Don't Know How To Deal With This Guy...

[Binoo]

I need some advice on a friend I've had for about 5 years.

 

When I first met him he developed a crush on me. He would call me everyday. He knew when I would get home from work and about 2 minutes after I'd get in the door the phone would ring. He'd call up to about 5 times a day. A few times he kept me on the phone for nearly 8 hours. When I finally convinced him to let me go he got all depressed about it. It went on like this for about 9 months. He kept asking me to date him but at the time I wasn't interested in any relationship and either way, I didn't really have any feelings for him.

 

Anyway, I ended up meeting someone I did have feelings for and eventually he stopped calling after I screened all my calls for a few months.

 

We got back in touch about 2 years ago through Facebook. I figured everything would be fine and he'd have gotten over his crush. Just as a side note, I'm fully convinced that this crush was due to him being very lonely and clingy and not out of genuine interest in me in particular but rather the thought of having a girlfriend. I feel this way because of some of the things he would say and his character.

 

Anyway, we keep in touch now and he knows I have a boyfriend so he doesn't interfere but he'll send me random creepy messages on Facebook which I believe are meant to try to make me jealous but they just plain annoy me.

For example, I asked what he did this weekend and the only thing he wrote was, "I fingered a girl at the bar". That's it! Or he'll just send me messages saying he met someone. It's usually just some girl online or something but he doesn't even ask how my weekend was or anything. He just writes his one line e-mail.

So, of course I don't respond. The thing is if I go too long without talking to him he'll send me concerning messages like, "Nobody wants to talk to me. I've started cutting myself because I'm a monster and no woman would ever want me"...etc. etc.

 

I've tried to give him some encouragement although he doesn't seem overly convinced because of our past. I gave him one date and never again. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm responsible for the way he's feeling and acting. To be honest, I don't know that he's actually gone as far as cutting himself because he is a bit of an attention seeker but the doubt is what keeps me from blocking him.

 

I just don't really know what to do anymore. Should I block him? Talk to him more? Normally, I just don't answer his messages but then I'll get more e-mails from him threatening to off himself or something like that. It's obviously a cry for attention but I worry that maybe something will push him over the edge. Don't know what to do.

[peterxavier]

I've dealt with people like this in the past....Not personally, but from those that have been close to me. Age is a huge factor here I believe, as our western society has a huge influence on the psyche of individuals at different points in their lives.

 

With that being said, and without knowing the age or mental health background of this individual I'll let you know from my experiences..

 

As sad as it is, people like this have serious problems. VERY serious problems. I've seen this situation lead to stalking, suicide, suicide attempts, and other erratic behaviour. More erratic then what you've mentioned.

 

There are a few options..

 

Ignoring him/cutting him off - there is one problem with this tho judging by what you've wrote - Your conscience. I can already tell to some degree that you are a good person for even asking what to do in this situation and ignoring him will eat away at you because you don't know what implications this decision may have.

 

Getting him help - Depending on what state/province/country you live in, you can have someone GO TO HIM based on his treats of self-harm and try to evaluate him. If you're lucky, his behaviour may seem so off-par and negatively deviant that the police will be called, he'll be put on suicide watch, and possibly even admitted to some sort of treatment program. (it's a VERY LONG shot, but I've seen it happen more than once)

 

Continue with what you're doing - the problem with this is that you are leaving yourself in a toxic situation that will only further deteriorate your emotions and possibly even your physical health.

 

You NEED to do what is right for YOU. You've cared about this person long enough and done what you can. Now is a time for a decision to be made. And only YOU know the answer to what will ultimately make you happy in the end. Again, I cannot stress this enough, you need to do what is RIGHT FOR YOU and what will benefit yourself in the long run not for the benefit of a attention-seeking person who obviously has serious mental issues.

 

I'm sorry if this came off harsh in any regard, but I've been involved in situations like this before and the longer you put it off, the worse it gets.

 

Good luck, all the best.

[Speranza]

Good Lord! Block him. He will find someone else to latch on to.

 

It doesn't matter how many messages you ignore, if you respond when he threatens cutting himself, he has his response. This is pure attention seeking, so just block him. Whyever would you want this in your life?

 

I've just read the post above. This isn't a time to worry about how it makes you feel in terms of 'will he come to harm'? Anyway, to be really blunt, if you cut off all contact you will never know.