Don't Know What To Say...

[GeneralLee]

So if you read any of my posts about my recent break-up with my now ex-fiance, you know what she did to me. If you didn't heres a quick recap. We met, fell in love, started dating, and got engaged in pretty short order. We are both military and I was going overseas; she was due to join me a few months later after we were married. Long story short while we were apart she cheated on me with three different guys and then broke up with me via MySpace. Now its a few months later and we haven't spoken except to exchange new addresses for the obligatory post breakup return-of-crap package. I've moved on and thought she had too, but now out of the blue I get a three word message from her (on MySpace of all mediums, theres an irony in that somewhere I'm sure) saying "I Miss You."

 

I'm known for being a quickdraw smartass, but for the life of me I do not know what to say to this. She was the one who pushed the marriage card, promised me through my doubts that we'd make everything work, begged and pleaded with me until I let my guard down and fell in love with her, then gave herself to three other guys when she didn't have me around anymore, lied, told me she loved me over the phone while she was probably in the same room with the guy she was cheating on me with, broke up with me, and now she wants to lay this noise on me?

 

I'm just filled with mixed feelings right now. I'd be lying if I said I didn't still have feelings for her just like anyone whos been prepared to give the rest of their life to someone and had it stripped away would be lying if they said the same thing. I'm not angry at her and I've forgiven her, on the other hand though, she did this. SHE did this, and now she realizes she threw away a good thing, like a child who decides to break their favorite toy and then cries because its gone. I want so badly to throw what shes done in her face, but at the same time, I feel sorry for her. I know what a strong drink regret can be. I just don't know what to say...

[CatsMeeoow]

Say Nothing....

 

I have no doubt she has regret but her actions are not acceptable. Relationships are hard work and if she turned her back on it so quickly while you were separated but so in love what do you think will happen years down the road when your marriage hit a bump and was definitely being tested?

 

I hope you realize you deserve someone who would show you more respect than she did and at the very least honor your commitment enough that if she couldn't handle the distance she would have ended it first before going behind your back.

 

Let this serve as your 'ah ha' moment that you could have ended up marrying this girl not knowing who she really was.

 

Keep moving on... and your silence will tell her to move on....

[sidehop]

I agree...even one guy...let alone three? The person you loved had the nerve to even cheat and kept going but to say that she misses you? I'd be pretty furious.

 

It's understandable that you still have feelings, anyone would but don't say anything, that's her poison she has to live with for rest of her life.

[DN]

She isn't the person you thought you fell in love with. This message is from the person you thought she was not the person she is.

[happylady]

I think if I received a message (haha on myspace non the less, and yes that is very ironic) i would most likely laugh and delete it straight away. I am sure there are feelings still there, but whenever they come around push them out by thinking of how she stomped on your trust. Try to think of how it would feel if you guys got back together and you had to take another long trip. Would you be able to trust her while away? I personally wouldnt.

[Convict7]

Try to think of how it would feel if you guys got back together and you had to take another long trip. Would you be able to trust her while away? I personally wouldnt.

This says it all.

 

As much as you want to hurt her back for everything she did to you, you're better off taking the high ground. Don't reply at all and just delete the message. It won't do you any good to let her back into your life.

 

Although I wouldn't suggest this, only you know your feelings and your capacity to forgive and forget...

 

You say you've gotten over it and forgiven her, and maybe you can see a way that you can work through everything and get back together with her. Don't hold your breathe for her next gesture, cause the message may have been a mistake on her part. I still say don't reply. She treated you and your feelings like trash and sending you a short message saying she misses you on myspace is not enough for you to put yourself back out there. If she really did some self examination and decided that you matter to her she will have to show it a lot more convincingly than that. I don't know what it would take to rebuild trust with you personally, only you know that, but are three words typed online enough to try again with her? I doubt it.

[GeneralLee]

I think you misunderstand. When we started dating I told her that cheating was a dealbreaker for me. Theres no question of getting back together. I wanted to be with her because I thought she was someone she wasn't. Now that I know who she is being with her holds no appeal to me. Like I said though, you'll always have feelings for anyone you give yourself over to so completely even if you don't want them back. I'm just torn between reconciling and letting her know I forgave her, or making her eat her liver over the mistakes she made. Or as you said, I'm doing perfectly fine, and no reason to mess with perfection.

[Convict7]

I think you misunderstand. When we started dating I told her that cheating was a dealbreaker for me. Theres no question of getting back together. I wanted to be with her because I thought she was someone she wasn't. Now that I know who she is being with her holds no appeal to me. Like I said though, you'll always have feelings for anyone you give yourself over to so completely even if you don't want them back. I'm just torn between reconciling and letting her know I forgave her, or making her eat her liver over the mistakes she made. Or as you said, I'm doing perfectly fine, and no reason to mess with perfection.

I definitely misunderstood. Glad to hear you're doing so well. Even though it would be a lot more fun to throw it in her face that you're doing so well, your best bet is still to stay away. The people close to you will always know which buttons to push to hurt you, don't open the door to someone who has proven she will hurt you.