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I left him but not sure what to do with our child..


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A week or so ago, I started a thread about my emotionally abusive boyfriend entititled "Emotonal Abuse or Cultural Differences." A lot of you replied and I am very grateful because I had been sitting on the fence and your words were exactly what I needed to get out of that toxic relationship.


I left last Friday while he was at work. After I got out of NYC, I texted him and told him I had left. He was upset..not mad upset..but crying upset. He said I ruined his life and said that even animals have more of a heart then I did. He then said that by seperating him from our 18 month old daughter, I was destroying her life too. I told him that the power to keep his family intact laid upon his shoulders and that if he had changed like he swore he would on numerous occasions, he would still have his family. As usual, he denied any wrongdoing ..the most he would admit to was that he was stressed and that's why he treated me the way he did.


I am so happy I am free. I took my daughter for a walk yesterday to get an ice cream cone. We then stopped at the park and it was so nice not to hear my phone ringing off the hook with someone on the other end demanding to know where I am and when I'm going to be home.


He keeps calling me and texting me. He wants to see his daughter next weekend. I don't know if I should let him see her or not. The first few days after we left, she was really upset..now she's back to her happy self and I don't know if it will upset her again to see him again. Plus, my new boyfriend doesn't think its a good idea. He said he doesn't want my ex anywhere near us and he wants me to focus on our future together, and not allow my ex to drag me into the past. Should I let my ex see his daughter?

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A new boyfriend already? Hopefully I don't need to tell you what an extraordinarily bad idea this right now. You need to sort out things in your life and stabilize your situation with your daughter first.


If your ex is abusive then no I do not think you should let him see your daughter unsupervised. I think you should contact an attorney first and get some competent legal advice regarding your options.

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PLEASE stop seeing this new boyfriend.


That is absolutely the WORST thing you can do right now, right after going back to your boyfriend.


You have NO business dating right now.


Right now, for your daughter's sake, you need to concentrate on HER and on therapy for you to find out why you picked an abusive person in the first place. You HAVE to find out, so that you don't keep picking abusive men, like 90% of abuse victims do.


PLEASE stop seeing this guy. Tell him you need space and time and you will be back in touch in a few months.


If you can't afford therapy, go to link removed and they will help you get therapy you can afford.


As for your daughter, you should not be letting her see her father for at least a few weeks, until you have been able to establish yourself and get over his power over you. Until then, if you see him again, you will just cave and move back in with him like 75% of all abuse victims do.

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I was waiting for someone else to post because I was trying to remember any mention of a new boyfriend...




You do know if you come out of an abusive relationship you are VERY vulnerable to getting into another one.


Is this the guy who was being so kind and supportive??


Then if he is, he will be supportive enough to know that you need SPACE right now.


I hope you haven't just used us to justify dumping your Ex for someone new...


Please, please take GOOD CARE of yourself and your little one.

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I agree with avman, depending on the law in your state I'm sure he can petition for custody. If that happens you really don't have a choice and things could backfire.


For your daughter's sake too, I would seriously consider getting legal advice on the matter. This isn't about just your ex, it's about your daughter and her future.

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The last thing you need right now is a new boyfriend, and I absolutely agree with the other posters. I hope the new boyfriend wasn't the reason for your "ticket out", since that would be for all the wrong reasons. You need to take the time to sort out your life, and please don't allow your "ex" to see your daughter until you seek legal advice.

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How did you get a new boyfriend between last Friday and now? And you've already introduced him to your daughter?


I'm concerned...


I ask the same question.


Your top priority right now is your child. I agree with all the good advice you are being given here.


In prticular I echo this:


Right now, for your daughter's sake, you need to concentrate on HER and on therapy for you to find out why you picked an abusive person in the first place. You HAVE to find out, so that you don't keep picking abusive men, like 90% of abuse victims do.


You must sort yourself out now, on your own (as in with professional help), so that you act responsibly towards your chld.



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