SDAL Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 You know the saying 'It's not what you say, it's how you say it'? This doesn’t apply to my boyfriend. He's driving me nuts because if he thinks I'm even a little upset with him about something, he gets extremely defensive. No kidding, something really small that I'm not even angry about will get blown up into a huge, messy fight if I don’t keep my cool. If I'm upset over something and I know I need to talk to him, I will rack my brain trying to find the right words to use so he won't feel attacked. But it doesn't do any good because no matter what words I use or what tone of voice, he will get defensive and blow things up. I've figured out that no matter how I approach him, he will manipulate the situation to make himself the victim and me the bad person. For example, no matter how calm I am, he'll accuse me of yelling at him, even when I've done nothing of the sort. The thing is, is that he honestly believes I've yelled at him. Almost like we weren’t even in the same conversation. Mind you, I don't bring things up to him all that often. I would say that generally I'm pretty happy with myself and the relationship. Except for this, the relationship is really good. But this one thing is making me resent him. I'm actually holding back from discussing things with him because it's less stressful for me to do that than to try to talk to him about what ever it is. I suggested that we talk to a therapist about this. He rolled his eyes but agreed. Is this how other couples fight? I feel like I'm trying so hard to fight fair and I just can't do anything right. Help Link to comment
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