My ex's past

[Sonicxman]

I am looking back at things and wondering if any of these things led my ex wanting to divorce. I am done with the relationship but just curious, no one has giving me a strait answer on this before.

- Molestation, when she was young by her grandfather and nobody knows except for me. She is from Mexico so if it got out she would fill that she would be the black sheep of the family.

- Miscarriage at the age of 16 and at the same time her mother died of breast cancer, where she then became the woman of the household, which she ended up rebelling.

Which 5 years later I met her.

[abitbroken]

I am looking back at things and wondering if any of these things led my ex wanting to divorce. I am done with the relationship but just curious, no one has giving me a strait answer on this before.

- Molestation, when she was young by her grandfather and nobody knows except for me. She is from Mexico so if it got out she would fill that she would be the black sheep of the family.

- Miscarriage at the age of 16 and at the same time her mother died of breast cancer, where she then became the woman of the household, which she ended up rebelling.

Which 5 years later I met her.

 

I can't say whether if these issues led to her wanting a divorce because I don't know what your relationship is like or how you relate to each other. None of these situations in and of themselves would predict someone would divorce. There are people who have been molested as children who have successful marriages. There may be intimacy issues to one extent or the other, but many people who had molestation in their past have trusting relationships with spouses. A miscarriage would have nothing to do with divorcing a future husband, I wouldn't think. Being the woman of the household very early may mean that she could have jumped into a relationship to escape that, but if that was five years prior then that argument doesn't exactly explain it either. (and it takes two to tango)

 

I think it boils down to what your actual marriage was like - did you marry her or were attracted to her to 'rescue' her as she had some adversity? some men are attracted to damsels in distress. Or is she a strong and resolute woman because of her circumstances? Also, it boils down to what your communication is like because it takes two people to break a marriage, just as it takes two to make one.

[sahasupa]

Not necessarily.

[Sonicxman]

Thanks for the reply abitbroken. After this weekend, I read up on some stuff, things that she has said to me in the past and your post makes me believe that we just got married to young. None of this stuff has anything to do with it. I guess it's easier to find a reason outside of our past relationship and maybe all I am doing is finger pointing (look how screwed up this person is). Maybe it's both our faults and no one's fault. When we got married, I was 23 and she was 21, I can say now and even admit (it hurts to say) that marrying her, was more for her than me.