Should i have invited him??

[Case_1983]

I live in Europe so taking mini -trips to Barcelona, Berlin London etc. is quite cheap and can be done a few times a year. My friend asked me to come to Barcelona with her and i was considering it and then my bf piped up that he would like to come too. i told him i would rather go just with my friend unless he brought one of his friends along as i hate doing things as 3 people. one person always gets left out and i always have a bad time trying to please everyone.

 

 

I anyway spoke to my friend about bringing him and she said she couldnt afford it anyway going as 3 people as she was looking to share a room with me and if i bring my bf that wouldnt be possible (I suggested hostel but that didnt go down with her that well, she likes her comforts)

 

He was quite upset by this as none of his friends can come on short notice. I feel bad that i have excluded him and in the end just told my friend i couldnt go . my bf said he had the chance to go to London with a group of his friends a few months back but didnt want to leave me behind so said no and couldnt understand why i wouldnt have done the same for him from the start.

 

Was i being insensitive telling him he couldnt come unless he brought a buddy?

 

We have been together a year and live together.

[DN]

I don't understand why you would not have asked your boyfriend to go with you in the first place - and told your g/f when she asked to go that you would ask him first.

 

Why did you not discuss this idea with him before her?

 

I can see why he feels rejected.

 

Especially since you live together,

[annie24]

I don't understand why you would not have asked your boyfriend to go with you in the first place - and told your g/f when she asked to go that you would ask him first.

 

Why did you not discuss this idea with him before her?

 

I can see why he feels rejected.

 

Especially since you live together,

 

agreed with DN. I also don't see the big deal about 3 people traveling together. i don't think that means that one person is left out. and some hostels are really quite nice, and she can get a private room in a hostel as well. i don't know. i think if your boyfriend wants to go, you can arrange a trip with him.

[Case_1983]

I don't understand why you would not have asked your boyfriend to go with you in the first place - and told your g/f when she asked to go that you would ask him first.

 

Why did you not discuss this idea with him before her?

 

I can see why he feels rejected.

 

Especially since you live together,

 

Thanks for your comment.

 

I can see your point. For some reason i just expected him to tell me to go and have a great time, though if i'm honest if the situation was reversed i wouldnt be a little hurt too.

[DN]

Thanks for your comment.

 

I can see your point. For some reason i just expected him to tell me to go and have a great time, though if i'm honest if the situation was reversed i wouldnt be a little hurt too.

Usually a "little hurt" means "very hurt" and I suspect he is.

 

I imagine he sees all this as you didn't want to go with him in the first place and "the three people traveling together" was just an excuse to exclude him.

[Case_1983]

Thanks Annie.

 

Yeah I was thinking about that. I wouldn't mind hanging out with 2 of my friends if they were friends with eachother but my bf and friend barely know eachother.

 

Hostels are awesome. They're so cheap and if you're sightseeing etc. you only end up in your room a few hours anyway so it's no big issue for me. but my friend is a bit of a princess.

[happylady]

I think it is good to have some time outside of your relationship with your friends. My boyfriend and I sometimes have little mini vacations with our friends and I would never make him feel guilty to go somewhere with them, nor would he do that to me. I went to Puerto Rico for a few days to see the first ever NY Rangers game there. I went with my best friend for 3 days. We had a childhood goal to see a Ranger game in every State so this was a great opportunity A couple of months ago his job took a 4 day trip to Russia and he asked me if he could go. I told him he would be crazy not too and he better bring me back a key chain lol.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

agreed with DN. I also don't see the big deal about 3 people traveling together. i don't think that means that one person is left out. and some hostels are really quite nice, and she can get a private room in a hostel as well. i don't know. i think if your boyfriend wants to go, you can arrange a trip with him.

 

The friend asked her to go..I assume she also meant it as a trip, just the girls. I think asking the boyfriend to go along is insulting when someone invites you. She should have told the friend that she wants to talk to her boyfriend first. It should have been assumed that this was just the two females going. I have been in situations where I invited my friend for a visit and she invited her boyfriend along...claiming that the boyfriend invited HIMSELF along. I had just wanted a girl's weekend and if the boyfriend came along it would be her and the boyfriend with me being the third wheel. The couple need to work out if they can do some joint mini vacations and some solo mini-vacations with their own friends. They don't need to be joined at the hip..but this needs to be discussed between them...but if a friend who is going alone invites another friend, it is not right to assume the boyfriend can come along as well.

[Case_1983]

Usually a "little hurt" means "very hurt" and I suspect he is.

 

I imagine he sees all this as you didn't want to go with him in the first place and "the three people traveling together" was just an excuse to exclude him.

 

As he is someone who analyses everything that is said, i'd say there is no doubt that he'd be thinking something along the lines of that.

 

I guess i have only been listening to the opinions of my single girlfriends that have been saying he is being needy and controlling. While i didn't agree to that extent i did start to think that i was being wronged

 

Thanks guys for your opinions, will be doing some damage control in the next few weeks.

[DN]

You're right. I missed that. That does make a difference.

[Justnotsure]

I agree. The only mistake you made was not talking it over with him. I think it would be rude to your friend to invite your boyfriend -- who wants to go on a trip with a couple? I'd be annoyed if I was the friend.

 

That said, I agree with the posters - you guys need to set up your own rules in the relationship - are trips with friends ok? Do you only travel together? etc....personally, I think it's healthy to have separate, independent lives and sometimes do things alone/with friends. However, if you don't travel often, it can be hard on one partner when the other goes without them.

[annie24]

yeah, CAD that is a good point about a 'girls weekend.' agreed with the above poster that they need to decide what to do about separate vacations, trips with the girls/boys, etc.... i know for some couples its a no-no but for others it's totally ok. of course, barcelona is still there, she can go with the girl this time, and her bf the next time.