Convict7 Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 The Backstory: Been in a committed relationship for almost 7years. There were ups and downs but overall it was a happy relationship. However for the last year she has been keeping secrets and carrying on supposedly platonic relationships without telling me these people exist. As more and more things surfaced about her actions over the last year I was devastated. Things have been slowly coming out for the last month, it's been so much deception and false statements that when another thing happened two nights ago I felt like I hit rock bottom. It wasn't the worst thing she had done but it showed me that she was not in fact as dedicated to improving our relationship as she promised. Where I am now: I will always love her and have a very special place in my heart for what we were and what we had. More than anything I want to recapture what we had in the past, the happiness and commitment and security. I know with enough effort from both of us and a lot of transparency in our actions I could learn to trust her again. She is an insane amount of fun and a terribly entertaining person, so finding joy and friendship again is inevitable. My problem lies more within myself. After everything she did, with no thought for my feelings, I can't shake that rock bottom feeling. As an example; there was something I brought up with her that she has been doing that makes me uncomfortable. It's nothing crazy and simply a matter of preference, but I let her know that I am bothered by it. She fought me on it and refused to stop or even compromise. It felt like she took my feeling bad into consideration and decided she was ok with it. It's very hard for me to recapture that warm fuzzy feeling towards her when my eyes have been opened to her lack of empathy towards me. If it was one isolated incident I may have been able to chalk it up to something being very important to her, but it has happened over and over concerning different subjects. I feel like the impasse is that I need a relationship where each others' feelings are priority number one, but she feels like her own desires(not good or bad feelings) take priority over how her actions make affect me. I did some self examination while all this took place and can pretty safely say that I put her potential feelings ahead of any of my own petty selfish desires. So I am not creating a double standard where I expect something from her that I am not doing myself. I'm not sure how far off topic I have gotten but I can't think of anything I want to add now. I was just looking for someone's thoughts in an anonymous setting. Link to comment
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