sherryberrypie Posted April 17, 2010 Share Posted April 17, 2010 Bf and I have been together for 4 years, living together for 3 years (in June). We've talked about the future lots, kids, everything. We have talked about all of the little yet important things (will we take the kids to church on Sundays? Will any in-laws be living with us, how will we discipline kids... I can tell (and always have been able to tell) what kind of person he is, what kind of father/grandfather he'll be. We've also talked lots about fun wedding ideas, what we want our home to be like... on and on. Our values mesh. The problem is, I am still getting that same old line "when we have enough money" when friends ask us about getting married. The other day at the pub, someone started talking about a past wedding and my boyfriend started talking about this big hypothetical wedding we'd have...right down to the last detail. Our friends were like, "well... shouldn't you get engaged first?" I was kind of embarassed. Honestly, it's starting to sound like an excuse to me. Seems to me that when you love someone and you want to start a life with them, there is no perfect time. The wedding really doesn't matter all that much to me, but he has plans. The weird thing is, he's not a materialistic person AT ALL. Except when it comes to creating this perfect day. I know perfect doesn't exist, but he sure seems to think that it just might. We don't have much money and we are just starting out, but that's the way it should be, right? We're not broke and suffering. No, I don't want to bring kids into the mix right now because we wouldn't be able to provide very well, but we could certainly get married. Yet all I get, time and time again, is "when we have enough money." Neither of us has been saving any money. He insists that he wants me to have a nice ring and a nice wedding. Well, he could have easily saved a bit of money each month to get me a decent ring, but he hasn't. I don't know why he has all the say in this, and I can't help but think that if he really wanted to marry me and make it all official, he could have by now. I see girls who break up with long time boyfriends and wind up engaged less than a year later... not that I would want to break up with him, but I don't really understand that phenomenon. Is the money thing just an excuse? Do long term partners take their partner's constant presence in their life for granted? I don't get it. I'm a great partner, he knows what I want and he himself constantly talks about what he wants , but it's just not happening. Link to comment
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