normsches Posted April 17, 2010 Share Posted April 17, 2010 My wife of 1+ year has wanted to be a musician since she was a little girl. But because of her parents she could not pursue it after high school and she ended up doing a 4 year degree in something else, and then 1.5 years working at a job she hated. She left that job and is now focusing on her course in music. She has recorded several awesome pieces at home, and participated won awards in several singing competitions. I am 100% supportive of her, and everyone who hears her music thinks it's awesome. I have a well-paid job, so we are doing alright money-wise. But... she is not confident enough in herself and is often depressed about the future. To such a point, that hearing a beautiful song on TV can set her off and ruin her entire day. Because she wants to be there, but believes she can never make it. She says she is too old (she is currently 24), not beautiful enough, not from the right demographic, etc. What's worse, one of her old friends from school who is in the US has just signed onto a label and recorded an album. She spends many evenings on facebook going through all her photos, re-listening to all her songs and gets herself more and more depressed. I try to be supportive, but when she gets into such a state she doesn't take on board anything I say. When she gets like that, nothing I say can make any difference what so ever... In fact she prefers to be alone when she gets upset and sometimes very forcefully tells me to go away, even if she admits that it's not me she's angry with. She says: "I just need to be alone when I'm upset" If I try to hug her, she gets furious at me. While I try not to take it personally it does really really hurt me to have my wife tell me to leave her alone... I'm afraid for her future, I want her to go for it but, even though I avoid saying it, I realistically know that it is not an easy career to make. She has a backup plan to do a PhD in Music and be a music academic, but I know that her heart is in anything else apart from performance. At once point she has threatened that she will kill herself if she can't be a singer... to have her say something like that is just a knife through my heart... Even though a few minutes later she apologized for being dramatic. One more factor is that we live in New Zealand, which is a country I love. In a perfect world I would spend my whole life here. However, the opportunities here are not as great as in our neighbouring Australia, or UK or the US. For musicians it can be hard to make a sustainable career with only 4 mil people in the whole country. She wants to leave, I would love to stay, but I tell her that I can make a move for her, and truthfully I know we could live anywhere with her and I would be happy. But I can't deny that I like it here, and I think she feels like that is anchoring her down... She says she wants me to want to move on my own for my own reasons... unfortunately I can't lie to her, I don't think I will ever want to move for any other reason than her career. My career is going well here. I feel lost, useless and helpless. I'm scared for her future, I'm beginning to be scared for our future together. I find myself becoming resentful of her when she tells me to leave her alone when she's upset - I'm trying to comfort her, but she locks me out and pushes me away. Link to comment
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