Anger phase kicking in....having a hard time

[chevcamaro18]

So its been almost 3 weeks since the break up. (gf lied to me about working on things with her husband and went back to him, lied to him about me and her feelings for me)

 

I never got a goodbye or anything. For the first few weeks i was mainly just sad. But anger set in big time yesterday. All I could think about was lashing out at her. It kept running through my head to write him a letter telling him the truth about everything so that he will doubt her and having problems trusting her.

 

Then I was bothered that I actually wanted to do that. This is the first time Ive ever felt vengeful like that. So I thought id sleep on it....and I woke up today even more mad and wanting to.

 

Any suggestions on how to deal with this? Or any stories on times youve lashed out and wished you didnt?

 

Thanks.

[mca1975]

People who are deceitful will always get their come-uppance, because they will treat everyone like that in the end. If you did do what you are thinking, it would probably backfire and make you look silly, just bide your time....

 

This angry stage is good but I know what you mean, it kind of consumes you doesnt it! I was like that a few days ago, constantly just raging inside, it was horrible, but it has passed now, don't like to stay angry.

 

At the end of the day, you are who you are and if you are not staying together, then it just wasn't meant to be. But I know what you mean.... what are you meant to do with the hurt??

 

I would say go jogging or something!

[chevcamaro18]

Thanks for the reply! Yesterday it kicked in really bad so I went to work out and it got much worse at the gym. To the point where I was so mad I had to leave.

 

Its just been burning in my head that she lied to me and lied to him about me. Im really frustrated with myself that I want to vent to him about her and hurt their relationship. Thats not me. Im the type that just walks away.

 

But Im so up and down. A few weeks ago when I was sad....I wanted to send her parents a letter about how they control her and make her feel. Now I want to lash out and hurt him and her haha im all over the place!

 

I hate that I know logically it would be completely stupid. But I cant get the thought out of my head.

[mca1975]

It's ok, you are normal, this is all normal. You are very angry and hurt and I can't say I blame you.

 

How long ago did you last see/speak to her. Maybe a letter is in order - thats if you havent promised yourself to go NC yet? You could always write the letter and not even send it, just to get it out. Anyway, I am sure this will pass don't worry, its very tiring being angry isnt it, lol

[chevcamaro18]

It's ok, you are normal, this is all normal. You are very angry and hurt and I can't say I blame you.

 

How long ago did you last see/speak to her. Maybe a letter is in order - thats if you havent promised yourself to go NC yet? You could always write the letter and not even send it, just to get it out. Anyway, I am sure this will pass don't worry, its very tiring being angry isnt it, lol

 

 

Its coming up on 3 weeks. Its over for sure and we have not talked since. But she ended it very poorly and made it hard for closure. Ive been writing letters and not sending them. Ive debated on sending one.....but if I did it would be a diplomatic one. Not something hurtful. Im just not sure if I want to or not yet.

[Starbourne]

Man... I know exactly how you feel. I just started feeling that way towards my ex. It's so draining being angry constantly.

 

All i want to do is break stuff and lash out at her.

[chevcamaro18]

Well, after mulling over it for a few days and talking to my counselor....I wrote a letter and sent it to her parents. I feel a lot better. Not so angry now.

 

A little back info. She is 21 and was leaving her husband. Her parents are very religious and were constantly pressuring her to go back to him. Towards the end it got rough as i assumed she was playing both sides (seeing me and him) and eventually her husband and family found out and cut off our communication. I only know because she had her sister text me saying sorry for everything.

 

So after a year of being in love and being promised things like meeting her family. It was really hard to just be cut off and not hear anything.

 

So i wrote a very brief letter to her parents apologizing for the situation. Not that i did anything wrong....but just that i was sorry everyone got hurt. I explainded (not in detail) that her and i were very close and in love and talked about serious things.

 

and just mentioned to them that even though they never met me, my heart and feelings were involved and i was hurt too though i was under the impression she was available.

 

then said i was concerned for her emotional being, since shed always talk of self harm or moving away because she felt controlled by her parents and that i hoped theyd talk to her about it.

 

it was very diplomatic and not insulting (though thats what i felt like doing haha) but it was may way to say "hey i was involved here too and i wasnt some piece of crap who was trying to break up a marriage"

 

It brought up some emotion to send. But I really felt I needed to.