SadAndy Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Hi all, My sad tale starts with my ex of 14 years (i'm only 32 years old as is she). Everything was fine until a year or two after our daughter was born (7 years ago). Five years ago she had a 6 month affair with my best mate (ex best mate) at work which only came to light when I found out. She never showed any true remorse, commenting 'i've said sorry, what more can I do?' As a consequence, I agree that I have been unable to look at her the same way and there has obviously been no trust at all, i've told her this in the spirit of being honest and expected her to accept it as it was her doing. Anyway, she has now left me (2 months ago) for a much younger man (21 years old) who is abit of a mummys boy and I suspect likes to be mothered (which is something my ex does very well). He is head over heels in love with her and her with him. About 3 weeks ago she texted me to say that 'he was lovely but he isn't you' and then proceeded to dump him (using the excuse that she was worried about the age gap) and told our daughter that 'Daddy might be moving back in' (which I think was very short sighted and a bad idea!) The following day after a conversation with the new bloke and realising that she 'missed him' she stated that she was undecided and would decide which one of us she wanted! I suggested that she contact a doctor to rule out any depression etc as she had stated that things had changed when our daughter was born as the experience was not as she had expected. I also suggested some counselling to try to nail the root cause and solve it. She never made a doctors appointment after stating some pretty weak reasons why she couldn't get one and after one counselling session she had decided to plump for the new guy and that was that and she didn't need any further help. They are both now very happy and are discussing children (my ex and me had been trying for a second child for the last year), marriage (I asked her to marry me 3 times in Dec) and he is taking on a mortgage to buy me out all after knowing one another seriously for less than 5 months. She decided that she had had enough of dishonesty and told me that she had started another affair with the first guy which had been going on for the last 18 months and which I had no idea and would never have found out about. The problem is that I am so jealous of her 'perfect life' which has come at the expense of destroying my daughters and my life as we knew it. I am desperately hoping that the 12 year age gap (younger male) will prove to be a major problem (she doesn't have the best body now) in the future and that one day soon she will be very hurt and rejected like I am now. Sadly, this seems to be the 'real deal' as this guy is wetter than me and will not blow her out and she will never blow him out as she has struck gold with the younger bloke. She is also very good at 'living the lie' which she has been doing with me for at least the last 2 years or so. She's also now being very nice (like she was originally) and this is making it harder to accept as the new guy will get the one that I should have had and not the one that was always disinterested and shagging anything that smiled at her. Help! For some reason I really want her back even though I know it would never work, I would never trust her and I know its never going to happen! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmmd Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 she's the devil. get it tattooed on your forehead if you need to, but keep it in mind at all costs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SadAndy Posted April 15, 2010 Author Share Posted April 15, 2010 I guess its just jealousy that shes got the perfect bloke (better than me obviously) and is having a great time whilst i'm not. The other problem is that she doesn't look like a , she looks more 'homely and innocent' which is making it harder for me to accept. I just really want it to explode in her face. Shes 33, our daughter is 7 and the new bloke is 21 and a mummys boy. They've been together for 4 months and have already discussed marriage, kids and he is taking a mortgage out to buy my share in the house. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me it wont last. i'll be happy with that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Don't for one second think that she now has the perfect life. Just like you, she lost a stable family home when she decided to do this. Yes it's all new and exciting at the moment but soon, the cracks will appear. The age gap will make things difficult also. I doubt it will be long before he gets tired of playing daddy and good little husband and then he will probably be off with his friends looking for younger women, ones his own age. All you need to do now is focus on yourself and your daughter. It's painful now, but you will come through it and when you are ready will meet someone who is for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SadAndy Posted April 15, 2010 Author Share Posted April 15, 2010 God bless you! Thats what I want to hear. The only thing with them is that he seems really wet and immature (to the point of being idealistic) and she can live the lie. I just cant see either of them blowing the other one out. She can be very nice when she wants to be (face it, look what shes done to me and I still feel like i've lost something!) Also, he doesn't have many friends his own age and they just seem so happy at the moment it really is getting to me. Thanks for telling me what I wanted to hear though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidehop Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Nothing is 'perfect' with a woman like that, I feel bad for the other guy to be honest. When things go downhill, she'll likely cheat on him as well. Just not a healthy person to be with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 God bless you! Thats what I want to hear. The only thing with them is that he seems really wet and immature (to the point of being idealistic) and she can live the lie. I just cant see either of them blowing the other one out. She can be very nice when she wants to be (face it, look what shes done to me and I still feel like i've lost something!) Also, he doesn't have many friends his own age and they just seem so happy at the moment it really is getting to me. Thanks for telling me what I wanted to hear though! I didn't write it because it's what you wanted to hear. I wrote it because I believe it is what will happen. Let's see...would you really be happy with an immature 21 year old who hardly has any friends??? I wouldn't! You can see either of them breaking this off but did you really see that one day she would do what she has done to you? One of them will probably end up cheating or they will get bored. