Opinions please?

[Haunt3d]

Ok so heres the deal,

 

Me and the mrs have been together for just over two years now. We love each other, and have open lines of communication with each other. We have, however been through a couple rocky times. Mainly due to the crazy ex g/f factor among other things. I have been accused on more than one occasion of cheating and "F**kin' around". None of which have ever happened. I constantly feel like she doesnt trust me at all even though she tells herself that. Its not even like I initiate this dramatic crap, but its somehow attracted to me. Getting texts from numbers I dont know, phone calls marked "private" ect. Im only 23 and she JUST turned 20. I love her so much but I cant keep living like this. Its killing me inside.

 

We have spoken on numerous occasions about buying a house, and even having kids. I just dont know how happy i can be if i constantly feel like she doesnt trust me. I just wanna resolve this before we hit the event horizon.

 

 

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

 

-Haunt3d

[shessofly]

has it always been this way?

 

you've given her absolutely no reason to behave this way?

 

what is your relationship with your "crazy" ex?

 

why don't you just change your number?

[Haunt3d]

No it hasnt always been this way but then again she was only 18 when we started dating, and still in high school. I have no relation with my Ex now and I have changed my number twice but somehow "magically" she gets my number.

[shessofly]

well then i'm not sure what kind of advice i can offer, except to talk to her about it. i noticed in another thread you said something about telling lies and it all blowing up in your face one day. care to elaborate? if you're lying to her the truth is she cannot trust you. forgive me if i'm confusing you for someone else.

 

otherwise something happened at some point that made her feel insecure. maybe you should go back to when this all started.

[shessofly]

i guess what i'm saying is your not giving people much to go on, if you really do want advice.

[Haunt3d]

Well we were on a bit of a rocky stretch with this kind of thing and the lying cause yes I did lie about stuff, but it was never anything directly attributed to her. Like if i was with a female friend. Its like she does'nt want me to have female friends at all cause shes worried about them trying to seduce me or vice-versa. ya dig?

[Haunt3d]

why the hell would i be on this thing if I didnt want advice??

[Haunt3d]

i guess what i'm saying is your not giving people much to go on, if you really do want advice.

 

Whats that mean?

[pumpkinmoon]

I think that if you are lying about who you are with then it's going to be hard for her to trust you.

[Haunt3d]

Im not lying about who i am, i know very well in fact who i am. Its the fact that all this stuff constantly surrounding me and her keeps comin in between us. And its the maturity factor as well. i.e. I would rather stay home or go to a fiends on a friday night and have a few drinks where as she would rather go out downtown, waste tons of money on cosmetics and booze and the n stumble home in a drunken haze and cause nothing but drama.

[pumpkinmoon]

I meant lying about who you are with. You inidcated that you had lied about seeing a famale friend without her knowledge?

[geekgirl4]

While it seems your gf has some self esteem and trust issues, you didn't really help it when you lied about hanging out with a female friend.

[Haunt3d]

well you know what, id be lying if i said i was the first guy whos lied about exactly that, but what the hell am i supposed to do when I dont know what type of reaction she will have? She constantly thinks that im up to no good and honestly, i want this bullsh!t to stop cause im only 23 and i feel like ive been married for 2 years and getting nothing but F##ked around! I shouldnt have stress right now man! I wanna look back on these years in my life not as the ones I want to escape but the ones I rejoice in. Id like a guys opinion cause so far, you all sound exactly like her too, is there really no rationale?

[pumpkinmoon]

well you know what, id be lying if i said i was the first guy whos lied about exactly that, but what the hell am i supposed to do when I dont know what type of reaction she will have? She constantly thinks that im up to no good and honestly, i want this bullsh!t to stop cause im only 23 and i feel like ive been married for 2 years and getting nothing but F##ked around! I shouldnt have stress right now man! I wanna look back on these years in my life not as the ones I want to escape but the ones I rejoice in. Id like a guys opinion cause so far, you all sound exactly like her too, is there really no rationale?

 

In a relationship, there are things which are acceptable and things which are not. You both need to agree on what is accptable in yours.

 

For example, in my relationship, we do not deem it acceptable to spend time one on one with a member of the opposite sex. Yes I have male friends but I do not spend time with them alone and I certainly wouldn't lie about it.

 

If you can't agree on things like this or disagree you either make concessions as to what you will or will no longer do and stick to those.

 

If you can't agree then it's time to ask yourself if this is the right relationship for you.

[faithful14]

If she's caught you in a lies before, then that's why she has trouble trusting you. Now, I do agree that a relationship won't work if she never will trust you but you have to also be honest with her and not lie to her about little things. So if you want to go hang out with your female friends, that's fine. Take your lady with you or at least introduce them to one another so that way she can determine how she feels about it.

 

And most importantly (as shoefairy said), you both need to sit down and talk about what you both find acceptable and unacceptable in this relationship. You need to come to some sort of agreement of how to work things out. Like if you want to go hang out with some friends that are girls, you are honest with her about it and you come home at reasonable time or you take her with you, or just some sort of compromise to make her happy. Trust me, this relationship can work if you both work at it.

[Brenda222]

The problem I have is this. If these females are just friends then why havent you introduced them to your girlfriend. You say you cant live like this. Youve given her plenty of reasons to distrust you. Why are you with her if you want to keep the life you had when you were single? I think you want to have your cake and eat it too. The ex cant miracoulously get your # unless you are giving it to her. I went thru the same thing and he said he cant deal with me because I dont trust him. Funny Im supposed to trust a man whos stays out all night, doesnt come home til the next day and talk to other women on the phone and says they are just friends. She is not doing anything you are making her distrust you and become insecure, its not her doing its yours. Stop blaming it on her ok. Get rid of the ex or get back with her and leave your girl alone. Who do you care more about the ex or your present girl. You need to get your priorities straight and realize who is important to you. You are always gonna be blaming your actions on someone else. A mate wants to be able to trust the person she is with. Your not to be trusted. Why do you have secret friends. If they were just friends then they should be able to come to the house and meet your girlfriend.