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is it ever inappropriate to say i love you?


veralyn

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If you've loved somebody your whole life, and they loved you infinitely too, but you missed all your chances to tell them until it was too late and they were gone... Would you still tell them just once?

 

I feel like if you love somebody, you should tell them what's in your heart no matter what the circumstances. Follow your heart.

 

But I tend to be more romantic and idealistic than the average person...

 

I want to tell him... But I know for a fact it won't get me anywhere. I just want to look him in the eyes and say what i should have said a long time ago, even if it's pointless now. just once, before i say bye...

 

boys - how would that fly with you..?

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Go for it, honestly.

 

As long as you aren't doing it with the expectation of hearing it back, then yes, it's a great idea.

 

I am (now!) firmly in the camp that says no regrets for anything, better to have nailed your colours to the mast and failed, than to have sat on your hands and done bugger all.

 

I just wish I'd had this mindset a couple of months ago.

 

Once I'm over my ex, and I won't care about the reaction, I'm going to do the same.

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Why is it too late??

I love someone very deeply, who I have known for 6 yrs now but I have never said so... I know they know it though, they must have been able to tell..

Anyways, it is too late now as I have no idea where they live or how to contact them, and I constantly regret it ):

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What if you were EX-loves of a long time...... and after years you realized you made a HUGE mistake...... they kept loving you for years and you missed all your chances to take them back..... i realize my love now that it's too late...... but want to tell him i still and have always loved him, just so i know i did... i know he's not coming back, i dont expect him to reciprocate the i love you at all. honestly. i know it will probably be very awkard for him. but it's genuinely just something i feel i need to say for myself, so i know he knows, and i can hear him say it's over rather than all this back and forth wishy washy saying we're friends and making plans and bailing over and over and over again for years, lame. it's time to make it one or the other. and i regret not telling him how i feel sooner. well, he KNOWS i love him deeply, but my point is i have failed to express so. so better late than never? and then i can move on.. only because i have to

 

still say go for it? ... or does that just come accross as crazy

 

i shouldnt care what it comes accross as. i feel i need to. my heart has been telling me to for far too long. i dont even expect anything from it, i just really need him to know............

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Hon in this situation I would wait to tell him when you are 'over' the break up... if you feel you need to tell him this, I feel yu are wrong...

All we need to "move on" is ourselves, trust me...

never was able to leave my ex (we broke up MANY times) without confessing my feelings to him, my hurt, my love, my anger.... every time we broke up, we would tell eachother we love eachother, convincing ourselves we would "move on" better... but this time round, i made a clean break, havent spoken to him since i broke up with him, and i feel better than ever before.... (even though, while it was still fresh, i felt the need to tell him i will always love him & be there for him... now i think, what a load of bs...)

 

 

I just don't see the benefit in you saying I love you to him...

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That's what everybody says... Maybe you are right.

 

But one of the biggest things I am holding onto that is preventing me from moving on is the regret that I never fully expressed to him how I still felt after we broke up. It's been years. And I have loved him my whole life. I don't want to tell him now for any selfish reasons, I truly don't expect any result......... I WANT to move on....... But first, I just want him to know. I will feel more at peace knowing that he knows my true feelings...... Do you know what I mean? We've always beat around the bush. And though it's beyond the point of no return now, I just want to put everything out there in black and white, for closure.

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p.s. why would you wait until you are OVER your ex to tell them you love them???? by the time you are over them, you shouldn't care to tell them that at all...... isn't it when you still feel passionate about the love that you should want to express it the most, no matter what the outcome?

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What is there to lose? Is there anything to lose? Do you want to still have this regret hanging over you in a few years time? Do it and either benefit from it or move on afterwards.

 

Maybe I'm a bit of a romantic, but there's not enough true emotion in the world these days.

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p.s. why would you wait until you are OVER your ex to tell them you love them???? by the time you are over them, you shouldn't care to tell them that at all...... isn't it when you still feel passionate about the love that you should want to express it the most?

 

 

 

Exactly (:

It isn't something we throw around, and to be honest, if you have never said it, you will want to remember the first time you said it with happiness, with someone you truly love... and not someone you had split with, ahahaha.

 

I don't think I will get over the fact I never told that one friend how much I love them, any time soon, it has been 4 years!! But it goes further back into my mind all the time... it becomes less of a worry...

Maybe one day he will know (:

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That's what everybody says... Maybe you are right.

 

But one of the biggest things I am holding onto that is preventing me from moving on is the regret that I never fully expressed to him how I still felt after we broke up. It's been years. And I have loved him my whole life. I don't want to tell him now for any selfish reasons, I truly don't expect any result......... I WANT to move on....... But first, I just want him to know. I will feel more at peace knowing that he knows my true feelings...... Do you know what I mean? We've always beat around the bush. And though it's beyond the point of no return now, I just want to put everything out there in black and white, for closure.

 

Maybe I've seen too many movies, but of course you'll feel more at peace having got it off your chest!!!

 

Imagine we all went around hiding our true feelings and acted like uptight robots?!

