MissD Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Hey everyone: I need some advice, in the worst way, and value everyone's opinion here greatly. I'll try not and make this too long but there are some important details that should be included. I've been with my current bf for 2 years. We met online and there is a 10 year age different (he's younger). We physically met a year ago, when I went to spend 2 weeks with him. Things were great! I enjoyed my 2 weeks very much. I met his entire family and I came home feeling awesome about the entire thing. Due to various things, both on his end and mine, we didn't see each other again until December '09. He stayed for a month - we were hoping for longer - but he only got a one month stamp on his passport (he's in the US, I'm in Canada). During this month long trip, things were great for roughly 2 weeks. After that, I was really ready for him to go home. I totally distanced myself from him...I almost hated going home after work because I just couldn't take it anymore. There was no reason...that I could find...as to why I felt this way. He didn't "do" anything specifically. I put it down to it being the stress of the holiday and my exhaustion level, the added family at home and I was just feeling as though I was being pulled in so many different directions. He left Jan 1 and it was hard - I missed him - but our relationship carried on and we made plans for him to return April 1. By April 7th, I was ready for him to go home again. This is even harder, because they gave him a six month stay this time on his passport and he wants to stay the entire time...where as...I don't think I can do it. There's a couple of factors playing into this. His family is a huge - problem. For a very long time (meaning, before he was here the first time in December), his mom interferes with EVERYTHING. Our relationship started off great - she would send me text messages for a while - all very harmless. Then she started interfering with our relationship. Finances were a huge reason why it took from April '09 to December '09 for us to see each other again. She had decided it was because I didn't want to see him and was prolonging things. She sends me constant messages on facebook, is always leaving ridiculous comments here and there, about things she knows nothing about. When he was here in December, she was calling everyday. He is her only son, and the first to be away from home for a prolonged period. I was very understanding of that, encouraging him to call home as often as possible for I know this is difficult on mom's and as sympathetic to that. However, if we were out for the day and he didn't call her, she was leaving messages - sometimes multiples - because she hadn't heard from him. After he left in December, I talked to him about his mom specifically. While he was here, I discovered he was telling her EVERYTHING about our relationship. I began to think I was having a relationship with his entire family, not just him. I realize family's come with it all - good and bad - but this was REALLY excessive. For example, what ever I Told him had happened in my day, it ALL would get relayed back to his mother. I told him I couldn't handle that and he put a stop to it. When he returned this April - things were worse. He didn't call home as much..but if she didn't hear from him, she was leaving me messages on facebook. In 3 days, I received 3 messages. I relayed everyone to him and by day 3, was getting pretty annoyed because he obviously wasn't calling home. On day 5 his cousin left him a message on the xbox saying "call your mom". On day 6 his mom left me a REALLY nasty message on facebook because he wasn't calling her. She HAS my phone # and could have called him at any point...but she was resorting to this instead. Finally - this past Sunday - she DID call and they talked. When he bought his ticket - it was for 3 weeks - yet upon receiving his six month stamp to stay here, he wants to stay longer. Initially, I did to, but now it's like, I really want him to go home. I love him...but living with him is so difficult. Bugger...now here comes the tears. I don't know if it's because I've lived alone for sooo many years and just find it difficult to live with someonee...I don't know if it's him...but this is so so hard. His family isn't helping. He does nothing to help around the house so I come home after working all day and find myself feeling as though I'm taking care of a child or something. I'm tired...exhausted to be honest... I feel smothered...I tried explaining to him that in a "normal" relationship, where you both live in the same city, that you gradually spend more time together. You start to date...then you maybe have a night where he stays at your place or vice versa, then gradually you begin to live together. This...we went from one extreme to the other...and it's killing me. He feels if he goes home it's not fair....that I"m not giving this a fair chance. I will admit, fully, that if I just told him "look, you need to start doing more around the house", he would. I know this for a fact. I'm just at the point though where I want him to go home more than I want to even ask. Yet at the same time...I do realize that I'm likely not being fair. I know there's adjustments, on both ends, to be made. I feel completely pressured though, at the moment, to decide becase he's suppose to leave to go home on the 24th. I'm lost. I'm crying myself to sleep most nights. Do I get him to stay another couple of weeks and see if this "OMG please go home now" feeling fades, or will that never change? Has anyone been through this? Is it just being overwhelmed? I feel like such a failure in some regards...but on the other...I'd give anything to just have my "normal" life back. Thanks for any suggestions and words you may have. Link to comment
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