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How is it possible i have let a guy make me feel this worthless to the point that i cant physically be alone without having a panic attack.

I'm sat here at work freaking out again.


I think this one little fling has been a catalyst for 5 years worth of stuff that i have bottled up and i dont know whats happening to me right now.


18 - Parents split

18-21 - Lived in very tense home, First love heartbreak, dragged out over years

21 - Got Kicked out, started drugs

22-twins misscarraige

23-Abusive relationship, on and off

24-Abortion, Large drug habit

25-20 people strong bullying of me, ex stole 4 k

26-latest guy... hot and cold... made me feel on top of the world then threw me off the pedistal.


there in a nutshell is 5 years worth of things that have built up and i feel like this latest heartbreak is the end.


i now live alone dont have anyone to turn to i have been having panic attacks if im alone for more than half and hour and basically avoiding facing the fact that its over.


i fell for him and then he kept me hanging for 6 months we finally tried again, had sex ( badly) and then he dissappeared.


This has left me feeling totally worthless and becuase i was so uncomfortable and nervous around him i feel i made it terrible. therefore im blaming myself.


i have lost all self respect and im dying inside.

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