missalone Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 I've been with my man for 2 years. When we first met things were incredible. We had an incredibly passionate relationship. . We've been through a few stressful situations of late, so the focus hasn't been totally on our relationship. My man tells me that he no longer sees me the same way anymore, he's not sexually attracted to me and doesn't get turned on when he looks at me. We haven't been sexually active for about 6 weeks. My appearance hasn't changed at all, we're both really healthy and exercise heaps. He doesn't know if the physical attraction is something he's able to get back. I wonder if this is just a normal cycle that all relationships go through, or if it's a sign that things are coming to an end. We both have so many plans for the future and he sees me as the one he wants to spend his future with. We don't have any other relationship issues at all. Have we just lost the chemisty? Can we get it back? If it's something you CAN get back, how do you to this and ensure things are ok in the future? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 We've been through a few stressful situations of late, so the focus hasn't been totally on our relationship. What kind of stressful situations are you referring to? Job problems, financial problems, health issues, family crises? All of those issues can take a toll on a couple's sex life and their feelings of attraction for each other. In any relationship attraction can come and go and come again depending on what else is going on in life...other stresses. My man tells me that he no longer sees me the same way anymore, he's not sexually attracted to me and doesn't get turned on when he looks at me. How exactly did he tell you this and why? Did the two of you discuss it at all. Did you discuss issues in your relationship...maybe you don't think there are issues but maybe he does and he is not being up front with you about it. Do you think he is cheating on you? Is he interested in someone else and that is why he is no longer attracted to you? First and foremost both of you need to communicate what is going on and where you go from here. What does HE want to do..does he want to end the relationship, does he want to rekindle the romance? What were HIS suggestions after he dropped this bombshell on you? Link to comment
missalone Posted April 19, 2010 Author Share Posted April 19, 2010 Thanks for your quick reply.... I brought it up as i'd made a few advances sexually and felt like I was getting the cold shoulder. I had a gut feeling something wasn't right. He wants things to work out, says he's really happy in our relationship. I just don't know if he's emotionally intelligent enough to know HOW to make things work... So wondering if anyone has any suggestions? We were both living in my home country until the end of last year when he lost his job. I moved to his country only a few months ago, I'm also still unemployed and so our financial situation isn't the best. He says he's not stressed so that's not causing the problem. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 It seems to me that he is trying to emotionally distance himself from you and this is a common thing to happen before a break up takes place. If he is unwilling to "get back" the chemistry then the relationship is all but over. Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 I think you need to be prepared for anything... WHICH MEANS focus on you first and foremost. Be independent... if the two of you break up do you have a means to go home or move out on your own? If not you need to be thinking about who is going to be taking care of you (which is you of course!) Take a step back... you can't force chemistry... the more you try the more he will pull away. Do you have a life outside of him? Perhaps without a job in a new country you are making him the center of your attention? That's a lot of pressure on someone and a relationship. Make your own inner circle... the mystery can draw him in... Look into one of those books - 101 nights of romance for ideas for making special connection moments with him. Good luck! Link to comment
missalone Posted April 20, 2010 Author Share Posted April 20, 2010 I think you need to be prepared for anything... WHICH MEANS focus on you first and foremost. Be independent... if the two of you break up do you have a means to go home or move out on your own? If not you need to be thinking about who is going to be taking care of you (which is you of course!) Take a step back... you can't force chemistry... the more you try the more he will pull away. Do you have a life outside of him? Perhaps without a job in a new country you are making him the center of your attention? That's a lot of pressure on someone and a relationship. Make your own inner circle... the mystery can draw him in... Look into one of those books - 101 nights of romance for ideas for making special connection moments with him. Good luck! yes it would be a case of heading home again. So trying to start everything again. Thing is, if I go home there's no way of giving it a second chance. So I guess I need to know I've tried everything before going down that avenue. Oh dear .... If only I could get inside his head! Link to comment
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