Please help me understand as my GF not able to break up with her Ex

[Prince.G]

Since few months before i started liking a girl, who actually came to my office and for me it was love at first sight. I hired her the same day as i also found good qualities in her. But later on slowly-slowly i came to know that she has a boy friend and in committed relationship since past 3 years in college days.

 

Many a times i found her crying in office while talking to him on different issues as she was very sincere to him and committed as well, but after 4-5 months she couldn't find any concern in her relationship. Mean while HR decided to terminate her due to non-performance. and till that time i controlled on my emotions so that it would be cheap if knowingly she has a BF and i will purpose her but with the news of her termination, i could not control for the fear of not meeting her in future, i just revealed that how much i loved her since the first day.

 

that time she did not tell me that she has a boy friend, later on after a week when i tried to convince her that she has a boy friend, she said things were not good since 3-4 months and nothing is left in that relationship. she thought she will tell me the whole but was waiting for the proper time. mean while she also accepted that she also liked me but could not tell me because of some fear that i was her boss.

 

Now his EX came into doubt that she talk with me late night and in relationship with me, now again he felt sorry from her for not showing concern and again saying her that everything will alright like first. but now the girl also got attached with me. and feeling very helpless as she feels incomplete w/o me when she thinks going back to him. and when she with me that time miss the days spent with him.

 

More over that guy making him feel that guilty as how could she thought of other guy if he was not able to be with for some time. as the excuse he gives that he might be busy at home or somewhere but he never thought of any other girl. he is making her feel guilty for destroying his life. even now the he has crossed the limits and he threatened her that he will show all the messages and other stuff to her parents if she will not come back to him.

 

He said her that she is wrongly indulging with me as i am not the good person to stay with. he also talk to me regarding her. Girl has also told her ex that when he was not showing her the concern at that time i really took her care, which she expected from her since 3 years and dont know what to do exactly and wanted to stay alone.

 

this things making me feel worse because when in the inception she told me that theres nothing left in her relationship and dint care about their 3 years relationship then what she is doing right now. tell me to sort out the things and where i stands in this crowd?

[annie24]

Welcome to enotalone. Now, I know that the dating system in India is different than in the US and Canada, but my general impression is: leave her alone!!! She is a very confused person, and sounds a bit weak as well. it's not right of her to start a new relationship without ending the old one. It's not fair to anyone - you, her, or this other guy. You need to stay out of this whole mess, as hard as it sounds. Tell her you care for her, and you would like a future with her, but obviously cannot do that with this other man in her life. She has to choose, and follow through. if she continues to not be able to break if off, you need to break it off with her and meet other women.

 

good luck

[lavenderdove]

To me it sounds like she is not prepared to commit to anybody yet... she sounds a bit immature and like she doesn't know her own mind and gets pulled towards whomever she is talking with at the moment.

 

My suggestion would be to help her understand that she will continue to feel bad if she doesn't make up her mind and decide what it is she wants and then just stick with it. So if she decides to be with you, then she needs to entirely break it off wiith this other guy and stand firm when questioned about why she did it, whether the questions are from her parents or the guy himself. And she needs to break contact with the guy entirely.

 

And if she can't break contact with that guy, then you need to tell her she obviously isn't ready for a relationship with you if she is hung up on another guy, so you need to step back and find a girl who does want to be with you alone rather than vacilllating between two different guys.

 

She may just need a little push to recognize she needs to make up her mind and stick to it, but she also may not be ready to commit to anybody because she is too young or immature to stick with any one person yet.