Designing My Life! Directing My Emotions and Passion!

[Agrajag]

My life is driven by passion. I am always flooded with confusing emotions and sometimes wonder if I'm going through puberty again - or a quarter life crisis?

 

I strive to be the best at everything I do and I must stand out - I must make a mark

 

I just started reading a book called "iconoclast: a person who does something that others say can't be done" seems to fit my life some/most of the time.

 

I feel different. I feel like I'm always on the outside looking in.

 

I've recently been hurt by a woman. I let her close to me, and that was a mistake. I wake up and wish she was still beside me. Naked 18 yr olds are always a great thing to see first thing any morning - i just miss the company and intimacy, not her. I thought I was in love. But if I was I would have seen her ending it before it happened - even when she didn't know.

 

I'm 23 and I want to wake up and have a wife. A family. I want the search to be over. I want to find the intimacy at a level I can call love - and feel that reciprocated irrefutably. Don't we all.

 

I'm going to start a journal here - with no set posting structure, just when I have questions or something happens to move the story forward.

 

I have a feeling this will take me thousands of kilometers and meeting thousands more people. I will talk about my trip from one coast of North America to the other, and back, and from this continent to Europe...and back? Maybe i'll stay there.

 

I want to talk about a girl I've had a mad crush on for over 10 years - is she worth my time? Why is she on this pedestal? Why do I hang on to her?

 

I want to talk about poetry - how maybe my visit to Europe will answer al questions. I am traveling to discover my family history - one I have recently discovered is rich and rather important to the country's history. Maybe I will meet a girl in the place my family's history is the strongest - bringing me thousands of kilometers to start a family?

 

I just need help organizing these thoughts and emotions.

 

It sure will be an interesting read!

[Agrajag]

cool no replies this will save me a lot of typing in the futre