Everyone is having babies. Except me

[jilki]

Has any one felt that they are 'missing' out on having a baby or the ones left out because all of their friends are getting married and are/have had babies. And you havent?

 

Nearly all my friends are having kids. People i knew years ago and not any more but you still find out that they are either married or had a baby...

 

and here i am. no where near to both.

 

i know im still fairly young (25) but it sort of gets a bit depressing!

 

 

any one have this too?

[eggplant47]

Nope! And here are a few words to help you get over how you're feeling: Mucus plugs!

Shooting crotch pain! Impacted nipple! Stretch marks!

[hexaemeron]

Do you want a child because you want a child or because you feel like you have to keep up with your friends and measure the quality of your own life by what they're doing?

[dragon lady]

I'm with martini!

 

A few of my friends have started having kids and it has only reinforced how much I don't want them.

[jilki]

Do you want a child because you want a child or because you feel like you have to keep up with your friends and measure the quality of your own life by what they're doing?

 

No. i do want them. And are ready for them etc, its just made me more aware of it in the past 6 months when everyone seems to be having kids. even people i thought would never!!

 

 

 

I'm with martini!

 

A few of my friends have started having kids and it has only reinforced how much I don't want them.

 

ha. im not around their kids that much. I Do know there is bad and good and sometimes when you think of kids you think of all the good stuff, and not the bad (diapers, crying, mess etc).

 

 

I also think these thoughts/feelings come from that my relationship with my bf is rocky and worrying if its gonna last and then getting worried i'll neer meet anyone again and miss out on the baby thing.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I just can't fathom how someone can worry about having babies at the age of 25. Many of my friends are married or are getting married, but none of them is thinking about a child, yet.

 

Enjoy your life girl, before a kid comes and ruins it all!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

No matter how old you are, there will always be something the masses are doing at a particular age group that not everyone is doing yet or will ever do. In your twenties you have to face all the people getting married...the engagement showers, bridal showers and then the wedding. Then you have to face many of your peers having babies. In their thirties and forties people start looking around at their peers and start noticing how everyone else seems more successful in their life..be it career, money etc. Then into the 50's and 60's people start looking around at their peers and see many who have been able to afford to retire early...or how many have grandchildren and can't carry on a conversation with someone without yammering on about how the sun rises and sets on their grandchild. In the 60's and 70's it is the comparison to retirees..who has money to go away on many trips or to have that condo in Florida. The "fun" of comparisons never stops, no matter how old you are...so it is best to live your life and be happy with your life without looking over your shoulder at everyone else.

[BellaStranger]

I feel EXACTLY the same as you! I even had my own thread on here talking about the same thing!! I want kids so much and seeing all my friends having babies is miserable! I was also made worse by my relationship falling apart and now it has and I am scared that I'll never have children... or that I'll be a really old mum (which I hate the thought of)!! I did have a bit of a scare recently and it did make me realise that as much as I want kids... I want to be in the right place emotionally when it happens! I'm also 25.

[sidehop]

I'm sure the right time will come! A lot of my wife's friends are having children in their 30's. One mom had her first around 35 and the second at 37.

[sophie274]

You've only been in your relationship for a year, your boyfriend doesn't want kids right now, and if the relationship is rocky ... well then it's definitely not the right time. When you get the urge, try to remember that having a child is about thinking of the best interests of the child FIRST, and that your situation would be less than ideal to bring a child into.

 

I notice you have babies on the brain - you've had multiple threads under different names asking about whether your boyfriend is dropping hints that he wants kids (when he's said he doesn't right now), wondering what would happen if your birth control failed ... just make sure you are conscientious about that birth control, because it should be a JOINT decision to have a child, not just yours.

 

At 25, even if this relationship ends, you have many many many fertile years to find someone else, and it's highly unlikely that you'll "miss out" on having kids for that reason. So I don't think you have anything to worry about on that front.

 

Oh, and I'm close in age to you, and no one I know is having babies at all! So not everyone is doing it. Most of my friends don't want to think about babies until they're well into their thirties. You're not an outlier.

[Cognitive_Canine]

No. i do want them. And are ready for them etc, its just made me more aware of it in the past 6 months when everyone seems to be having kids. even people i thought would never!!

 

 

ha. im not around their kids that much. I Do know there is bad and good and sometimes when you think of kids you think of all the good stuff, and not the bad (diapers, crying, mess etc).

 

 

I also think these thoughts/feelings come from that my relationship with my bf is rocky and worrying if its gonna last and then getting worried i'll neer meet anyone again and miss out on the baby thing.

 

Trust me, pretty soon your friends will be jealous of you. While you are out dating and being a hot item on the town, they will be changing diapers and trying to get a half way decent sitter. The Grass is always Greener.

 

I'm so glad that I grew up with much younger siblings. I changed diapers from 14 through high school. It gave me a realistic view of children and destroyed any baby wants until 30.

 

"Because everyone is doing it" is not a sound reason to have a child.

[newwave]

At 25 I didn't want to marry or have babies. At 39 I think I might but not sure I ever will. 25 is still very young.

[BellaStranger]

25 isn't too young to know what you want! Some women just know they're meant to be mothers.... A LOT of my friends have babies and A LOT of my friends are still young, sexy party girls and I know in my mind, very clearly, who I envy and who I don't!! I know the realities of having a baby, that it's hard work, tiring, messy but I also know it's everything I want and if I get to 39 and havent got a family yet it will probably mean i've spent many years unhappy!

