im 18 and he 48

[mummy_1]

im 18 and my boyfriend is 48 and and we have a 1 year old son and how do i tell all my family n friend without them getting nasty , i dont care about wot people think coz we love each other and that all that matters and we want another baby we think it time to tell people....

 

any1 have any advice

[Pinnsvini]

How on earth do you have a son without your family and friends not knowing?

Another baby at your age when you already have an infant is a crazy idea. If you guys are in love and going to be together forever, what's the rush to have children when you're still a teenager?

[Sanesoul]

There's no way around people getting upset about this. You are 18 with a child already, which means that you have been with this guy for a long time.

 

I would see him as someone taking advantage of a young girl, as I'm sure a lot of people will.

[sophie274]

I guess you mean something like "how do you tell your family you want another baby".

 

I'm sorry, but I don't feel right advising you on that. You're 18, which means you had this baby at 17, which means you got pregnant with this man at the latest around your 17th birthday, which means that you must have been seeing him while you were 15-16. That just sets off all sorts of alarm bells in my head. Your friends and family are clearly worried about you - not trying to ruin your life - maybe there is some truth to what they say to you?

 

If you are going to have another baby with this man, you should at the very least protect yourself, especially financially, should the two of you break up, because you would be left at 19 with two infants. I really don't think you should have another child until you could reasonably support yourself and your children should your boyfriend be out of the picture.

[I_Speak_Jive]

That's lovely! I wish you a lifetime of happiness.

 

I am glad that you have managed to find a man that will support both you and your many children, without you having to rely on public benefits, which come out of everyone's hard-earned money and should only be used in cases of real hardship and emergency.

 

I am also happy that you have found someone who will support you while you continue educating yourself. Having children and going through college is not easy, so it is essential to have a good, reliable partner who will shoulder the parenting responsibility while you become a well-rounded, highly functioning person.

 

As long as your friends and family see that you are putting effort in educating yourself, developing a career, being a good mother, having a healthy degree of interest in the world around you, your culture, your history, arts, health and fitness... frankly I doubt they will care.

 

It would be an ENTIRELY different situation, of course, if you were some sort of school-dropout baby-making factory with no goals, self-respect or enough dignity to do anything other than scrounge off the system. But since you are none of those things, they will be juuuuust fine.

[fLuiD]

Have you ever thought about why this man cannot be with a woman around his age?

[4ever2gether]

have you ever thought about how you will handle yourself when this man is 70 and your only 40? your kids will have a grandparent for a father! don't you want a dad that can play with their children? doesn't make sense how you were able to keep your son from your parents, or how your parents never even knew you were pregnant. do you still go to school? how were your parents ok with you living out at this age?

[hexaemeron]

I have to agree wholeheartedly. As long as you're approaching your life from the proper place of knowledge and stability as well as enriching your own life and the life of your children, I think anything coming from your family will be a secondary concern.

[Fudgie]

Hi there. I have a big age gap w/ my man...I'm 20 and he's 57. There is nothing, I repeat, NOTHING wrong a gap within itself...it depends on the couple. I don't buy the whole "what is he doing w/ someone YOUR age?" or "what will you do when he dies?" talk.

 

What does trouble me is that you're 18 and you have a baby. In all likelihood, this means that you were with this man long before you were of legal age. This is indeed troubling.

[OptomisticGirl]

I'm not saying that your age gap doesn't concern me, it does. If it were my child in your situation I would probably feel different-way different-but to each his own.

 

Whether the OP had a child before she was 18 or not, she is 18 now, which in the States classifies her as an adult and able to make decisions without someone's consent. No one can judge how two people feel for each other and if they say they are in love, they are. This relationship is no different then a 40 year old woman going after an 18 year old man... only difference is the man being older, he is percieved as a perv almost.

 

As much as I am for everyone's right to do what they want, I would advise waiting at least another year or two. Not because of the relationship but just because of the amount of time in between children. Raising a child is difficult, and throw another baby in there so soon.... but if it's what you want go for it. Just make sure you both can handle two children right now and remember you are young, you need to enjoy life. Having two children under 3 years kind of makes that REALLY hard.

 

As for your family.. as long as he supports you and you aren't bringing a child into a desperate situation already, they will be fine. They may be shocked that you are having one so close and so young again but they will be there to support you and the baby.

[OptomisticGirl]

What does trouble me is that you're 18 and you have a baby. In all likelihood, this means that you were with this man long before you were of legal age. This is indeed troubling.

