I feel like I did the right thing but why do I feel like im abandoning her??

[InaDaze87]

Ok....first let me say that if you want to get caught up to speed you guys should read my previous post but i will give a brief run down of the whole thing. I posted this last night but didn't get much response as I'd hoped for.

I feel like I have did the right thing, but at the same time I feel super guilty like I am leaving when she might need me most.

 

 

WARNING: THIS IS A VERY LONG POST, BUT I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE YOU GUYS ADVICE AND COMMENTS IF YOU HAVE THE TIME!!!

 

In my last post listed above I said that my girlfriend and I get into these insane arguments that always leads to violence. Now I know some are going to instantly say Im an abuser and should never put my hands on a woman under any circumstance etc......but it always starts the same with me trying to leave (my house, we dont live together even though she is here sometimes more than me) cause she is verbally ripping out my heart and kicking me in the balls. By the way she grew up in an abusive home so she is very passive-aggressive. Then she will stand in front of the door, lock it and make me sit there or try to move her which is where the violence comes in, because she doesn't want me to leave for whatever reason. Now I have never actually hit her with my hands nor anything else for that matter but to get the gist of what's going on you will have to read the post linked above.

 

Now, yesterday the same thing happened again except with a slightly different ending. I came in from work around 5pm and was really happy to see her. So I start off with a " Hey, how was your day? Do you have anything planned for the evening?". I know that is kinda a cheesy thing to say when you get home to your girlfriend, but anyway, she gets all pissy and says I should know what she has planned and what did I want to do. I say "I was going to see if you wanted to go to this fair thing I just saw up the street, it's walking distance." Now by this time it has only been maybe 10 minutes, maybe, and she is getting ready to leave to go to her house like I did or said something wrong. So I tell her that I can see she is in a bad mood so I will just stop talking. I walk outside as she is putting her things in her car to check my mailbox and out of no where she now wants to know what my deals is. I tell her nothing other than her attitude kinda bothered me and that lately for the past 3 or 4 day she's been acting like the sight of me bothers her or something but before then she was all lets make things better between us. She then starts going at me saying Im smothering her, I never go out with my friends, why aren't I talking to other girls (we been on a 2 or 3 week break), she wants to go to law school 17 hours away in the fall just so she can get away from me, my life revolves around her, she wants me to live life without her, she wouldn't marry me cause I don't know how to do things without her, every time I get ready to eat lunch or dinner I call and asks what does she want like I can't eat without her, I always want to do things with her, I don't know who she really is or anything about her and it,s my fault, I can't handle her in the relationship, she's too much for me, she tried to tell me she was complicated when we started dating but I didn't listen, no body in the world can figure her out and I should have by now, and......that's all I can think of at the moment cause it was sooo much. And all of that was just in a matter of 15 more minutes that she laid all of that on me but she has said some of it before. Hell, she even told me I was a push-over with her and she feels like she can get away with anything a I wouldn't say a word but that was a couple weeks ago.......anyway so she tells me that I took all of that the wrong way and that's why she never opens up to me and if she told me about her other side (the real her) that I would leave. She then says that she is only comfortable when things and messed up and not going right. So by this time I'm hurt, sad, angry, all in one.

 

So I tell her that I have had enough of her acting like an F***ing teenage girl who always runs from her problems and blames me for everything and that this is her one chance to let go of her past and move on to the future with me in her life or without me and actually be happy so tell me who she really is and to let me be there for her and help her figure herself out, Because I can't and won't take the way she has been treating me anymore. Of course, she doesn't want to choose and starts back to telling me how everything is my fault and etc.....etc....so I tell her that's it I'm done because she is doing the same thing over and over again. I try to leave and she takes my keys and refuses to give them back. I reach for them and she says reach again we will have to fight over them and I wouldn't want my the people next door to see me abusing her. I then realize that she is trying to make me put my hands on her just to make me out to be the bad guy again so I pick up the phone and say I would call the cops if she didn't hand over the keys. So she says that if I call that she would tell them I hit her so I call anyway and she hops in her car and takes off. The cops show up and I tell them not to arrest her or anything and that I just want my keys. They can't find her so they leave and she later sends the keys back by one of her friends.

 

By this time its 6:30 pm. She has called a couple times since then but I didn't answer so she showed up at my door today asking how could I call the cops and that she can't believe I would do that to her. We talk for a few minutes and she asked me was it really over and how can I love her if I'm leaving her so easily. I told her that she has drained me and I cant deal with her anymore. She then wants me to look her in the eyes and say I'm done. I told her that until she changes and gets some help with her issues that I'm done. She gets mad and says I don't really love her and when she leaves there won't be any turning back and she will never talk to me again. I told her it didn't have to be like that and all she has to do is change but if that is her choice I can't change it or chase her because she is the one with the issues.

 

I feel like I did the right thing but I don't want to lose her forever. We have been together for 1 year and six months and I really love her and want things to work but I just can't do it alone anymore. She said she started counsoling about 2 weeks ago and says that she is trying but I don't know if I believe her. I want to be there for her through it all, I really do, but I just can't take the way she gets anymore. I'm starting to feel like I'm abandoning her when she needs me most cause I've been the only person she has ever opened up to about some of her issues from her past.

 

 

 

 

If you made it to the end of this super long post I just want to say thanks for your time I really appreciate you all!!!

[konstantine]

You did the right thing. She's never going to get ahold of her emotions if people allow her to fly off the handle whenever she wants. If you two were having to get physical with each other, you aren't right for each other at this time.

 

Besides that, she said some pretty bad things about you. That alone would make me leave her. What does she want from you? She's pushing you away and saying you smother her and yet when you go she won't let you? Don't play around with those games. Maybe the time apart will help her realize she can't have it both ways. Maybe not, in which case you are better off alone.