet" name that she gave me a long time ago and insists that I'm still her best friend. I also think she hints at her wanting something more sometime in the future because she started saying "Everything happens for a reason" and has been asking me a lot about me working out, school, pretty much everything she had a problem with when we were together. She's been really careful to avoid asking me about whether or not I'm dating too. Am I thinking too deeply about this or is there something more?

[SapphireNoir10]

If she says. I want to talk about reconciliation, and you still want it. Go for it.

 

If she wanted to get back together she would say so I think.

[Scattered]

So I pretty much have to wait for her to really put herself out there and let me know that she wants to talk about reconciliation? She may do that now that I think about it, because before we were officially dating she was always thinking like that.

 

I forgot to mention, because I'm not 100% positive, that they are NOT in a sexual relationship. They aren't even dating quiet yet, for the reasons I listed above, so at this point she's still single. Do you think this may be an indication that she just needs someone there for her when I'm not? Before she graduated we had a fight about how she wanted to see me all the time but because I live in a dorm and all of our friends were constantly there it made her feel like * * * * so she just didn't bother anymore.

 

(This is why I wanted to wait to post the FULL story but that would have taken a long time to fully post so I just did a quick tl;dr)