 

The thing is, for me, and I think the OP as well, what I want is for a family unit to exist. I know not all marriages work out, in fact most dont, but I want to give myself the best shot before I have children. I'm starting to see all this time in between as wasted time, where I should be settling down with someone, so I can have a baby in a few years after we've had some time as a couple. unfortunately, this is not the most attractive quality in a woman and by having it on my mind, I'm only hindering my chances of getting what I want from life.

 

My advice to the OP is the same advice I try to give myself... knowing what you want is good, but try to put it out of your mind. Putting yourself on a time scale isn't a good reason to stay in an unhappy relationship.... but knowing that relationship isnt going to give you what you want should help aid you make decisions.

[MissyM]

I am way behind most of my friends. I'm 31 this summer and it's only in the last 18 months that everything started to fall into place for me. I was trying to force the issues (marriage, babies etc) for so long and it just wasn't happening. Turns out I was with the wrong man and now I am happy and in love (real love this time!) everything is falling into place. We are getting married next May and we're both loving planning it and then hopefully babies will follow if we are lucky enough. We lost a baby (unplanned) last year and it hit me really hard but I am slowly getting over it and am lucky to have such a strong relationship and an amazing man in my life!

 

I would say just relax and don't worry. You have plenty of time xxx (never thought I would hear myself saying these things!!)

[jengh]

All but two of my friends have kids. My girlfriends are mostly older (28-32) so it's "that time" but they ALWAYS tell me how envious they are of me. Like CC said, grass is greener! Sometimes, I feel left out of everything... like, I can't chime in on the woes of having a husband and a few spawns running around... but in the end, I am very happy in my decision to just have a boyfriend and no children.

 

And, if all else fails, I just say to myself, "vaginal tearing".

[arwen]

I totally agree with Sophie.

 

Your relationship needs to be in a very stable place before you introduce a child in it - it's wonderful, yes, but it turns your life upside down.

[Fudgie]

I totally agree with Sophie.

 

Your relationship needs to be in a very stable place before you introduce a child in it - it's wonderful, yes, but it turns your life upside down.

 

Agreed...

 

I don't like it when I see couples struggling and then someone (usually the woman) decides to bring a child into the world because it will "save the relationship". This isn't true.

 

Children are a ton of work...and that's an understatement. They stress you and your partner out and that's why your bond has to be strong BEFORE you get pregnant. Having a baby doesn't necessarily make your bond stronger.

[newwave]

25 isn't too young to know what you want! Some women just know they're meant to be mothers.... A LOT of my friends have babies and A LOT of my friends are still young, sexy party girls and I know in my mind, very clearly, who I envy and who I don't!! I know the realities of having a baby, that it's hard work, tiring, messy but I also know it's everything I want and if I get to 39 and havent got a family yet it will probably mean i've spent many years unhappy!

 

I haven't spent all those years unhappy, it's just the way it worked out. I only started looking for a serious relationship a few years ago.

[Notreadyet87]

I would like to have kids too. All of my friends are at the age where they are getting married and having children (24 and older). I'm not stable yet, but I know that in a couple of years I'll be ready for marriage and then hopefully children.

[arwen]

There is nothing wrong with having a strong desire to have a child. But it should not result in bad decisions when you are not in a good place relationship-wise. A friend of mine was messy with the pill and got pregnant from someone she was with for barely over a month. They never had the time to enjoy something as simple as a holiday together.

 

I was a bit short in my last post, but I mean what I say. I LOVE being a mom. But I have to honest that I sometimes long back to the time that my life was less complicated, and involved more me-time (especially when it comes to planning my own day, try doing that with a young baby around!), or simply more... sleep! And I really have a very easy baby, that doesn't cry a lot and sleeps very well.

 

Live in the moment, and enjoy the days as they are now. You have all the time!

[Hope75]

I know it probably feels that way but it sounds like this is the perfect time for you.

 

I didn't get married until 32 and had my first child at 33. This was much later than what I had pictured in the grand scheme of my life but I am happy it turned out this way. Honestly I'm glad we waited, I really feel ready to give her a good strong upbringing and like I had plenty of time to enjoy my dating and solo lifestyle before giving it over to a little munchkin.

 

Good luck Missy!

[BellaStranger]

I haven't spent all those years unhappy, it's just the way it worked out. I only started looking for a serious relationship a few years ago.

 

Don't get me wrong- I'm not saying that... you have made your decitions and done what is right for you and you should be happy with that!! I'm not saying it is wrong to do it your way or making any sort of judgement on older mothers. I am just saying thats not what I want and I'm starting to find it really patronising to be told 'I'm only young, only 25, got loads of time' (not just here, irl too)... when I dont feel that way! I look at some of mt friends- partying every weekend, drinking, having a 'good time', meeting inappropriate men, who they are never going to stay with- and I just feel utterly bored with it!

 

I also very much agree that children cant save a relationship and that you should be in a good place before you consider it. I also feel that children should be planned and 'accidents' shouldnt happen- because thats not fair on anyone. But at the same time, divorce rate is what? 50% now? No matter when you do it- having a baby means accepting the possibility you may have to raise a child on your own at some point!!