believeme Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 ]Me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year. We love eachother. We actually met because of an online dating site. When we first started hanging out he knew what my dealbreakers were for a relationship. And Smoking weed was one of them. He told me about his past and how he use to smoke non stop all the time. i was fine with that it was in the past. SO its like a year later and i find out he has started smoking it again. he lied to me about smoking. He said that his reason was because i brought it up and said i would leave him if he did. Of course if he did back when i met him he never would have had a chance, but now it is a year later like i said and i love him, but it seriously KILLS me to see him smoke it smell like it or anything. Okay so i have been cheated on before from my first LOVE, most people probably know how much that hurts. Well every time i see him do it, ( he doesn't know i see him by the way) it feels like that i automatically feel overwhemingly sad. We talked about this like 4 months ago or whenever he said he was thinking about doing it again and i told him i wouldnt be with someone who smokes weed. He reluctantly agreed only because he loved me and didn't want me to leave him. Well now he has started back again. he says he does it when he is bored. I am so upset and angry because i asked if he would go to the store with me and he said no, and then he leaves the room thinking i am just going to stay in there all night and he smokes weed. In the apt. where we are both living now. That was two days ago, yesterday he wouldn't go to the store with me either and i just stayed in the room. He was at his computer with his headphones on. I heard him coughing. i came out and saw him smoking weed. i did this everytime he coughed last night. at least 6 times i caught him smoking without him knowing. I am angry that not only does he not care about me enough to realize this one thing is all i want. but he wouldn't go to the store with me and instead thinks its okay to spend the day smoking weed right out side the room he thinks im sleeping in. I know he doesn't see anything wrong with it. but i do. and he knew i didn't approve from day 1. he even agreed and now he has suddenly changed his mind and lied to me about it. not just about smoking but also about where he got it. He doesn't know i know but i know where or should i say who, and i am more then upset about it. He thinks its okay to chill or whatever with dealers. I have so many reasons for not wanting him to smoke. I don't want to be associated with someone who smokes. We are planning on getting married. and i would be ashamed if anyone knew that he smokes. I have some experience with this in a past relationship. The guy started smoking, he would lie to me about who he got it from and spend allllllllllllllll day smoking. i always said i would never date someone who did it. i made an exception for him because i thought i loved him and didn't know what i would do without him. Now i see that all i did is waste my time and get hurt. I really don't want my boyfriend to be smoking. It hurts, like literally whenever i think about it, find new evidence, smell it, or anything. He thinks that it is so wrong of me to try to tell him that i will leave him if he does it. But he knew from the start what he was getting into, I don't understand how weed could mean so much to him that he could choose to give me up for something like that. Honestly it just sucks. He told me he is not going to lose me, and that i must not really love him if i could break up with him because of something like that. But that is just how strongly i feel about this. its only been a few days since i found out he has been doing it, but i can already see this heading down the same path that it did last time. Only difference is that this time i know for sure i actually love him, yeah sure i start little fights all the time, and give silent treatments, and pretend i am mad when i am not, but really i love him he knows that , just like i know he loves me. The only thing that gets in the way of us is the weed thing,... He tells me he isn't going to do it forever, one time he told me he just wanted to do it one more time, i said no, of course. But okay he has done it once, now what. When will it stop,...he gets mad when i blame the weed for anything,....which i do blame it. Who wouldn't when you feel as strongly about it as me. what makes it so damn good that he would even have to think about the decision. He probably thinks i am just trying to control him and that after this im not going to let him leave the house with out me,,.....or some other kind of restricting thing that crazy gf's do. But thats not what i am trying to do. I just want him to respect me and what i believe in and what he said was okay a year ago. I didn't go back to school so i could stay with him,....Almost everyday i wish i was in school instead of working,...i want to do all the things i wont be able to because i decided he was the one and i didn't need to do all the stuff people should experience in college. As if that wasn't bad enough. just a few weeks ago i left my job. transfred so i could live with my boyfriend. I had already put it off for like 4 months and everytime i would move the date further he would get mad. Well i will tell you what, i didn't realize how great i had it at my old job,...this one sucks,...i have no friends here, and my family just moved 21 hours away. the only thing i have left is my boyfriend. Which would be enough, thats exactly what i planned on having anyways, but now i just feel unappreciated because of how much i gave up to be here, and he cant give up something as simple as weed. * * * . This is probably super repetitive but i just can't explain in words how much this sucks. I decided to stay with him,....not because i lowered my standards, because if that were the case it wouldnt hurt me that he smokes. The reason i stayed is because i do love him and i cant leave him. But i hate this feeling, i wish he understood how i feel,...I wrote a paper about my first love,....the worst emotional pain i have ever felt, i honestly don't think i will ever feel anything like that again. but this really is the same feeling just not as intense. AM i being unreasonable. what can make me stop feeling like this is going to end in regret? Or am i right and him wrong? Its not like i am angry with him non stop but its like everyday i find out something more hurtful. I am lacking so much trust in him right now. ughhhhhhhhh why can't he just drink instead. Link to comment
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