I find it hard to have a good time...

[GenoGeno]

I know people say go out and hang out with friends and have a good time to get your mind off of your ex. When I am out with my friends, I usually find myself thinking about my ex and not having a very enjoyable time...Is this a pretty bad thing? or just common with most people. I try so hard to just not think about her but it never works.

[shessofly]

it's common. it will take time. it sucks...for sure.

[Nearbot]

Ugh, same for me! Going out with other people just makes me miss him more. It's like everyone I meet is so ugly and dull compared to him

[GenoGeno]

Yeah that's exactly how i feel...I don't even have to be at a club or bar and i still feel like crap when I'm out with friends. And it's true, being at clubs and bars just makes me miss her more...

[shessofly]

you don't have to be out at clubs or bars, but you should find some type of activity you can do to avoid sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself. i guess it's a case of better to feel crappy with friends, than feel crappy alone. not always, but at times it really is best to make yourself get out and get moving.

[drake11]

its been over 2mo. since we broke up, went to a party on friday thought about her a lot but the few weeks before that i was pretty good, once i get real drunk its all good. i'd say when i'm not drinking lately things are ok, i still have fun hanging out with friends and stuff.

 

when we were together i was bad at drunk dialing her but i have not once since we broke up but to others i hope you can be careful about this, it seems like a silly thing to do.

[mr. dd]

Yea I definitely shut myself in after I got dumped. For quite a long time actually. Maybe 3 months of mostly not doing anything. It took a herculean effort just to do something with friends. I tried going away on weekends to visit friends in different places, that was the worst for me because I couldn't go home and hide at any point. In my home city, I was able to go do stuff for a few hours here and there, maybe once or twice a week, because I could always go back home and shut myself in. But realistically I was mostly faking it, not really enjoying myself the few times I went out. I couldn't even enjoy playing hockey anymore!! It was bad...

 

Then after a few months, I realized I was obsessing and accomplishing nothing at home. Started going out alot, doing new things, enjoying my life. Like I mean actually enjoying myself. Then good things started to happen to me again. But good things weren't happening to me while I was shut in at home by myself. You may have to force yourself sometimes.

 

But it definitely took time my friend.

[brokenheart41]

Nah, don't worry, it's normal. You just can't fake having a good time when you're actually feeling like crap. People always say should go out, have fun!". All friendly and nice advice but it doesn't work that way. Just stay home, read a book or practice a hobby to get your mind of things

[rigguy]

Nah, don't worry, it's normal. You just can't fake having a good time when you're actually feeling like crap. People always say should go out, have fun!". All friendly and nice advice but it doesn't work that way. Just stay home, read a book or practice a hobby to get your mind of things

 

Yeah I agree, totally normal. I am at about 10 months and probably 6 months NC and only now I can say I am actually have fun on occasion. Up until recently I tried faking it which probably helped me some but at the end of the day you come back to an empty house to be back feeling sad. Nothing bad about it, just most can't shut feelings off especially if you were left to deal with situation while your ex had all that time needed to justify the decision.

[GenoGeno]

Yeah it's pretty bad, like I'll be out with friends and just feel so mopey and I feel like I even look like I'm upset to friends just because I'm not nearly as lively as I would be. It's kind of a drag and sometimes i feel I need to get back to my house and just let all this emotion fly...but then soon after I hate being at my house? It's like a vicious cycle.

[incaangelique]

Same here. I've become a shut in. When I've tried to spend time around happy people I've ended up in tears.

[mr. dd]

GenoGeno,

 

Is Whistler still open? go shred for an afternoon, that ought to clear your mind maybe. Maybe some quality fun time with just yourself may do you some good.

 

Also, go Canucks!

 

No real advice here, just letting you know I have been there for sure before, feeling EXACTLY the same as you. I don't know if I am happier than I was when I was with my ex, no real way to compare I guess, but I am fairly happy again. You will be too, tomorrow is a new day

[fuddiduddy]

I'm six weeks post-breakup. The first 3 1/2 was the absolute hardest but I'm getting better.

 

All that advice about going out being with friends, getting out of the house, being with people, etc., etc., just did NOT do it for me, so I just gave up and ONLY did what I truly felt like doing: sleeping, moping, crying, moaning, reading, shopping and spending 5 hrs a day on the ENA forums, lol.

 

I live right in the middle of Manhattan, and everytime I'd walk the streets, I'd end up crying amidst the honking horns and crowds. It was painful to see happy couples everywhere and constantly overhearing cell phone conversations where everybody's saying their "I love yous" to their SO. It was always too, too much for me, so what would I do? I'd turn around and run right back up to my apartment and start bawlin like a baby. Other than my therapist and maybe a movie, no outside influences would help.

 

Like the OP, being with friends wouldn't help either, as I could never take my mind off of my ex. It's like being surrounded by a bunch of cold dull fish when I'd rather be cuddled up with my fuzzy warm teddy bear known as my ex.

 

I say just do whatever you feel like doing (whether perceived healthy or not) because at the end of the day, time will force you into normalcy at some point, whether you want it or not.

 

Just IMHO.

[GenoGeno]

All this is pretty true, it's exactly how I feel. I walk home sometimes from school just knowing when I get home I'm going to break out and cry. It's the worst feeling ever and I think after two months it should be gone...but it's not. I guess i gotta just keep dealing with it and cope.

[yonanz]

it was bad the first wee for me. basically even when i was with friends or relatives or in great company my mind would still be filled with tots about her and i couldnt concentrate and couldn enjoy. the feeling that i would rather be somewhere quiet than be in these noisy places.

 

but sometimes u got to force yourself. being alone mite be comfortable. bawling and whining and postng on ENA mite be comfortable. but you must get out of your comfort zone if you wanna get over this pain. staying at hme alone only festers your hurt and pining for her. by forcing yourself to get out and mix with people, even though u feel lonely and distracted while with them, accelerates the process greatly. before u noe it, u will be well on the road to recovery.

 

put in the effort and u will see the fruits soon