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Also, it's hard not to, but do try not to think about it too much and analyse their relationship and whether they will stay together or not. What you need to concentrate on now is that this piece of crap is out of your life and now you have the chance to build a great new one with someone decent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dixi Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Sorry but she doesn't deserve you and you need to realise this, I know it's hard as I have been in a similar situation but trust me it does get easier, just takes a bit longer when kids are involved and the contact is still there. Don't believe that she has changed for this other guy either, they rarely do! I don't think they have started on the right foot either as she has already wobbled. Also he will have to deal with your ex and your daughter having to see you which could possibly rock their boat! So I don't see it as perfect as they make it look. Anyway, you really need to focus on YOU and your daughter, just take it one step at a time and don't be fooled by appearances and what the ex has to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Andy* What a horror story and I feel for you mate* I will agree with the other posters. Their new RS is moving faster than Hussain Bolt doing the 100m dash...! Dangerous at best..... Now my ex got with her new guy 5 weeks after our BU and whilst our salad stage was in full swing. They are still together now 11 months later, and yes it is a harsh blow to the self esteem/ego etc..... I've been through the 'hoping its a rebound' stage right through the wanting it to blow up for them stage.... But it does get easier as time and life march on and you make your way towards that blissful nirvana of indifference....I am not there yet....soon* You're in for a hell ride that is for sure, especially becoz of your daughter, but you are going to have to show her that you are moving on, doing fine and better off without her......Which from an outsiders perspective, you truly are.....*no disrespect* At 32 you still have plenty of time to recover from this, learn the lessons that you will learn, and rebuild a happy life either with her, or with the next lucky girl* Stay strong for your daughter* Sending You Strength Kalgan* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobD70 Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 I see failure written all over her new relationship. Ones that move so fast so soon tend to crash just as fast. Most affairs die within 2 years (over 90%). You need to get angry to help move into acceptance and motivate you to stay the hell away from her. She is toxic and going through that mid-life crisis stage a lot of women have when they hit their thirties. There’s nothing you can do for her and she totally disrespected you anyway. She does not have the perfect life like everyone said. Your imagination is running a little wild but believe me, she ain’t near as happy as you may think. Go LC (for the kid’s sake) and blow her off. Ignore any small talk and just be cold when dealing with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob1000 Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Run, run, run for the hills. You are free now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SadAndy Posted April 16, 2010 Author Share Posted April 16, 2010 Thanks for all your kind messages. The whole siuation is almost laughable and I am unsure whether she is arrogant, evil or just stupid. She still maintains that she wants us to be 'mates' and cannot understand why I am not bending over backwards to help her and the new 'boy'. When we split up, I bought 2 annual passes to a local theme park for me and my daughter and now my ex has got the sulks because I wont lend her a pass so that she can take our daughter, herself and the new 'boy' and save money! I just really fear that this could be the real deal and although I accept I shouldn't be that concerned, I just really want her to end up with some of the hurt that she has given to my daughter and myself. How to go from love to hate in 4 months and at least I definitely DON'T want her back anymore! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SadAndy Posted April 17, 2010 Author Share Posted April 17, 2010 another couple of days have gone by and she is still blissfully happy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted April 17, 2010 Share Posted April 17, 2010 11 months and going strong for my ex and newboy.... Sorry to say mate, their RS may last several months and if you sit and wait for them to blow up, then even a day is too long and you will drive yourself bananas doing this..>>> ](*,) Its about You and your daughter now.... Stay Strong Bro* Kalgan* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carus Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 Hey Andy* Haven't heard from you for a few days..... Talk to us mate..... K2* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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