Should I stay or should I go?

[Chalie]

Me and my boyfriend has been together for about 10 months. We love each other very much and have a great time together. But we both lost our social life outside our relationship since we got together.

 

I have been trying to activate myself lately, meeting up with friends and other activities. Cause I don't really like my life at the moment.

 

My boyfriend on the other hand feel that there's something wrong and he doesn't like his passive life but he doesn't know why or what to do to make him satisfied with his life again.

 

He was devastated when he came home tonight after he has been out with his childhood friend. He cried and told me he don't know if he wants this anymore and was really emotional and a bit drunk. He said he doesn't know if he loved me anymore and he doesn't know if he could give me what I wanted and so I. He was really a mess. So I calmed him down and tried to make suggestions about how we could solve this problem of his by saying that we should take it slower for a while and see how he feels after a while. He thought it was a good idea but he doesn't seem too satisfied so I asked him if he rather break up with me. He said it might be better since he doesn't know what he wants. I felt really bad of course since I didn't see this coming. This was in the middle of the night and I can't really go home. So I suggested that we should at least agree with my first suggestion and then later break up if that's what he wants. Cause it feels really bad being in the same apartment with someone that just broke up with you.

He agreed and we talked some more about it and later the truth came out. He also has been feeling very lazy and inactive just like me. He didn't know what was wrong and how to handle it since he hasn't been in any longterm relationship before. Me on the other hand have been in at least one longterm relationship so I knew that wasn't his or the relationship's fault that I became lazy. Yea, I admit that being in a relationship could make you lazy but it's up to you to change that.

 

So when he finally knew what was wrong with him and why he felt like that he calmed down allot and felt very bad about what he just put me through. he also told me that he loved me very much and he was a fool to doubt that. He was confused and stupid he said.

I understand him but emotionally I'm hurt.

 

This happened once before but we didn't get to the root of it like we did this time. We just somehow made up and thought it was just a normal fight that couples have sometimes. But now we found out that he had that feeling that time too but he didn't want to lose me so we made up. But it was close.

 

I don't know if it's worth staying. Maybe you think I'm a fool to think that now when we know what the problem is. But I feel so sad and disappointed but mostly hurt. How could he do that to me? What if he do that again? Should I leave him to protect myself? I know it's hard to act and think the right way when you lack the experience of being in a relationship. But I don't know if I can take it anymore. I feel like garbage when it happens. Last time it took me days before I was happy again.

 

What do you think? Should I give it another shot or should I end it while I can?

[Blue Skittles]

Do you think deep down he really wants this relationship? I think you two need to talk it out when he is sober and ask him what it is he really wants. Ultimately, its up to you to stay in the relationship or not.

 

If you are going to stay in the relationship - I can give you some suggestions that have worked for me to spice things up a little bit. I would definitely reccomend the two of you doing physical activity together. I am generally a physically active person but when my bf and i are spending time together I ensure that we at least get out for a half hour walk for some exercise. We are planning on buying bikes for the summer and even going swimming together. I just find that in any relationship I've been in doing things like this tends to make you both feel better and connect on a different level than just sitting at home watching tv.

 

Secondly - I'm assuming you both don't live together, but I'm not sure why you are staying at his house when he's out drinking with his friends. You'll probably feel better staying at your own house and he might appreciate the space.

 

Also - I think its very important to live YOUR OWN LIFE. Do things you want to do - do things for YOU! Go see your friends and make some goals for what you want to work on. Practice being independent.

[Kumatora]

Eh... this is just an opinion, so take it or leave it.

 

I would take a step back from this relationship. Not go slowly with it, but break it off and stay as friends until he gets his situation and stuff under control. He has a lot of underlining issues he needs to resolve on his own and you supporting him has not helped. It is hurting your relationship with him.

 

Keep in mind that he was also drunk when he said those things. People say a lot of stupid things when they're drunk. However most of the time, people who are intoxicated don't hold back and let the truth roll off their tongues. Him saying he "doesn't love you" and takes things out on you is a bit of a red flag.

 

There's my two cents.

[Chalie]

Secondly - I'm assuming you both don't live together, but I'm not sure why you are staying at his house when he's out drinking with his friends. You'll probably feel better staying at your own house and he might appreciate the space.

 

Well, we do live together. I'm was about to rent my apartment out starting in May. But I'm not gonna do that anymore considering what happened tonight.

 

And thanks for your advices.

[Chalie]

Eh... this is just an opinion, so take it or leave it.

 

I would take a step back from this relationship. Not go slowly with it, but break it off and stay as friends until he gets his situation and stuff under control. He has a lot of underlining issues he needs to resolve on his own and you supporting him has not helped. It is hurting your relationship with him.

 

Keep in mind that he was also drunk when he said those things. People say a lot of stupid things when they're drunk. However most of the time, people who are intoxicated don't hold back and let the truth roll off their tongues. Him saying he "doesn't love you" and takes things out on you is a bit of a red flag.

 

There's my two cents.

 

What you are saying could be true and me too think that this could be what's really going on but I'm not sure so I have to think about it some more and also talk to him when he is sober.

 

He is really loving and caring normally and I don't think he is faking it since he is not that kind of person. Or I don't think he is at least.