Sexual Dysfunction is going to destroy my relationship

[inlove2much]

I have the worst problem - it's a living hell - a nightmare I won't wake up from -

 

After giving up on love, and being alone and almost completely uninterested in sex anymore - I met the most wonderful, sexy, attractive, warm, funny, intelligent and all around AMAZING woman in my ENTIRE life! I have been hopelessly and helplessly in love with her ever since!! I can't get enough of being around her, and I desire her sexually more than I have EVER desired ANYONE - everything about her turns me on - my problem? At age 53 I have - as the result of multiple health issues and side effects from medications - been diagnosed with sexual dysfunction and low testosterone. I am also currently having lots of problems with my prostate and it is exasperating the problem -

It's not that I can't have sex at ALL - in fact today is a prime example

I had one of the most wonderful sexual experiences of my entire life

I had no problem obtaining an erection, maintaining the erection, and reaching full orgasm - but a fairly short time later I tried to have sex again and lost my erection before I could reach a second orgasm.

My girlfriend was IMMEDIATELY OFFENDED and it's causing fights and leaves me feeling like a piece of crap. What's WORSE is that I recently lost my job - or more accurately was forced into disability - have major financial issues/worries, been diagnosed with Hep C and am about to start treatment for it - and I'm a complete WRECK over this -

This is a time when I could really use some understanding, love and affection from her - but instead I get accusations, I'm told that she doesn't believe I love her - she thinks I have no attraction for her - brings up anything and everything she can think of about my past relationships, constantly asks me if I had more attraction for women in my past - it's absolutely discouraging, depressing and just destroying our otherwise "match made in heaven" relationship.

If this wasn't the ONLY issue I could easily accept we just aren't right for each other and move on - but I have NEVER in my LIFE been so stuck on another human being. I am so in love with this girl that all I ever want to do is to be with her. I always want her sexually - though I might not always be able to perform - she has always been extremely attractive to me - I honestly feel like sex with her is the BEST sex I have EVER had - she has awakened my libido that was dormant prior to her - I think of sex with her ONLY and in roughly eight months find myself so much in love with her that the thought of living without her just DESTROYS me. I want to marry this woman and have her as my wife - I want to grow old with her and build a future with her - she is EVERYTHING I have EVER wanted in a woman and am so in love that this problem just destroys me. If there was a SHRED of truth in her accusations it might be different, but the truth is is that I'm completely totally in love with her, sexually attracted to her like I've NEVER been - and feel so devoted to her that I'd rather die than be without her.

Is there anyway I can get her to understand that it's NOT a matter of sexual attraction? There is NOTHING lacking in our love making at least not from my perspective - the only problem is a medical one and just because I'm not great in bed all the time doesn't mean I don't love her like I say I do. What can I do? It's destroying me.

[LightbulbSun]

Have you ever thought that someone who loves you back would be understanding about your issues?

 

It's clear that you love this girl, however, from what you describe, she sounds completely insecure, immature, and hung up on her issues. She doesn't seem to see YOU at all; all she sees is herself.

 

What will happen if you two get more serious, and something else comes up? Because this is not only related to you having performance issues, it's a deeper issue for her, and she needs therapy to get over it. Her feeling like you don't love her because you can't maintain an erection or cum is more on HER than you.

 

I just think you're putting this girl on too high a pedestal. If she was your 'match made in heaven', she would be understanding, rather than attacking you for a problem that's not your fault.

[Fudgie]

Wow, my boyfriend and I are in your situation. He's 57 and essentially can't make love to me, but I understand this and I'm fine with it.

 

You need to tell her what you just wrote her. There was a lot of heart there. it's a simple matter of understanding...see, women usually equate sex/erections with love/attraction. Of course, it is not this way, and while the former usually falters with age, the latter is still there. Just because you can't get a good erection doesn't mean you don't absolutely love her.

 

You need to tell her that. You need to tell her that again and again and again. Prove your love to her in other ways and find other sexual things to do together that will make you both happy.

[corrin]

You said, "I had no problem obtaining an erection, maintaining the erection, and reaching full orgasm - but a fairly short time later I tried to have sex again and lost my erection before I could reach a second orgasm."

 

How short a time later? I am 40 and there is a big difference in my recharge time from 10 years ago. I assume when I hit 50 it's going to be even longer.

 

When you were 23, you might have been able to go for round two right away or in a couple of hours. At 53, you're going to need more time.

 

You sound normal. But if you really want to get another round in right away, try viagra/cialis. This may help.

[metrogirl]

Your girlfriend sounds extremely immature, I'm sorry.

 

I too am in a relationship with a man that is 49 and due to multiple medical issues, has ED. We find ways to make it work and he has no problems satisfying me and there are ways in which I can satisfy him.

 

If your girlfriend has to go to extreme measures to interogate you about former relationships and actually thinks that your inability to function is a direct result of her beauty or lack there of, then she really should be dating a 22 year old to match her maturity level.

[Puddincup]

Your gf sounds like she has some insecurity about her attractiveness to you. You should write her a letter like your post here. If that doesn't calm her nerves, then it is a maturity issue as someone else has mentioned.

 

My bf has difficult climaxing sometimes and I don't take it personally. He is in his early fifites so I assume that it is his age. If it were me that was the problem, then I would imagine he would stop seeing me. He continues to want to have sex with me so that tells me he likes what I'm doing. Guys, if my assumptions are wrong, tell me!