Why do fam/friend think you SHOULD be over it?

[jbrooklyn]

I cant stand when family or friend think that you should be over it by now...THEIR NOW. I am like just because I am not talking about it or whatever, that does not mean I am not hurting. My girl friend said I bet he not over there down about it. I said so what is that suppose to mean? He broke up with me.

 

I just think some people are impatient and lack understanding. I told her, I am not sitting in the house crying all day, I go out, I meet new people...dang!!! But I still have heaviness in my heart at times. It just gets on my nerves. They are over it and they want you to be over it too.

[brokenheart41]

Yeah, that's what my mom said today: "get over it". Look, for us it's devastating and life-changing but for the outside world it's something that should be over with within a week. Wait until THEY will go through this.

[jbrooklyn]

Yeah, that's what my mom said today: "get over it". Look, for us it's devastating and life-changing but for the outside world it's something that should be over with within a week. Wait until THEY will go through this.

 

Hell yes!!! It really burns me up so bad. Im trying to get over it...dang!! Im gonna get there

[MakestheBest]

pretty much what you both said.. ...i found ENA because I didnt want to wear my friends out talking about it. Its like when the tsunami hit indonesia...for a month or so we were like "awww" but like a gillion years later people are still dealing with it and we all don't want to be bothered. Just take it that your friend thought saying that very stupid thing was her way of trying to "pep u up". She didn't mean any harm. But if it gets to the point where your friends aren't helpful anymore just keep them out of your business. and if they still have something to say toss them out! You grieve as you grieve.

 

You always have the ENA fam

 

@ brokenheart My mother is a rock I couldnt ever TALK to her about it more than once.

[jbrooklyn]

pretty much what you both said.. ...i found ENA because I didnt want to wear my friends out talking about it. Its like when the tsunami hit indonesia...for a month or so we were like "awww" but like a gillion years later people are still dealing with it and we all don't want to be bothered. Just take it that your friend thought saying that very stupid thing was her way of trying to "pep u up". She didn't mean any harm. But if it gets to the point where your friends aren't helpful anymore just keep them out of your business. and if they still have something to say toss them out! You grieve as you grieve.

 

You always have the ENA fam

 

@ brokenheart My mother is a rock I couldnt ever TALK to her about it more than once.

 

I almost dont want to answer the phone. One friend, I probably wont be talking to much longer. I really dont like her

[MakestheBest]

what happened with that friend?

[jbrooklyn]

what happened with that friend?

 

I cant stand her cause she was messy while I was with him. She tried to do things in the name of friendship and but sometimes after I talked to her,, I felt worst than before. I honestly feel like she was trying to be a friend but I didnt like it when she did those things. Sometimes friend need to watch what they say.

[MakestheBest]

a lot of times when people do things that make you feel bad ( out of the ordinary for your general character) they are doing it on purpose. I had a friend I just had to drop. 1) i was beginning to feel jealous and left out among some of my friends esp my male friends 2) I was beginning to feel insecure about being able to read if a guy liked me. She was my closest friend and she was blocking a lot. I beat myself up about it tho. I thought it was in my imagination and that I was being petty and immature.

 

It hurt like hell ( like breaking up with a bf almost) when I realized that she was telling me the things that made me doubt myself, that she was pushing up on all of my male friends and jealous of the men I dated...but then again. I was glad to find out it was all her and not me. What kinds of messy things did she say or do surrounding ure relationship. Is this the same girl u mentioned in the OP?

[jbrooklyn]

Yes, it must be her. I just dont want to tell her to get lost. I dont know why.

[doesitmatter30]

All my family was like that. Get Over it they said... but it doesn't mean quite the same coming from a bunch of people who married their high school sweethearts and are still married 40-60 years later.... they have no clue.

[yonanz]

i quite disagree with most posters here. most of my friends and couins and siblings tell me to get over it. but they arent inexperienced. many of them have suffered failed relationships before, and so they do noe what they are saying. of course they understand the hurt, but as people who have been there and done that, they noe the pain will eventually subside one day.

 

besides, if u dont get over it ,what is an alternatve? clinging on to it? i trust tat u can tell the difference between a rational and an irrational option. clinging on to something that is beyond your control and that doesnt belong to you anymore is foolish. it paralyses you with emotions and hinders you from living life fully. only moving on is the best way forward, no matter how unwilling you are, and no matter how painful it is.

 

cheers

[incaangelique]

I am having the same issues. I am really trying my best! I know it has been over a month since my break up. I can honestly say that I have been trying as hard as I possibly can. I'm on day 35 of no contact. My work outs are very extensive now. I will be reaching my goal weight by August I am sure. I have read so many self help books. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on Monday.

I am still having major anxiety and depression issues though, and I am definitely not over it, and I am nowhere near being able to date anyone.

