Struggling

[bobbydigital42]

I never thought I'd be posting in a forum like this but I need help. Ill try to sum up everything.

 

I am 26/m was dating a 25/f. We dated for 6 yrs coming up this summer. We've both I thought had everything mapped out towards proposal, marriage, kids, etc. Of course, like all couple we've had our ups and downs. Never once enough to break up. We've not talked for days but we have always worked through things.

 

We have known each other since high school, but we didn't hang out until after. We started dating and everything in the first year honestly I don't remember, we were both still in party mode and really just partied. We both settle down, she started school to become a nurse, I own my business now. We both still live with our parents which makes things hard. We planned to move out this summer. She will graduate may and should have a job soon after. I will have my business paid off soon after. We have been waiting for ever for this day.

 

Everything was great, we went on vacation last feb. and had a blast. Two weeks later she went out to a club with friends and got really drunk and made out with a random guy. The next night was my bday night and we went out with a bunch of friends and I could tell something wasnt right, we had a huge fight that night and she left. The next day or so, she called and said "we need to talk" She told me about the kiss and we both got angry and then she told me everything else i have done wrong and that she wasnt happy anymore.

 

I took all this very hard and then she just cut off all contact with me. Im sure I made thing worse then when I tried anything i could to talk to her. I just wanted answers.

 

Couple weeks go buy and she allows me to talk to her and that night she said she wanted to be with me again, she loved me, etc. Things seemed good for a couple days then one morning she left my house and started the ignoring me no contact without telling me anything again. I continued to try to talk to her but nothing, maybe a response every now and then.

 

Couple more weeks go by, I get a call at 9am with her crying telling me she need me to come over, she was breaking down. Come to find out her dad hand wrote her a 6 pg note about how upset he was with the way she was acting lately, she was going out all night drinking, not coming home, missing school, etc.

 

Of course I go to comfort and she breaks down and tell me she is scared to grow up and she doesnt know what to do so she just goes and drinks. I get her settle and she tells me she wants me to be there that nite bc she wants to have a talk with her parents and ask for help with her alcohol problem. We had a long emotional talk with her parents and seemed like that was the problem. Couple days go by and things are ok between us, we got lunch, talked a little, then she got distant again.

 

I decided to go all out last Sat. night, planned moonlight picnic on the water etc, made plans to pick her, i did with roses and all, blind folded her and took her to the secret spot. I poured my heart to her. She said she loved and cared for me but wasnt in love anymore and she couldnt do it anymore.

 

Mostly my fault, I did take her for granted and now that I look back she diffenitly put in more effort then I did. that was her only complaints. She said she has felt that way for a while. and she has given me plenty of chances, and she has. I just didnt ever make the little changes i needed.

 

This last month has been very eye opening. I love this girl with all my heart and was at a point where i was ready to settle down and start a foundation for the future. I see where I was wrong and would definitly change what I needed to, its only small things. but she says no more, she cant do it anymore.

 

So heartbroken, I never thought she would break up with me. Dont know where to go or begin to start to cope with all this. I just want one more chance.

[DN]

So because she feels you aren't making as much effort as she is she uses that to go out, get drunk and cheat on you. So it's all your fault.

 

Don't fall for it. She makes her own decisions and if even her father is concerned about her lifestyle choices that has nothing to do with you.

[hannah_k]

I agree with DN. Something's wrong there and it's unfair to push it off on you. And maybe she thinks she's sparing you the emotional turbulence she's going through.

 

You said she's afraid to grow up, which would also mean she's not ready to settle down. You've done all you can for her, really.

[bobbydigital42]

So what do I do? She try and go about my life? No more contact? Do you I answer any calls or anything?

[DN]

So what do I do? She try and go about my life? No more contact? Do you I answer any calls or anything?

I would go no contact - tell her that you are going to start moving on and ask her not to contact you unless she wants to tall about getting back together in which case you will decide what to do then.

[yonanz]

your last 3 paragraphs perfectly sums up one of the most commonest mistakes guys made, esp in long term r/s. we take for granted the r/s and by the time we realised its too late. i made the same error, so dont beat urself up over it.

 

use this as a lesson to remind yourself never to do the same again. it is V easy to start taing for granted things, esp in a long term r/s. but this lesson will remind and teach u never to do so again.

