bluen Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 I am cleaning up my lap top, getting rid of old files and folders I don't need anymore. I came accross a folder of chats from the past year, my ichat automatically saves chats... I had no idea it was programmed to do this. Low and behold, I came accross her folder and against my better judgement ran through all of them. I don't feel worse, I don't feel anything. I just so baffled at how someone whom I loved and loved me, depended on me, really cared about me and was so tangled up in my life could just severe it like it never mattered. I am scared that why I may love again way down the line from now, I know I will always love her, the one that got away, the one that I was suppose to be with. And as horrible as she was to me, I still somewhere, deep down know that I still love her. It's that genuine love, that frustratingly cannot be removed or replaced or altered in any way. Has anyone actually felt this? When someone can be so horrible to you but it doesn't matter, you know in your heart there is a deeper meaning and understand why the two of you were together in the first place. I know I probably sound crazy and your all thinking I should get help, which I have attempted to do, but after it all, she wont go away and I don't want her to. I am not saying she is ever coming back, or I am hoping she will at some point. Our lives are so part apart and it different directions that in all likelihood, it would never be possible for us to be together ever again. I can say without hesitation that I have never cared about someone like I did her and I just can't forget that or the feelings I once had. 5 months later I still feel/hurt about what happened to us and with all my might, I cant let it go... so I am fighting a losing battle. I fight on... Link to comment
prada Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 Yea i feel the same way. Its hurts still up till this day! I am also fighting a battle by myself. My EX left me for someone else and it hurts after being with him for 4 yrs. Been in NC for 10 months.. realized he is not coming back. I miss him and wish things were different, but i guess he found someone he loved more. I just dont know how to let it go. Link to comment
britomart Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 "When someone can be so horrible to you but it doesn't matter, you know in your heart there is a deeper meaning and understand why the two of you were together in the first place." I feel the same way. You just don't know why you continue hanging on to this person in your heart after the incredible pain you went through. Love is rarely logical. But I think there is light at the end of the tunnel in that everyone can and will move on - as long as you believe it will happen. Link to comment
unhappy101 Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 I know how you all feel. For me it has been 2 months and she isn't coming back. The odd thing is while I miss her, and have dreamt of holding her, at the same time I am furious she ended a 4 years relationship by text - which is something she would have hated. In two months my life has already changed so much. Good job prospects and the issues I had are being worked on and are changing. But I realise she had issues that also contributed to the break up, I blamed nothing but myself at first, but it wasn't just me. I miss my ex, I miss her company, but I am doing a lot in my life - and after all; if they loved us so much and told us so many nice things, how could they just walk and stay gone? Makes me wonder. Link to comment
eikal Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 Delete, delete, delete. That's all i can tell you. Get rid of everything that reminds you of her. Re-arrange your living space. Make everything new, and make new memories. You all will be okay, i promise. Link to comment
prada Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 Its hard to understand, how is it that, you can be in love one day and not the other. Link to comment
JohnTheMan Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 yea... i have the blues too. for me its been like 9.5 months and 2.5 months NC. she sent me a happy easter txt in which i didn't respond. what hurts most for me is that the guy she left me for seems to being doing so well with her. they have been seeing each other for nearly 10 months now, and he is more in touch with her brother and other hometown friends then i was in 2.5 years. it hurts terribly... its like salt to the wounds. that after all the crap i went through they are happy together and loving life. most days i miss her so much it hurts. how could the person i felt most connected with and truly loved with the bottom of my heart; have someone that just worked better for her. she instead, is so in love with someone that hits on a gf in a relationship. almost like justice just does not exist. they say 8/10 rebounds fail... i guess i'm gonna be in the unlucky 20%. its not even that i dont want her to be happy, its just i dont want it to be from leaving me for someone else. if only there was some kind of button to turn off the love i had for her. to forget that i believed she was my soulmate. to forget what she did to me. people insist to me that they wont workout. i dont know why, but i feel differently. i can't put my finger on it, but i get this aweful feeling that they are gonna work. and all i hear is "move on", "let go", "work on yourself", "dont pay attention to them", and a bunch of other non helpful comments. its like your even more alone cause most people aren't understanding of your loss. you just don't have anyone to talk to....... what i want most in my life; i will never have and there is no amount of studying, working, or self improvement that can give that back... Link to comment
Spondence Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 was just reading this and wanted to post a reply....I'm having a horrible day on day 5 of no contact. 5 days ago I wasnt getting response from her suddenly after 3 weeks of limbo...so I went to her store to confront her and tell her I wanted her to come home...she said 'sorry I'm just not feelin it' you should move on since then I've been going thru it...she's obviously with somone now..hence the I'm confused for the last 3 weeks... My point though is that everytime I've lost the love of my life..someday, somehow a new comes along and blows my mind and makes me forget there was ever any other girl...looking forward to that day again... Link to comment
coyne740 Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 My point though is that everytime I've lost the love of my life..someday, somehow a new comes along and blows my mind and makes me forget there was ever any other girl...looking forward to that day again... If that's the case... they really weren't the love of your life.... Good quote... Link to comment
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