I want to leave my wife and kids for the OW but don't know how

[QWit]

From your post, it sounds like you have no idea what marriage is about. So you wife paid too much attention to YOUR kids, decreased the amount of sex..hmmm.. Seems, like the wife put in more than her fair share. You talk about what she has done, but what have you done? The post comes off egosticial as well. It almost like you are still blaming her for you having an affair.

 

" I want my kids to see what it's like to be in a happy relationship where both parties love each other. "

 

Good luck, explaining this to your kids..Either way, it is not going to be good for you.

 

I am not blaming you for your feelings because people fall in and out of love all the time. It's the way you handled the situation (affair, etc.), that is jacked up. If you were going to stray, at least, have the decency to do it in an appropiate manner..Also, the mere fact that your wife has become the fallback to the OW does not make you look any better. like I said before, go ahead and divorce.. Just remember, how you enter a relationship is the most likely the same way it will end.

[arcadefire]

This is a very typical mentality, blaming the victim (e.g., your wife). Whatever way you rationalize and live with your choice, I suppose. There's not much else she can do (or your kids can do) to have you stay.

[Taikero]

I can see the sexual frustration, but his family is "average" to him and he's upset his wife spent time with the children. I guess he was spending his time with the other woman instead of fixing his marriage! That's a surefire way to love his wife and children the way he professes to! Now he can introduce this new and exciting woman into his children's lives, someone who isn't as stuffy and boring as good ol' mom. Maybe she'll even take them out for ice cream before dinner and spoil their appetite just because she can! Before you know it, they'll be calling her mom and they'll forget about that boring old responsible trustworthy vintage model mother back home! We'll show her for reliving "Leave it to Beaver"!

[Speranza]

I don't understand why you didn't get help years earlier, even talk to her about what was wrong?

 

If you truly want your children to see you in a good relationship, they CANNOT equate your leaving with it being for the OW. You need to move out to somewhere on your own. (This doesn't mean you can't see her). If they see her as the woman who made Mummy sad, they will NEVER ever have a relationship with her.

 

I don't understand your attitude that you have 'had no help' here. You have had no affirmation but you have had your questions answered, in depth and from several points of view.

 

This makes it appear that you are not wiling to listen to anything other than what you want to hear - this is a human way to be.

 

However in my opinion it is a shame that you are prepared to discount all the wisdom on here. It has not all been condemning of you, indeed people appear to have gone out of their way to help.

 

I know the very nature of love (you STILL will not reveal anybody's age - I'm wondering about the age gap between you and your OW now) means that it feels 'special'. But you must know that the truth is EVERYbody feels this way.

 

When I was in the middle of a very dying marriage, which we'd tried our best with, I was suddenly in a situation where a man I adored, and found very attractive, approached me and offered me everything I wanted, even to go away with him and make a new life.

 

Having always regarded myself as the faithful type, I was utterly horrified to find myself tempted beyond belief. Because I'd assumed it would never happened to me, I had to do all my thinking 'on the hoof'. We got as far as a picnic and one stolen kiss and then I told him I just couldn't do it. For mainly selfish reasons tbh - I knew I couldn't live with myself, and I knew I couldn't pull my marriage apart, what was left of it.

 

We parted and I cried myself to sleep for almost a year, but I never regretted my decision.

 

So don't dare think we don't know what we're talking about on here.

 

My marriage ended many years later, when our children were teenagers. But I have never regretted putting my family first. It is perfectly possible to live with the misery of losing the other person, when you have the comfort of knowing that your family can rely on you to make choices with their wellbeing in mind.

 

This is what being a parent is really all about.

[Brenda222]

A agree with arcadefire. Oh he is blaming his wife. I guess he is the victim. He says he wants his children to see happiness in a loving relationship by seeing him with this OW. Theyve already seen what love is when he decides to leave their mother and put them in this OW life. He says to make sure youre doing what you need to in a marrigage. He has gotten every excuse to leave. He doesnt know what marriage is about because he takes marriage vows and marriage for granted. He is self-centered and selfish. You can clearly see that this marriage was all about him and himself only.