 

Depends on the legal age. The legal age of consent in my old state (not sure if it's US wide) is 16 and you can move out and your parents not be able to stop you at 17 (I know, I did it). Shoot, even once I moved out at 17 my parents didn't have to okay anything medical or school related with me.. I did all of it. All 18 is nowadays is the legal age to buy tobacco and the 'legal' age you don't have to rely on someone's consent anymore.

[teabee]

You have basically the same age gap as my boyfriend and I. Like Fudgie said, the age gap in itself isn't the problem. Tell us more details about your relationship. How does he treat you? How involved is he with the baby?

 

I agree with Pinnsvini:

If you guys are in love and going to be together forever, what's the rush to have children when you're still a teenager?

[teabee]

As for this:

 

Have you ever thought about why this man cannot be with a woman around his age?

 

Jumping to conclusions... we know nothing about this man, how the relationship started, and whether he can or cannot be with women his age.

[Fudgie]

Depends on the legal age. The legal age of consent in my old state (not sure if it's US wide) is 16 and you can move out and your parents not be able to stop you at 17 (I know, I did it). Shoot, even once I moved out at 17 my parents didn't have to okay anything medical or school related with me.. I did all of it. All 18 is nowadays is the legal age to buy tobacco and the 'legal' age you don't have to rely on someone's consent anymore.

 

Correct, it depends where you are.

 

However, due to her age today, she was probably 17 when she got pregnant. This is underage in many states. Furthermore, I'm guessing she didn't just jump into bed with him, so they were probably dating when she was 15/16.

 

In most states, that is illegal, sketchy at best. She was probably still in high school...

[Fudgie]

Well I guess it's okay then...legally that is.

 

Something about this whole situation still troubles me a little. OP, can you reveal some more details about your relationship?

[OptomisticGirl]

Correct, it depends where you are.

 

However, due to her age today, she was probably 17 when she got pregnant. This is underage in many states. Furthermore, I'm guessing she didn't just jump into bed with him, so they were probably dating when she was 15/16.

 

In most states, that is illegal, sketchy at best. She was probably still in high school...

 

Well yes, of course she was in high school, but like in my old state the legal age of consent for sex was 16. I could shout from the rooftops that I was sleeping with someone and my parents COULD have pressed charges, yes, but in the laws eyes I was old enough to make that decision.

 

I'm not saying it was right by any means.

[Fudgie]

It's so interesting how the legal age of consent differs from state to state...

[Miss Firecracker]

I'm thinking if you are 18 and managed to give birth without their knowledge, it probably doesn't matter too much what they think. I can't imagine being that detached from my family before the age of 18, but I guess it happens. Did you run away from home?

[Undyinglova]

Hi there. I have a big age gap w/ my man...I'm 20 and he's 57. There is nothing, I repeat, NOTHING wrong a gap within itself...it depends on the couple. I don't buy the whole "what is he doing w/ someone YOUR age?" or "what will you do when he dies?" talk.

 

What does trouble me is that you're 18 and you have a baby. In all likelihood, this means that you were with this man long before you were of legal age. This is indeed troubling.

 

okay so you are okay with a 57 vs 20 deal and not okay with 48 vs 18 deal? And then later go on to post something along the lines "Its okay if its legal, but something doesnt feel right". I dont know what to say to you. All you're doing is defending yourself, and frowning on the OP, wondering if she made the right choice. If you really do believe that you made the right choice and age doesnt matter, then you should give the same advice to other ppl. 57/20 and 48/17 are pretty much the same to me. sure those 3 years 17-20 matter, but in my eyes it depends on the people. its possible for a 17 year old to be as mature as a 20 year old. You dont seem to be open-minded enough and want other ppl to view your relationship with an open mind.

 

in other words, don't try to even minorly condemn others who are in a similar position as you. If you want other ppl to have an open mind and be supportive of you, do the same to others.

Thanks

 

As for the OP, live your life trying to be a good mom and career etc in general, like someone previously suggested. Being self-sufficient and independent is quite healthy and keeps your mind focused. Dont end up going to the hell on earth.

[Fudgie]

Whoa.

 

I don't know where you are getting this from. I told the OP the age gap doesn't bother me. I'm in a similar one myself.

 

I'm just worried a little about the legality of the situation, like when she got pregnant and stuff. She is also VERY young to be having a child and that worries me because I hope she's getting all the support she can for her family. Teen pregnancy is difficult. In no way am I condemning her, I just am concerned.

 

I am completely supportive of age gap relationships but not those which could possibly involve a minor.

 

I'm sorry, but no. I will not support those.