This is what I hate

[butterfly0424]

I have been reading break up stories and my friend is going through a break up.

 

So many times I hear about the dumpers saying "I need space. If after some time has passed and I still have feelings for you, I will know our relationship was meant to be. But during the time I need, please dont wait for me, move on, I am nothing special. If you meet someone else, go ahead and pursue it, dont wait for me" and there are countless others.

 

The outsiders knows they are just saying these things to make the break up easier on them. The outsider knows that most of the time, the dumper never has any intention to get back together. Now to the dumpee, it gives them false hope. I know because I have been there.

 

It just irritates me. Why can't the dumper just say "our relationship isnt working..." They dont have give false hope.

 

I'm sorry Im just venting a little.

[MattUK2010]

They are trying to soften their fall themselves, trying to manipulate the situation so that the dumpee sits there and thinks there is hope, hangs on and waits and the dumper knows they have this fall back position if things don't work out as they envisaged them. So yeah what they say is wrong. My ex said "i hope we can remain friends, go to the cinema" etc etc, I squashed that in an instant "no chance, it's all or nothing" was my response.

[ellie1202]

It's also easier for them to say that to the person's face than it's over. It's so hard to convince the dumpee that they're lying though. One of my friends became almost obsessed over an ex who did this. Every time they talked he would say I just feel like I need a little more time. Time for what? To grow up and say we're over! I agree it's very frustrating to watch a friend get hurt like that.

 

Good luck!

[uncomfynumb]

It just irritates me. Why can't the dumper just say "our relationship isnt working..." They dont have give false hope.

 

I'm sorry Im just venting a little.

 

You can't control the actions of others but you can control yourself and your reactions. Just cast that aside as BS and treat the relationship like it is over.

 

Remember that and tell your friends that. People pine away and give themselves false hope just as often so...

 

There you go!

[The Wheel]

It just irritates me. Why can't the dumper just say "our relationship isnt working..." They dont have give false hope.

 

I'm sorry Im just venting a little.

 

I understand the desire to vent. We all need to do it from time to time. However, at the risk of drawing some ire, let's cut these people some slack. It's very tempting to cast those that have hurt as manipulative villains, but the very simple reality is sometimes people are just plain confused and don't know what they want, but they know what's going on currently isn't working.

 

Some of these individuals may truly want to keep an ex hanging around as a fall-back, we've all seen it, but some really don't have ill intentions at all. I know it makes it easier on us to think the other party has malicious intentions, but I also think it's dangerous to cast the people you purportedly care about in that light (the royal "you"). Cheesy as it may be, in the long run understanding and empathy can help a lot more than vilification.

 

Food for thought.

[butterfly0424]

I totally agree. I don't show my frustration with my friend. I just keep it in. I just wish she would stop contacting him. But I know how it is. I have been there in her shoes. I couldn't see how silly and childish I was. He cant see the damage he is doing. And I know one day she will be strong not to have hope.