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If you have everything going against you?


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I realize now how bad of a boyfriend I was to my ex, I never would have realized this without stepping back and looking at it from the outside. I did so much wrong it's not even funny here's just a few things I will list.


-I would cut her down when she talked about school to make myself feel better since i was always insecure she was going to get a better job than me.

-I wasn't that affectionate to her and she always wanted that.

-I would never call her on the phone and she never knew why..

-I would accept random girls on myspace and facebook and tell her that they don't mean at thing and she should stop being jealous.

-I would get mean sometimes and call her nasty things that made her cry when she thought about them.

-I would get mad at her for correcting me just because I always felt kind of less intelligent compared to her.

-I wouldn't be understanding at times and never apologized.


I loved this girl...but never wanted her to know I loved her that much...I look back and those are just a few things....and think wow...I was such a horrible boyfriend. Why did she stick with me for 1.5 years....The thing is when all that wasn't happening...we were the closest anybody could be and had the most fun in the world. I'm not even thinking reconciliation now because I've lost a lot of hope. She knows I'm a good person and I was just super stressed out but I don't think that would be enough to make her like me again. I'm just kind of messed up because one of the last times we talked on the phone...she said I'm sorry we are not getting back together, I'm not feeling it...and then proceeded to say...you know...when you said you wanted to marry me....that was the happiest thought I could imagine at the time. And this was through all the roughness....I have no idea why she said that as if it's just to mess with my head. I've been thinking about it lately and i don't know why...I shouldn't be. But have any of your ex's said stuff that really messed with your head one of the last times you talked to them? If she ever did want me back I'd find it to be a miracle.

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My theory on relationships are that if you had a good thing, it's hard to replace. You base this all on negatives. What about the positives? You said it was the most fun you ever had.


After time, future relationships, they see that the positives out weighed the negatives.'


The more time apart, the more time you have grown and seen the error of your ways.

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Yeah i for sure know I would never be the same...I wouldn't care about all the small things and would show her I love her more than anything...but that's just a case of to little to late. I really hope though in time all the bad thoughts do out weigh her negative thoughts towards me. I know that isn't happening anytime soon because she said she can't even think of any good times, it's all bad thoughts she has in her head. But as time goes on like anyone, I'm sure the bad thoughts may fade and the good ones will shine through. But who else has had their head severely messed with by something the ex said?

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You base this all on negatives. What about the positives? You said it was the most fun you ever had.


I agree here. While it is definitely a good thing to look critically at yourself and see what actions/inactions or behaviors led to where you are at, I think life is too short to dwell negatively. It may be a bit of an overused term, but life is really too short. Every day is an opportunity that will never come back!


But who else has had their head severely messed with by something the ex said?


I have and still do, it happens. I've learned though that when I start to feel weird/nervous/depressed/highly anxious from something that she says, that I am simply doing the fight/flight behavior that is pure reactionary and not something I am consciously trying to do. It's easier to center yourself after realizing this.

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It sounds like you were a self centered * * * * * * * and I don't blame her for not taking you back.


Hopefully you learned from this experience and don't treat your next girlfriend like that.


Yeah i can't even take offence to that - I was. She would always say I hope your next girlfriend is treated so much better than me. And that I hope I learned from this experience. I think she was way ahead of me the whole time.

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i'm just curious,

did you try to apologize and win her back? or did you just step back, knowing how badly you screwed up...


as awful as the regret feels, perspective is a wonderful thing...


I apologized right when she broke up with me along with the pleading. I think she took my apology as me only saying it cause I was freaking out. She knew she had the power when she broke up with me cuz she said look at this I can say anything I want to you now and you won't get mad at me. But then a month later I really came to terms with how much of a jerk I was and gave her a sincere apology last week right before she went to Dominican. She knew that one was real and greatly appriciated it. I have so much regret because I know for a fact she would still be with me now if I wasn't like that.

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I too regeret somethings I did in the last 2 years of our 4 year relationship. I would get angry and swear at her over small things, I probably wasn't that affectionate coming towards the end (she also bcame like this but it was definitely me first), and she did ALOT for me (cooked meals, cleaned up after me). But hey you know what there were negatives on her side too - i still think shes perfect but there were definitely negatives. There were alot of positives with being with me also. I hope she thinks about that.


After we broke up she did say "I was an amazing bf" - however I think she just blurted that out to make me feel better but she used to say it all the time.


If I had another chance I would clean up my act, but wonder how long that would last? This is why I need timeout away from her to change.

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Yeah it sucks to think you could be everywhere you want to be with the girl you love if you didn't act so damn immature at times. If i do ever get another chance i know all this has smartened me up. I hate thinking about life without her and I would always remember this feeling of loneliness i had. Plus it's not even like I meant to be a jerk, just kind of happened due to stress.

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I read some old email my ex send back in January...i see how serious she was with everything but I just never took her seriously.


"I think you still have some really big issues you need to iron out before I would ever move in with you. Your temper has never gotten better. Your respect is down the drain. Unless things go exactly your way - I'm in for it. I dread everything. This has gone on forever, everything I say everything I do, I dread that you will take it wrong, be mad, and we won't talk for days. There is no way I should ever be so scared of you, and I don't even think you realize how scared I am. It's not any fun for me to feel like this and for you to treat me so badly over me being tired. Yes you wanted to talk to me, yes I often can make you stay up and talk to me, but when I do that Ray.. I do it by asking sweetly and telling you good things, and if you ever denied doing so - i would never treat you so horribly as to get mad at you for being "tired" and needing sleep and hang up on you. I won't accept you telling me any different. You did hang up on me and that is by your own definition. You treat me terribly. You act like you love me so much and want to live together, but you scare me. I would never want to live with someone who can turn on me within a split second and hate me. You act like you hate me because I'm tired. Your respect for me is non existent. You have double standards that are in effect for me and you. I must do everything to your unbelievably high standard and I often never do well enough which results in you being such an angry tempered person too too often. I've put up with this our whole relationship and its really straining. Of course I expect you will write back with some examples of whatever I've done or argue that I am tired "on purpose" because I dont want to talk but you know none of it is true. I am sure deep down you know that the correct way to treat someone you love is not like this. I know you know. So please start having some real honest respect for me because If you care, thats what you would do. "


And i would just look at stuff like that...and not think anything of it...mannn i was so stupid...

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