Kids don't want to talk on the phone to non-custodial parent

[Calvin68]

My friend lives in the US. She is from Brazil and has a 5 year old back there. When she left, about 3 years ago, her son stayed with her parents. This is actually pretty common - she's from a poor part of the country and came her to make money. At the time she left, her ex (the boy's father) was not in the picture at all and only saw him just a couple times a year, if that.

 

About 4 months ago, the ex went to my friend's parents house to take the kid on vacation. He never brought the kid back and now their son lives with the ex in a different city. The kid seems happy there and cries at the thought of having to return to his grandparent's house again to live.

 

The last month or so, the kid does not want to talk to my friend (his mother) on the phone. They used to talk every day. Now she gets to talk to him just a minute or two maybe once a week. Very often, she's told he's sleeping or not home. Sometimes the kid just refuses to talk on the phone with her. He's become a little rude at times.

 

I suspect the ex is poisoning the kid against his mother. Buy maybe it's normal for a five year old not to want to talk on the phone.

 

Thought would be appreciated.

[teabee]

If they used to talk on the phone everyday and the main difference is that the ex has come back into the child's life, I would also think it's the ex poisoning the child against his mom. Does it make sense that he'd do this? What kind of man is he? Did they split on bad terms?

[Calvin68]

They actually never lived together. But they were toghether for 4 years.

 

He sounds like he was kind of a jerk and is not happy she has not returned. They split up because he cheated on her and was physically abusive a couple of times. He never paid any child support. She eventually left to come to the US to make money.

 

I thought he was doing this to get her to come back. But he knows she is married to an American and is pregnant. So I don't think it is that.

[Miss Firecracker]

I'd say that is just a price you have to pay when you leave your babies behind. Nothing that can be done about it either. She made a serious choice and is living with the consequences. Thank God the father stepped up, better late than never. Her parents certainly didn't deserve that responsibility.

[DN]

It is possible that the boy's father is poisoning his mind against his mother but that is not necessarily the case.

 

Has she seen the child since she left him with her parents? If not - that would mean he hasn't seen her since she was two years old and would barely remember her.

[Calvin68]

I'd say that is just a price you have to pay when you leave your babies behind. Nothing that can be done about it either. She made a serious choice and is living with the consequences. Thank God the father stepped up, better late than never. Her parents certainly didn't deserve that responsibility.

 

I'm going to guess you don't live in a poor country...

Yes, she made a serious choice. Her other option was to stay and be unable to support her son. The father may have stepped up now. But he didn't pay a dime in child support for the first five years. And it was a decision they made as a family. Her parents have benefitted from the money she's been sending home too and they are heartbroken over the fact that the kid has not returned.

[teabee]

The posters above make a very good point. I certainly didn't care about my birth father when I was growing up, even though he wanted me to. He left my life early-on and my step-dad is Dad now. Any emails I sent my biological father when I got older were out of duty and because I was hoping he'd send money! We were reunited when I was 18 and I felt apathetic about the experience whereas he was so emotional he was almost in tears.

[teabee]

I'm going to guess you don't live in a poor country...

Yes, she made a serious choice. Her other option was to stay and be unable to support her son. The father may have stepped up now. But he didn't pay a dime in child support for the first five years. And it was a decision they made as a family. Her parents have benefitted from the money she's been sending home too and they are heartbroken over the fact that the kid has not returned.

 

The child doesn't understand all that. Technically it makes no difference. If he doesn't know his mother, he doesn't know his mother... Respect to her for making the hard decision that she did, but that's the sad reality.

[Miss Firecracker]

I'm going to guess you don't live in a poor country...

Yes, she made a serious choice. Her other option was to stay and be unable to support her son. The father may have stepped up now. But he didn't pay a dime in child support for the first five years. And it was a decision they made as a family. Her parents have benefitted from the money she's been sending home too and they are heartbroken over the fact that the kid has not returned.

 

I didn't say she made a wrong decision. I said she made a serious one, and there are consequences for each decision we make. And there isn't anything that can be done, unless she wants to go back and be with him again.

 

What sort of advice are you wanting?

[Baily]

The parent who has custody - MUST DEMAND - the kids that they WILL talk to the other parent...the child DOES NOT HAVE A CHOICE.

 

The non custodial parent must tell the other parent that they MUST have the kids on the phone and this action is not acceptable.

 

Even if the kids do not want to...they don't get a choice....the parent MUST have communication available.

 

If they refuse...you have no choice....but I would talk it out and require the children to come to the phone...NO MATTER WHAT...you will treat your parents with respect...BOTH PARENTS

 

Communication is key for everyone and someone being cut off is not good for ANYONE involved.