 

stay strong dude, we are all here to listen. rite now, just let her be. once a woman has made up her mind, its very difficult to change anything. even if your desire to change, or your romantic gestures, it only made things worst. no matter how much u want to change, and how much u want to save this r/s, she has already made up her mind, and u must respect this. doing anyting esle to fight this decision will only worse things. trust me.

 

dont blame urself too much because we all made mistakes. it is impt to learn from them.also, dont ting about the what ifs and if onlys. things havehappened and they happened for a reason. even if u were to go bac u would have made the same mistakes, under the same conditions. we are not God and we do not have the power of omniscience or foresight. we onli have hindsight, but it does not change things, only let us learn things so we can made better decisions in the future.

 

stay strong!

 

and also, use this time to better yourself! its important to emerge from this difficult time as a better and improved individual!

[bobbydigital42]

A little update....Well I went out with my ex best friend friday for drinks and apps. just to talk and whatnot...I wanted your opinion on everything. Well she said she was shocked just like everyone else. She said she is just going crazy right now and doesnt know what to do. She said she was scared to be with me the rest of her life and wasnt sure if I was right. I guess Ill never understand how u are with someone for 6 years and then you dont know. She doesnt know what she wants. She went out and got a tattoo and has just been going out and drinking like she doesnt have anything else going on.

 

Myself I feel I have done ok. been stayin busy with friends and what not. Doing ok with NC. Made one txt to let her know my gma was coming home from the hospital....No response. So now I will not contact her again.

 

I told her friend about the money I have been saving to buy her ring, and asked her if she thought if I should still save it and wait or not. She said to wait a little bit....Anyone elses thoughts on that? I could use the money to pay of some debt. Should I continue to save the money or spend it? Thanks?

[DN]

Given her behaviour I would pay off the debt.

[bobbydigital42]

New update....So just did answer my txt about my gma the next day. and then later that night at 3am i get a call, it her, she is drunk and tells me she misses me, wants to talk, etc....didnt really think much of it, just a drunk call...until this morning she calls again at 9am telling me she meant everything she said last night....

 

She wants to go out tonight for dinner and talk...I am definitly going...any thoughts? Advice? suggestions?

[OptimisticGal]

"Mostly my fault, I did take her for granted and now that I look back she diffenitly put in more effort then I did. that was her only complaints. She said she has felt that way for a while. and she has given me plenty of chances, and she has. I just didnt ever make the little changes i needed.

 

This last month has been very eye opening. I love this girl with all my heart and was at a point where i was ready to settle down and start a foundation for the future. I see where I was wrong and would definitly change what I needed to, its only small things. but she says no more, she cant do it anymore.

 

So heartbroken, I never thought she would break up with me. Dont know where to go or begin to start to cope with all this. I just want one more chance."

 

 

I just broke up with my bf b/c he started taking me for granted...I am not sure why guys do this. I gave him a 100% of my time, energy, and love and he just started to slak instead of appreciating me so I left.

I think if you really want her back you need to show her that you care and do things that backs up your words. This needs to last forever and if you think you can't do it forever just let her go now. Relationship is work and you need to work on it and not take it for granted or your partner will eventually gets feed up and will leave.

At first she will doubt that you have changed...she will think that you care now b/c you want her back you need to care all the times and give attention to your relationship as much as anything else if not more.

I hope that you two work things out and become happy

[bobbydigital42]

Well, Went out two nights ago with the ex. We had a great time! We just talked. She did end up staying over and sleeping. No contact but a couple kisses. We woke up and spent the all next day together. It was raining so we just laid in bed all day. I hope everything works!

[bobbydigital42]

Its friday, the ex and I are going out together tonight!! Since we hung out last week we have talked more and things seems to be starting to work themselves out. I feel like tonight is a big night!

 

Any ideas or suggestions?

[Lostbutokay]

You are becoming too readily accessible to her. Honestly this girl is deciding if she wants to be with you or go out every night get drunk and slam guys back at her place. I'm dead serious, you need to wake up and smell the coffee. I would have honestly told her that you had plans with your friends and maybe you could reschedule. This would turn her on. You need to make her realize what she lost, not be there every damn second. If you guys do hang out I would joke around, play around w/ her. Don't be all emotional and in b-tch mode.