 

Kind of like I was with my ex!

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What is there to lose? Is there anything to lose? Do you want to still have this regret hanging over you in a few years time? Do it and either benefit from it or move on afterwards.

 

Maybe I'm a bit of a romantic, but there's not enough true emotion in the world these days.

 

 

 

see, i like you.

 

everyone is so stressed about the result, that they fail to truly express the point.

 

i may have only had one true love in my life (so far, i hope)...... but i lost him because i didn't properly tell him.... i will forever regret it. and better late then never, i think.... f*** it i'll at least tell him now.

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If you want to do it then go ahead - I think when people are saying to wait until you get over it is so that you can actually handle NOT hearing it back, handle not trying to get a rise out of him... from reading your previous posts you are still very much attached, and divulging that kind of thing to him while he's trying to live his own life apart from you may only just be harder for you.

 

If you think you can honestly handle him not caring whether or not you tell him, if you're able to understand that he might not want to say it back - and it's purely for you to get it out of your system... then I see no problem.

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If you want to do it then go ahead - I think when people are saying to wait until you get over it is so that you can actually handle NOT hearing it back, handle not trying to get a rise out of him... from reading your previous posts you are still very much attached, and divulging that kind of thing to him while he's trying to live his own life apart from you may only just be harder for you.

 

If you think you can honestly handle him not caring whether or not you tell him, if you're able to understand that he might not want to say it back - and it's purely for you to get it out of your system... then I see no problem.

 

 

Yes, I can handle it. I've accepted that. If anything, it might make it easier for me to look him in the eyes and hear him say it. All the games and half-conversations and semi-apologies and explanations just give me hope. But I really have to tell him... That's the main thing holding me back.

 

p.s. i quoted your description in my facebook profile i hope you dont mind. i think it's a beautiful quote, and way to be

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In a way Vera, I agree with you in saying what's the point in doing it once you no longer care. I'm in that dilemma.

 

I need her to know at some point, that I love(d) her. I just need to. The question for me is when will I be strong enough to let her know, and get a custard pie in return.

 

At the moment, 6 weeks into the dumping and 6 weeks NC, I'm not strong enough, not even close, and it's way too early to even be in contact. But when I'm back on my two feet, and up to it, I'll let her know how I feel. Like you I can't just let her disappear into history thinking my feelings were indifferent to her. She has to know how special she is to me.

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Wow Stu, you and I are on the same page.

 

I'm no love expert. But my personal opinion... Get yourself to a neutral place, not all heated and irrational because you're angry/bitter/still in love/any other emotion that seems to confuse your head after a breakup. Accept that it's done and then tell her... I don't think you need to be over it to accept that it's done. I'm still madly in love with him, but sadly, are coming to peace with the fact that we missed our chances...... I just think life's too short to not lete the ones you love know.

 

 

 

greensleeves,

yea.... he's in a new relationship...... that's where my dilemma lies....... it certainly IS inappropriate and i feel guilty and kinda unclassy for THAT part of it........ but on the other hand, i have many years on this new chicka whom he told me he doesnt even love. and part of the reason i say nothing sooner was for the same reason and i cant make the same mistake again. sometimes, i think you just have to break the rules and do what your gut is telling you, or live with regret..

 

i dont know, just my theories....

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greensleeves,

yea.... he's in a new relationship...... that's where my dilemma lies....... it certainly IS inappropriate and i feel guilty and kinda unclassy for THAT part of it........ but on the other hand, i have many years on this new chicka whom he told me he doesnt even love. and part of the reason i say nothing sooner was for the same reason and i cant make the same mistake again. sometimes, i think you just have to break the rules and do what your gut is telling you, or live with regret..

 

i dont know, just my theories....

 

If it's a new relationship, then I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with telling him how you feel about him, especially since he's told you he doesn't love her. I agree with you that you'll regret it if you don't.

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also, it's been a while... and i'm tired of feeling broken... so i can feel my love for him becoming exhausted.......... i want to tell him before it dies completely. that to me would be a tragedy, someone missing out on knowing that you love them because you waited until it died quietly and fizzled away, wasted... that's like shakespeare love tragedy material right there

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Tragedy,

 

There's a word I've used a few times when describing my situation. I don't know, maybe it's me, it just seems that so many relationships these days are disposable, material and status orientated. Maybe ( like my ex said ) I'm old fashioned, but I believe in butterflies, connection, chemistry, friendship, passion.

 

So I'm glad you're going to do it! The world needs more of this!

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I may go against the grain here, but I think to do this would be incrediably selfish. Yeah you might feel this way, and you might be ready to not hear it back, but consider the new partner for a second. How would you feel if some ex came up to your boyfriend and told him she loved him? One suspects you would be pretty put out.

 

I don't know why you broke up, or how long it had been, but I think that rather than taking this chance to make yourself feel better, you need to consider his feelings. He's made his choice, and to my mind the loving thing would be to let him go and be happy, not to throw this on him.

 

Just my opinion.

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