Can it go up from here? My story

[prada]

Hey guys, Ive been On ENA a while now, and it has helped me alot with keeping strong. But i wanted to share my entire story and get somewhat of a detailed opinion to whether my decisions are leading me to recovery.

 

My ex and i have been together for about 4 yrs. And he broke it of with me, but after that we have been on and off for a couple months. He wanted to be free and i wanted commitment. Its been hard but i always tried my best to make it work. So after trying i guess he realised he just didnt want me back again. CUz for sure he had someone else. I called him up one day and he told me to never call him back and to move on with my life, couple DAYS after i heard he was already with someone else!!! SO im sure he was with her while we were on our ON AND OFF situation. NOw after telling me never to call back, i NEVER did, but i didnt move on fully. Since that day i WENT strict NC (even though i didnt even know anything about NC back then) i know it was to never talk to him again. So i didnt. We were on nc for about 9 months till he called and stupid me answered, but he didnt show his # but i never answer private calls but somehow i did! it was him., calling to say HI! but guess what, after talking to him for about 2 hrs. he never called back. And that phone call, gave me some hope thinking, we can be lovers again! after he didnt call i realised we are nothing and will never be. so now its about 10 months. I finally decide to get rid of his letters and cards? what do you guys think? you can be harsh with the comments, i guess i am at a point i feel sooooooooo hurt being left for someone else. i feel like a fool, low self esteem etc etc. the whole yard! And i heard a rumour he was getting engaged, didnt here anything about that since so im not sure if they did or not.

Tonite I am finally getting rid of everything. ALl the cards and letters he ever gave me, Will this help me further with moving on. I hate being like this. I try to be strong.. but in the end,. I always end up hurt being left in the dark.

 

comments? plz... where do i go from here? I know i have to stick to NC but what will that do? i want him to miss me someday. WHAT WHAT! im turning pshyco! im thinking......... throw these letters or keep them? i want and need to get past this! i want to be happy again, i want to be with someone who loves me. why is it so hard to tear these letters and get it inthe garbage???

[Celestialagape54]

Hi Prada, I am really sorry for what you are going through. I know the hurt and pain you are experiencing I have been there before, and remember it all too well.

 

When it comes to getting rid of the things that he gave to you it is really your decision. I am not sure if this helps much at all, but I truly believe that when you have truly moved on there is something inside you that lets you know it is time to get rid of all that stuff.

 

Getting rid of that stuff won't help you magically get over him, if that is what you are thinking might happen. It took me a year to be able to open up all the letter and everything else and get rid of them. Everyone heals at different speeds. I guess the best thing I can say is that no one can tell you when the time is right, you will know.

 

Hope that helps and I wish you the best!

[cucumbercool]

hi,

 

i will agree with lunarstar that everyone heals at his/her own rate.

And I also could not concur more wholeheartedly that getting rid of your ex's reminders will not help. Your hurt will still be inside of you. I suggest putting everything in a box and hide it away. Your healing will take patience, and sooner or later, you will be able to look back at those memories and comfortably know what to do with them (either smile at or discard of)

 

Grieve. Let yourself be sad; otherwise, you will just be walking around with a band-aid that will unfurl with one single reminder. With that said, grieve productively - hang out with your closest friends, rekindle friendships that you may have neglected while you were in your relationship, write down what you're feeling, and also, give some solitude time to organize your pain.

 

Melancholy is tough. I'm going through it too. I do want to point out that even after breakups that the dumper is still a person too, regardless of how s/he handled the situation. Breaking up is not easy on either party. But as I posted somewhere earlier, love is not begging. Therefore, you should not wish for him to miss you. He should miss you on his own accord.

 

The one guarantee you have at the end of a breakup is the relationship with yourself. For that, you owe yourself everything possible to make you the best you can be - just like how you would put your best effort into a romantic relationship.

 

So take this time to look at yourself and see how bravely you've handled the situation thus far. Have patience, and your heart will heal almost completely. And it's ok to still love the person. But it's not ok to not love yourself with the same magnitude. You'll be just fine.

 

good luck and hugs.

 

P.s. don't worry about having someone love you. the best of people come together when each is able to love his/her own first.

[prada]

Thanks guys i appreciate your words. last night i got rid of the letters and cards.. only because i was holding onto them only because i was hoping we would get back together. I tore them up and cried. I just know now its never going to happen for me. I hope with realizing that, i get the push that i want to start moving forward and not look back.

 

Thanks for the helping words.

Hugs to you! and best wishes.....