[MakestheBest]

i quite disagree with most posters here. most of my friends and couins and siblings tell me to get over it. but they arent inexperienced. many of them have suffered failed relationships before, and so they do noe what they are saying. of course they understand the hurt, but as people who have been there and done that, they noe the pain will eventually subside one day.

 

besides, if u dont get over it ,what is an alternatve? clinging on to it? i trust tat u can tell the difference between a rational and an irrational option. clinging on to something that is beyond your control and that doesnt belong to you anymore is foolish. it paralyses you with emotions and hinders you from living life fully. only moving on is the best way forward, no matter how unwilling you are, and no matter how painful it is.

 

cheers

Clinging onto it...and not healing yet are two totally different things.

[jbrooklyn]

i quite disagree with most posters here. most of my friends and couins and siblings tell me to get over it. but they arent inexperienced. many of them have suffered failed relationships before, and so they do noe what they are saying. of course they understand the hurt, but as people who have been there and done that, they noe the pain will eventually subside one day.

 

besides, if u dont get over it ,what is an alternatve? clinging on to it? i trust tat u can tell the difference between a rational and an irrational option. clinging on to something that is beyond your control and that doesnt belong to you anymore is foolish. it paralyses you with emotions and hinders you from living life fully. only moving on is the best way forward, no matter how unwilling you are, and no matter how painful it is.

 

cheers

 

my point is that I am trying to move on. They want me to be all good in a week or two. When they was going thru it, maybe their feelings werent as strong. who knows? All I am saying is that I am struggling but I am definitely trying to. Give me a freaking break!

[Etoile]

I cant stand when family or friend think that you should be over it by now...THEIR NOW. I am like just because I am not talking about it or whatever, that does not mean I am not hurting. My girl friend said I bet he not over there down about it. I said so what is that suppose to mean? He broke up with me.

 

I just think some people are impatient and lack understanding. I told her, I am not sitting in the house crying all day, I go out, I meet new people...dang!!! But I still have heaviness in my heart at times. It just gets on my nerves. They are over it and they want you to be over it too.

 

I know what you mean jbrooklyn. It has been a month since my ex left our 2 and 1/2 year relationship and my friends are like "are you feeling better yet?". Err...NO!

 

Everyone goes through heartbreak but people forget what it was like. I think when you stop talking to friends about it that they think you're over it.

[rapunzel]

Hearing someone say "get over it" doesn't help even though it is the truth. I heard "you just have to get over this" from my mother amongst other people. Of course, we all have to "get over it" and we WILL. These feelings are not going to last forever. But you are human and you can't snap your fingers and decide you are "over it". Some people use that method and perhaps it works for them but burying feelings and deciding they do not exist is not healthy and those buried feelings can come back in some undesirable form of emotion or acting out. Healing from heartbreak is not a linear, predictable process and everyone is different.

 

You can take steps to assure a hastening of "getting over it" like sticking to complete NC, keeping yourself busy by pursuing goals and doing nice things for yourself that make you feel good, and perhaps getting *out* of yourself and doing nice things for other people, e.g. volunteering or getting involved in a social group (link removed for instance has many social groups).

 

Since I work with my ex and have not met anyone else I've fallen for, my healing has been long and protracted. I have certain friends and family members I can still occasionally talk to about it but I have also learned there are people I *cannot* talk to about it. So I just don't talk about it with those people. You find out who your *true* friends are in situations like these. I also try to limit the amount I talk about it at all anymore and I find with time, I want to talk about it less and less.

 

I still come here on ENA and talk about it and occasionally get lambasted even here for not "getting over it". Until those people walk a mile in my shoes, they can't understand what I've gone through so I try not to take it personally. Of course, I want to be completely OVER it and I know I will get there eventually.

 

Your true friends and family want you to be happy so that's why they say that, as perhaps they feel helpless and feel that you are wasting time wallowing in your pain. Yeah, we are all wasting time but it IS a process and one must be patient. You will know when you are over it and just have faith that eventually this episode in your life will be just a memory and will not affect you in the least. Trust me, you *will* get there.

[jbrooklyn]

Well they all have the same answer....get over it or you will find someone else.

 

Well really....I dont want someone else right now. I was happy with what i had until it fell apart.

 

Get over it? Well like someone said, I am working on it. ALL THE FREAKING TIME...I wish there was a switch.

 

but I finally did find my switch so to speak. I am reading a really good book about a pattern in my life that I keep doing in my relationship. Please dont ask me what it is cause I wont share. But this is going to be a turning point for me. It has kept my attention. Thank GOD!

[britomart]

The healing process is slow...and others' patience wears out eventually. I'm hoping that once I talk to death about this stupid topic of my ex, I'll have exhausted everything and need to refill the tank with clean oil.