How do you deal with a guy who has been burned?

[beachgrl]

I am a very patient girl, but I dont know what to do about this one. This guy was burned badly by his ex: she was controlling, didnt let him go out with his friends, etc. We get together about once every week and a half. He hasnt introduced me to his family, but I have mixed feelings about that. 1) our relationship ISNT serious-were just having fun right now. 2) He was with his ex for many years and might not want to bring anyone around his family just yet. Does this make sense at all? I know he is enjoying his freedom, and right now were just having fun. I do feel that we are becoming closer, but I dont want to get hurt either. Is there any way I can somehow assure him, that I am not his ex? We are really good for eachother. We talk almost every day, he confides in me when he is upset, makes sure I get home okay, etc.

 

Any thoughts???

[HeartGoesOn]

How long have you been with him? I think it's going to take him a long time to heal from his previous relationship, and he may not be ready at this time.

[beachgrl]

How long have you been with him? I think it's going to take him a long time to heal from his previous relationship, and he may not be ready at this time.

Its kind of complicated. I was out of a relationship too when I met him a year ago. So we dated for like 5 months, and then we stayed friends. About 4 months ago, we started seeing eachother again. He has been acting ALOT better now, than he did a year ago. Alot more respectful, but I still dont think he is ready for the leap.

[beachgrl]

I should add that I tried to pressure him into a relationship, and he told me about his situation and that he isnt ready for the whole committment thing. So, we went our separate ways, but stayed good friends. I dated for a while, which he seemed a bit jealous of but knew he didnt want to commit. So, after some time doing that, I realized that none of these guys were what I wanted anyways. So, for the time being I am seeing him. I am trying to go with the flow for now. Things may change in a few months, I dont know.

[DanDee]

Don't. Leave him be.

 

If it isn't possible to just be friends with him then go your separate ways with no contact.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

So he is having a no-strings attached relationship with you...did that with you for 5 months before, and now has been doing that with you for 4 months. He may be acting a lot better...but he is NOT committing to you. Did he really get burned or is that HIS version as a way to keep you at arm's length? Some people will do a great song and dance about how they were hard done by their ex...however, they may have been the one who caused the damage. It is very telling that the second time around, AND after all this time of knowing each other, he is still keeping you at arm's length. I don't think you should say anything to reassure him....I think you would be wasting your breath...I think this guy simply wants to have the perks of a relationship without making it official.

[Billy Ray]

Sometimes it takes a long time to heal after a bad relationship, and some people take longer than others. After my divorce it took me a few years to even want to go out with anyone. I know there are some great woman out there and not all were like my ex wife, but it will take some time. You have to be very patient and understanding.

 

You said twice that you were just having fun. What do you mean by that? Friends with benefits? It sounds like you want a serious relationship, so you need to talk to him about your relationship and what you want in your relationship without pressuring him. He just might want "to have fun" and thinks you do too.