I said I love you to my boyfriend and he didn't say it back.

[emilinehapp]

I have been dating my boyfriend for a few months but we had been great friends for a while before. Right after we started dating I knew that it was for real. Last night I said I loved him and he said he didn't want to make things harder by saying it back (I guess because we are leaving for college soon). I understand this but I can't help feeling rejected and really stupid. I also started crying and he comforted me a lot but I just feel like such an idiot. I am very worried that this will change our relationship. Any advice?

[wlh22]

I am not sure I have good advice for you. But don't be down / hard on yourself. You should be proud that you have this feeling for someone and you can love someone Be happy

 

However, maybe look for a good time to sit down and talk with him. Depends on your expectations (when you said I love you) what you want from him / or want to talk about.

 

And it has been only a few months. Something to keep in mind dear.

 

As a guy, one thing I can say for sure - Don't put pressure on the guy to make him say "I love you" or manipulate (emotionally at least) to make him say the same thing. It will only create more problems for both of you.

 

Wish you the best.

[Lovelace]

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with what you did. When you say those words to him, though, you can only say them when you don't have the expectation of hearing it back. That's what the tears were about...you expected this warm, fuzzy memorable moment, and then he cut it off.

 

Saying I love you when it wouldn't hurt you if he doesn't say it back is the best time to let the words slip. People are different and fall at different rates. That said, in my world, if they don't say it by 6 months, I'm wasting my time. (I don't have the patience of saints). One time, I told a boyfriend that. After four months, he hadn't said boo about love, so I asked if he did, and he was silent, and I told him that if I didn't hear it within 6 months, I was leaving the relationship as a waste of my time. He said he loved me the next day. lol. Not suggesting you try this on everyone though. Most people would have thrown a rotten pineapple at my head if I said that.

[alli]

Yeah, that would feel uncomfortable to say it & not hear it back; almost like you had misjudged where the relationship was at & were wrong to say it. But it's not, it's how you feel. At the same time, it HAS only been a few months. Judge your relationship by the things you two do for each other, rather than the words you say. Maybe in his experience, he has used those words too loosely in the past & has decided not to throw them around like parade candy anymore.

 

Don't dwell on it, just go back to normal & continue on with the relationship. I would imagine that if the relationship continues to grow & thrive, this will issue will work itself out.

 

And lovelace, if I had a rotten pineapple I might consider throwing it at your head! LOL, kidding! But yeah, not a good way to get an authentic "I love you" by giving them an ultimatum.

[sidehop]

he said he didn't want to make things harder by saying it back (I guess because we are leaving for college soon).

 

That's hard since I'm sure he cares and loves you but considering the situation it's understandable. It would be different you were living together after college or already in a committed relationship where he rarely acknowledges the phrase let alone saying it back.

 

It sounds he still cares and sometimes that's what really matters.

[Jeen]

I have been dating my boyfriend for a few months but we had been great friends for a while before. Right after we started dating I knew that it was for real. Last night I said I loved him and he said he didn't want to make things harder by saying it back (I guess because we are leaving for college soon). I understand this but I can't help feeling rejected and really stupid. I also started crying and he comforted me a lot but I just feel like such an idiot. I am very worried that this will change our relationship. Any advice?

 

His trying to stay strong and not to make promises, he don't have the answers to, LDR relationships is hard and he is being objective about it. It is not about rejection it is about grieving the relationship you have now and how he is the one making the changes at this point. (feeling guilty for bring all this new dynamics into the relationship at this point) He may become even more distant as time for him comes closer to leave, he don't want to see you sad and he knows he is making you sad for their is a time he will have to leave and he knows it.