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Could use alot of help............

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Okay, this is going to be a bit hard for me to talk about, its been a year and a half sense my divorce and usually I dont like to talk about my divorce. And I rarley bring it up at all. At first I've had a hard time accepting that I lost someone so good in my life and I blew it. He did everything he could trying to make us happy and my depression ruined my marriage. I tried so hard to make myself fall in love with him I couldn't bring it to myself to do that. Even though he did everything that a husband should and I couldn't hurt him anymore. I did love him dont get me wrong.


I think a couple of months ago when we last saw each other I tried opening up to him and telling him how I feel. I did not get a result from it and I could not believe that this was the person I was once married too has turned stone cold with me. This feeling hurted me so much that I dont know how to explain it. This was not the guy I married once. And I dont think he understand to an instinct that how his actions hurt me. And I dont know whether he's doing this on purpose or to get rid of me for good.


I miss him. I actually miss him so much. I do care about him in some way. I dont think I love him anymore not after the way he has been. Even I dont understand why he is doing what he's doing, I dont understand everytime we carry a conversation I get rejected everytime and honestly rejection is not a good feeling and i dont do well with rejection it would take me weeks to feel better to recover from. If anyone has been rejected before would you be able to explain your experince from it and how it feels like for you?


I know that he's not obligated at all to call me, or tells me he misses me or tell me he cares about me because even if he did I wouldn't be able to believe him anymore. I would see it as a lie and nothing more. I cant help myself as far as not calling him. I have moved on about 95% its that 5 % I'm trying to get rid of. In some form I want him out of my life and sometimes i dont. Its like I"m stuck in between and cant get out of it.


Sometimes, I feel obligated to stay strong and not show any weakness and be the same person he knew once before cuz I dont want him to see me that way. I dont want to look to desperate. As far as talking to him its no use cuz i'm going to get hurt more. I know he's an ex for a reason.


I want him back. I want my ex husband back and dont know how to go about it and not to get hurt again. I mean so many people go through break ups and divorces and somehow find there way back to each other again and if they that person means so much to them i'm sure anyone would do anything to restore what was broken. Whether its counceling or therpy session or group therpy. I dont understand why that cant happen for him and I ?


Sometimes, I think about if I leave here for good than I wouldn't have to think about this as much as I should and be able to get on with my life easier and pretend I was never married to him or even he exisits. I'm still debating on whether i should stay or leave once my college is over with.


I dont know what to do anymore and I could you alot of help and advices.

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It seems to me as though you need to feel more stable and solid before really making any decisions.


I do NOT want to hurt your feelings here, but it seems as though he is not only rejecting you, he has already made this decision for you. I am not sure this is your decision to make.


Your post goes from saying, "Trying to love him" to "don't get me wrong, I did love him" in the next statement.


It seems to me that you really need to get things right with yourself before you are with anyone at all.

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