Do men push you away, then get affectionate and then break up?

[jilki]

lately my bf has been pushing me away a bit. things were bothering him etc and shutting me out. this week he was his normal self again which was nice and he was VERY affectionate. It was a little rocky for a few weeks, the week before i didn't stay over, nor did we have sex. This weekend, he was affectionate, touchy/feeling and when we started to have sex he said ' we haven't been here in a while'. he has made suggestion for next week for plans which was a surprise coz its usually late notice.

 

anyways, im watching this tv show and they are talking about people breaking up. The girl on the tv show says her bf is pushing her away and she hasn't been dumped before so doesnt no what to expect.

 

The other character says if a guy is gonna break up they push you away and then they get affectionate to easy you up and then dump you.

 

 

I know this is ony a tv show!! but how much truth is in that?!

 

for the guys on here, is that something you do (maybe subconsciously), push the girl away a bit, then drag her back and be all sweet only to throw her away soon after?

[civilservant]

Probably not the best person to ask, since Ive never dumped anyone, but from my friends I know theyve all tended to gone for the harsh but direct approach. I dont think you've got anything to worry about, what dont you just ask him whats been bothering him?

[Kumatora]

I think he really owes you an explanation for his behavior because this isn't normal. If he's putting off sex for "next week" then something's going on. You need to have a sit down chat with him, expressing your concerns and your feelings when he does this. Let him know that it's affecting your relationship with him.

[jilki]

Probably not the best person to ask, since Ive never dumped anyone, but from my friends I know theyve all tended to gone for the harsh but direct approach. I dont think you've got anything to worry about, what dont you just ask him whats been bothering him?

 

what do you mean by 'harsh but direct'?

 

 

I think he really owes you an explanation for his behavior because this isn't normal. If he's putting off sex for "next week" then something's going on. You need to have a sit down chat with him, expressing your concerns and your feelings when he does this. Let him know that it's affecting your relationship with him.

 

yeah he sort of did. apparently some things i've been doing, not teling him much about what i do with my day (i always thought he wasnt that interested!) and other things, but they are me, its not something new!. There were a couple of other things, but he wouldn't say.

 

With the sex, i saw him fri and sat. Sat is when he told me things im doing 'wrong' but he still invited me into his house and he was hugging me and cuddling up to me still. Sex didn't happen maybe coz it wasnt 'appropriate' coz of what was going on etc. i think.

 

i saw him this weekend and he was his usual self, not distant like he was. hugging me, tickling me, laughing and joking and affectionate after sex too and wanted me to stay over. He also suggested going somewhere next saturday where i've been wanting to go...which is unusual coz i never know until the weekend if im seeing him.

[Kumatora]

yeah he sort of did. apparently some things i've been doing, not teling him much about what i do with my day (i always thought he wasnt that interested!) and other things, but they are me, its not something new!. There were a couple of other things, but he wouldn't say.

Unless they are things really important, then it's no reason to start being paranoid or pick a fight.

 

With the sex, i saw him fri and sat. Sat is when he told me things im doing 'wrong' but he still invited me into his house and he was hugging me and cuddling up to me still.

This would be a concern right here.

He's not happy with you. In what ways are you "doing wrong?" This would piss me off if I were invited to a person's house, thinking I'm going to be spending some good quality time with my boyfriend, and then he complains about I'm doing something wrong. Do you know what it is? Did you talk to him more about it?

 

He also suggested going somewhere next saturday where i've been wanting to go...which is unusual coz i never know until the weekend if im seeing him.

So he couldn't bring you? Why?

[civilservant]

what do you mean by 'harsh but direct'?

 

As in telling it like it is, without any sugar coating.

[jilki]

Unless they are things really important, then it's no reason to start being paranoid or pick a fight.

 

 

This would be a concern right here.

He's not happy with you. In what ways are you "doing wrong?" This would piss me off if I were invited to a person's house, thinking I'm going to be spending some good quality time with my boyfriend, and then he complains about I'm doing something wrong. Do you know what it is? Did you talk to him more about it?

