MinziGirl Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Someone whom i know (but not very close to me) has received a letter from her (ex?)boyfriend... It says basically: Dear Marilyn, (Names changed) I am writing to tell you this in a letter because i don't know how to say this to you in person. During Easter, i was at my parents & i was drunk... I had a one-night-stand with someone whom we have known since high school. I feel very bad about it & hope to ask for your forgiveness here in this letter. If you forgive me, please pretend that nothing has happened between us & let things be the way it is. I have been calling you & seeing you & don't have the guts to tell you because i really do love you. If you find that you cannot get over it, just start to ignore me & change your status in your facebook profile. I will get the message & go. Loving you, Dexter What would you do if you were in her shoes? Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Tell him 'no, it ain't happening on your terms' and make him man up and say it to my face. Why should he get off easy, and 'pretend' nothing happened? Zowie. Some folks have some major league gall! Link to comment
EEjustYOmeRE Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 first off, that's a HORRIBLE way to tell a person! and he's basically asking for an easy way out so he doesn't have to deal with her either way. so either way, if he means anything to her or not at this point, don't make it easy for him. make sure he know how much it hurts! the ball is in your friend's court. at this point, he doesn't make the rules. if she still wants to work through this with him, she does NOT have to agree to pretending like it never happened. Link to comment
MinziGirl Posted April 15, 2010 Author Share Posted April 15, 2010 First of all, i don't know her that well... she is only 23 years old & is studying in the university. The both of them got to know each other in the university here. Second, while i agree it IS the easy way out, does it depends on the personality of the guy when he choose to do this? Maybe he really loves her & is afraid to see her reactions? Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 First of all, i don't know her that well... she is only 23 years old & is studying in the university. The both of them got to know each other in the university here. Second, while i agree it IS the easy way out, does it depends on the personality of the guy when he choose to do this? Maybe he really loves her & is afraid to see her reactions? To be a cheater or a coward? Though basically the same kinda person. Sure he doesn't want to see her reaction, who would? Seeing that you betrayed someone you love isn't going to be easy. But why should he get to skip that? She didn't get to skip being betrayed and humiliated by him. She is the victim here, not him. He needs to face the consequences of his actions. It's a valuable lesson. Link to comment
FarthestEdge Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Either way... I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who handles problems like that. Yikes...what a coward. I'll give him a few points for honesty, but he totally wants to avoid facing what he did...I'd be tempted to post his letter on my FB wall WHILE changing my status...You want to deal with your problems like a child? OK Then... He's probably looking for a way out without looking like the jerk that he is..."I went away for Easter,& when I came back, she'd changed her status...I guess I just got dumped" Good riddance to bad rubbish.... Link to comment
MinziGirl Posted April 15, 2010 Author Share Posted April 15, 2010 Either way... I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who handles problems like that. Yikes...what a coward. I'll give him a few points for honesty, but he totally wants to avoid facing what he did...I'd be tempted to post his letter on my FB wall WHILE changing my status...You want to deal with your problems like a child? OK Then... He's probably looking for a way out without looking like the jerk that he is..."I went away for Easter,& when I came back, she'd changed her status...I guess I just got dumped" Good riddance to bad rubbish.... Wow... you are really good at reading other people's character. =D> I didn't think about that that he will say: I went away for Easter & when i came back, she changed her status... Either way, it is dirty... and i thought that it could be that he is shy or love her indeed very much... OK... You said post the letter in FB??? Link to comment
Blue Skittles Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 If I were her I would delete and block him from facebook and then just remove the whole relationship status thing all together (I mean why does everyone on the facebook planet need to know you are "no longer in a relationship"?) Then she can get on with her life. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 Pathetic! She should tell him that it was the choice he made, and the drunk excuse doesn't fly. And to bring silly "Facebook" into it makes him sound like a 16 y/o. Good riddance! Link to comment