 

Funny, he wants his kids to see what its like for 2 people to love each other. He thinks that just cause the sparks wear off with him that it is ok. His wife is happy with the situation. What a bunch of bs. What person is happy to be cheated on. She may be pretending she is happy and just not showing her real emotions. He has the same attitude my cheater did. He felt that it wasnt fair to our son to have 2 parents who didnt love each other. Oh it wasnt but I still love him, I loved him and tried to be there, gave him sex all the time, whenever he wanted it, waited on him hand and foot, did everythng a person could want, yet he couldnt find a reason to stay home. Oh I guess he showed our son what it was like to see 2 people who loved each other a month after he put me out and moved OW into our home.

 

He is showing this to our son, every time he picks him up to visit them. Our son lives in a one bedroom apt with me and him and OW live in a 5 bedroom home. I guess he is showing our 7 year old how it is to be with someone you love. Our son wants to stay wth me in a one bedroom apartment and all he talks about is wanting mommy to buy a home for me and him. So my ex is really showing him isnt he.

 

This guy says he is such a good father. My ex says the same thing. Only the visits became less and less with his son, he doesnt have time, he is too busy with OW and making her happy. My ex thinks buying things and helping me financially makes up for it. Where as his son used to have him in the home, it turned into him staying gone and his son didnt know when he would be coming home or not. Now he has him about 1 day a week, usuallly on a school day, not the weekend. I hurt all the time but am trying to piece my life back together after being left for the OW. We were together almost 8 years, and our son gets to see him about 1 day a week and gets a call about 1 day a week, about a 5 minute phone call. Oh he said the same thing. Its not fair for kids to be in a home where the parents arent in love. Funny my son was happy to have his dad with him every day. So I guess it was more fair for a child to not wake up with his dad and wait on a phone call once a week or see him once a week on a school night. That was really fair wasnt it? So I guess it was ok for daddy to not come home constantly because daddy was excited and his son could have no excitement.

 

So I guess you guys we see who is important here. This guy needs his excitement, this guy is a good dad by showing his kids he loves this OW, wow that really shows them dont it. Wow while he was out with OW and his wife felt she didnt want to have sex it really gives him rights to cheat. Maybe the reason his wife didnt want to have sex is because he gave her signs he was cheating, maybe she didnt want to catch AIDS or some other disease. Maybe the time he spent going gaga over someone else he could have put into his own home. My child cried at night about his mom and dad being apart, his dad never saw this, I did, he was too busy sitting with his OW. And he has the nerve to tell everyone I dont care about our son. His son will grow up and realize that while he lived in a one bedroom apartment daddy lived in a 5 bdrom house with OW. Yes he has his bedroom there but doesnt feel its his home, all he says is that he wants a home. These selfish bastards try to put blame on everyone but themselves. They cheat and blame others for it, they love themselves only. When they get tired of the OW then they want to think about how they need to be with their kids and wives. You know who gets hurt in all of this, the selfish cheaters. The wives eventually find someone who loves them. My brother is 45 years old and cries all the time about how he has no relationship with the kids who are now grown and how these kids want nothing to do with him. He has his OW and her kids now, who he felt that her kids needed a father in their lives, he needed to be such a good father in her kids life and show them what a role model he could be because their father was not a good father to them. Guess what, these kids he needed to make sure had a father and left his own without a father. These kids despise him, curse him out, cant stand him, talk bad to him and want nothing to do with him, they cater to the biological father who he wanted to replace. His own kids despise and treat him the same way. OW doesnt really want him, sexually anymore, he cant stand to be there and has a child with her and constantly cries about the kids he left.

 

So this cheater will end up paying. In the end the wife found someone else and got herself together, the kids moved on, got used to not having a full time father, found good mates, and mister selfish is back to where he started, unhappy and alone.

[avman]

This thread now closed.