 

 

So he couldn't bring you? Why?

 

He was saying i dont tell him stuff and im too quiet. One that bothered me was that he said he was having trouble connecting with me. What i dont get is he waits over a year to tell me that? He's told me he loves me. I havent changed since he said that. And apparently i dont know much. When i was over this weekend i mentioned a story i read on a a news website that was interesting (try to be more talkative!) and he goes 'how do you know about that!' and i said how 'from a news website' and he goes 'when did you do this' and i replied that at work, i usually check this news website each day and he smiles and says ' i didn't know you did that!'. Its not something i ever thought of telling him!

 

Well, i went over and we went out and he was acting weird and i asked him what was wrong until he told me coz he'd been acting that way for weeks. Then we drove back to his house and he invited me in.

 

Um with the saturday thing, na, he knows theres this place i wanna go we were gonna go this weekend, but it never happen (as usual). Then last night he said book in for it for next saturday for us to go.

[jilki]

As in telling it like it is, without any sugar coating.

 

ahhh. thanks.

 

Na, he was saying all these things about me and i replied back with what i thought although i dont think took what i said in tho.

 

But then afterwards he started to show me new apps he got on his iphone and then when we got back to his house, invited me in. weird.

[Kumatora]

From what you just told me here, I strongly don't think that this relationship will last under these reasons:

 

1. He isn't being very honest with you or himself.

2. He's making empty promises (how much do you want to bet that he won't be having sex with you next weekend?).

3. He refuses to admit that he's no longer interested in the relationship

 

This all falls under trust. The fact he can't open up to you and dodges you is a problem. Will it hurt, yes, but you have the right to know instead of being led on. If he is having a "hard time connecting," then why is he still continuing the relationship instead of being a man and say that he's no longer feeling it? Tell him to stop playing games and be more real in terms of handling this relationship. Honestly, you deserve better and so does he.

[jilki]

From what you just told me here, I strongly don't think that this relationship will last under these reasons:

 

1. He isn't being very honest with you or himself.

2. He's making empty promises (how much do you want to bet that he won't be having sex with you next weekend?).

3. He refuses to admit that he's no longer interested in the relationship

 

This all falls under trust. The fact he can't open up to you and dodges you is a problem. Will it hurt, yes, but you have the right to know instead of being led on. If he is having a "hard time connecting," then why is he still continuing the relationship instead of being a man and say that he's no longer feeling it? Tell him to stop playing games and be more real in terms of handling this relationship. Honestly, you deserve better and so does he.

 

This weekend im suprised he did have sex, coz im on antibiotics, but he still did (with condom)

 

i dont know if the 'connecting' thing was becuase i dont tell him that much. if he asks about work i say it was okay 'not too busy' because if i go into detail he hasnt got a clue what im saying. Sometimes it felt he was asking for the sake of it not actually wanting to know.

 

He has told me when stuff bothers him he shuts everyone out. me, his mom, his friends.

 

i haven't heard the i love you for a bit. guess have to see how next week goes. and find out where i stand.

 

if i send him a sweet text message during the week with i love you, would it be worth it just to see what his response would be? if i say it to him, i mean it tho.

 

i asked him to do something last night but he said he was tired and feeling unwell. Seeing him once a week is getting tiring and i made a joke of that i must be annoying if seeing me once a week is enough and hoped he'd feel better and he repies with 'dont be like that' a and then a few hours later he replied and told me how he was feeling and told me to book us in to go to this place next saturday.

[Lovelace]

Anytime the man has stopped the sex, a breakup has been imminent. I don't know if it will definitely happen here, but...you know, there are issues to deal with here.

[jilki]

Anytime the man has stopped the sex, a breakup has been imminent. I don't know if it will definitely happen here, but...you know, there are issues to deal with here.

 

but having sex at that time, i dont know may have not been right.We wern't agueing or having a fight but something still didn't feel right to do it i guess.

 

this weekend, he was eager for it. and during last week sent me a naked picture of himself while i was at work!