RedDress Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 Wow! King of avoidance!! I don't believe that people cheat 'just because'. Either he is a serial cheater/dog or there is a problem in their relationship that he is avoiding. I'm guessing - based on the way that he chose to communicate about the cheat - that he is avoiding the relationship issue. THEN he tries to avoid the cheating issue too. "Either forgive me or don't" Forget the cheating for a moment... this guy either has SERIOUS communication issues or is absolutely terrified of your friend. Take your pick. No... he doesn't love her. Love is about accepting, caring and being open with someone. I see NOTHING to indicate love at all. To answer the question - what would I do?? I'd break up with him. Not for the cheating (even though that's really, really bad) - but because the relationship is quite obviously broken if we can't even communicate. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 If he'll be looking for her response in Facebook, she could consider posting the letter there... Link to comment
arcadefire Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 Ew, what a disgusting letter. "Forget" what has happened? That line itself makes me laugh out loud. If I received such a letter, I would definitely go complete NC, no explanations necessary. Link to comment
MinziGirl Posted April 16, 2010 Author Share Posted April 16, 2010 Wow! King of avoidance!! Forget the cheating for a moment... this guy either has SERIOUS communication issues or is absolutely terrified of your friend. Take your pick. No... he doesn't love her. Love is about accepting, caring and being open with someone. I see NOTHING to indicate love at all. I have to hand it to you all. First i thought that he was really ashamed of himself... Then after reading all what you all said here, i begin to think that he is a master at games & avoidance... but why do you think that this is not the first time he has cheated?? Also, why do you think that he is terrified of her? She is a really nice young lady... Good Uni student... Link to comment
FarthestEdge Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 I have to hand it to you all. First i thought that he was really ashamed of himself... Then after reading all what you all said here, i begin to think that he is a master at games & avoidance... but why do you think that this is not the first time he has cheated?? Also, why do you think that he is terrified of her? She is a really nice young lady... Good Uni student... I don't think he's terrified of HER. He's terrified of looking someone in the eye and saying "I am completely wrong. I behaved like a selfish jerk." His EGO won't permit him to admit face-to-face that he's behaving like a child. I agree with the poster who said the cheating is a secondary issue. He wants to do whatever he feels like doing, "confess" by letter, and then face no consequences. Who wants to be in a relationship with someone who won't be accountable for their own choices? This is not how functional adult relationships work. Confession by letter, I can see...but to say "Pretend it never happened" or "Dump me" is complete and utter Crap. You simply don't treat people like that. Link to comment
MinziGirl Posted April 16, 2010 Author Share Posted April 16, 2010 You know what i have told her to do. Just freeze! Don't play in his turf... Don't acknowledge him. Don't do anything to the FB account.. Let him call, let him try to get hold of her... Lets see how long will that be and lets see how he will pretend on to acting desperate. My point is: He has to have the balls to come face to face with this... Meanwhile, she goes on her life... without him. Lets see if he will (ever?) have the balls to do a face to face confession. Link to comment
SirLaughalot Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 First off, he didn't tell her this face to face. He also added that he did not do it because he "loves" her. But "love" would reveal the whole truth in a respectful manner, and would also respect her emotions, which I will get to below: Another observation, this: "If you forgive me, please pretend that nothing has happened between us & let things be the way it is." ...is simply not possible, and is actually pretty emotionally disrespectful and manipulative. Not only is he revealing this in a message, but now also wants her to be okay with what he did. And this: "If you find that you cannot get over it, just start to ignore me & change your status in your facebook profile. I will get the message & go." Classic passive-aggressive behavior. More control issues. But with all of this, let's give the guy a little credit: he came clean about it. That does show he has a conscience, aside from some problems that center around control and lack of awareness of responsibility. Doesn't look good on the relationship front, though. Link to comment
MinziGirl Posted April 21, 2010 Author Share Posted April 21, 2010 Update: He still keeps calling her. I told her to freeze. She did.... It is like she has just disappeared from his world. How long do you think this is going to last? Link to comment
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