I read that I'm wrong, I'm told I'm right..

[peterxavier]

...I really don't know what to think...

 

I'll make this short as there isn't much explaining needed. I'm a 23, male, btw.

 

One of my closest friend's made out with my ex girlfriend on saturday..trying to convince her for a blow job as well which apparently she declined.

 

I heard about this last night..and I was absolutely livid. I do not care what she does, who she does it with, etc, as long as it is NOT my friends. Other then that I dont give a * * * * about her, what bothers me is that my "friend" went and did this. Albeit they were both drunk, but Im sorry, booze is not an excuse for actions (e.g. drunk driving?) ....

 

we DID break up a while ago (about a year and 3-4 months ago), but it's been a rocky time since then filled with anger, spite, arguing, etc...

also..SHE broke up with me (but isnt that how is usually happens?)

 

But for some reason I feel betrayed. I feel as if I've been stabbed in the back several times with a very dull, rusty knife and Ive search on the internet hoping to justify my feelings yet all I find from people asking the same questions is "get over it" "be a man" "shes an ex, you cant do anything about it"

 

I just figured there was some sort of understanding where friends dont do this * * * * to each other. I would never dream in a million years of even remotely trying to kiss/have sex with (whatever) with any of my friend's exes. Am I the exception?

 

I have two parties to go to on the weekend which Ive cancelled both because I cant even look at this * * * * * * * (i dont even know if im being fair calling him an * * * * * * * ..according to internet replies to others) and SHE will more then likely be there too.

 

...last night...I almost lost it...I txted one of the FEW people that I can trust and told him I was about to lose it....that I was gonna do something I knew I'd regret.. Thank goodness for a good friend. He stopped me from getting out of my driveway with a baseball bat ready to turn this "friend's" knees into ground beef.....last night could've been VERY bad...I have a criminal record, and this would've made it 100 times worse...Hence me being here trying to even slightly justify the way I'm feeling.

 

Thanks for even reading this and I appreciate any replies that come my way

 

 

- Betrayed, Alone, Angry

[iBroken]

You have a right to be upset with your friend. I would drop a friendship if one of my friends dated an ex or fooled around with an ex without at least running it by me......

 

Im glad however that you did not let the anger consume you......good luck

[peterxavier]

Thanks for the comment, it is appreciated. Btw for anyone that may be reading this and notice that I ONLY have one post. I have been looking at this website for at least the past 5 years and I used to post a while ago during some rough times, but I couldnt remember the username or email for that account.

I figured I'd mention this....I notice some people judge based on this as it shows a lack of dedication I suppose.

 

Thanks again.. any others are appreciated as well.

[fLuiD]

Im on the 'get over it' bandwagon only because it is your ex, and you should have cut any lanes of communication or contact by now. You should have almost forgot about her by now or at least not know anything about what she has been up to. But with a friend, it does cross a sensitive line. You do have a right to be upset about it. My advice though is to not let it show that you are upset. Or don't make it as obvious as bashing someone's knees in with a bat... It shows weakness on your part. Canceling on the parties was a good move. Avoid this 'friend' of yours and he will get the picture after a while.

[peterxavier]

fLuiD...I understand where you're coming from although I feel compelled to make something clear that I kinda forgot about in the beginning.

 

I ABSOLUTELY AGREE 100% that all lanes of communication or contact should've been cut. And they were, at the beginning. Then she decided that she wanted to hang out with my friends because they get along. I had a huge problem with this from the beginning as that chapter of my life was closed, but few people saw things from my POV. One of my other close friend's girlfriend ALWAYS insists on bringing my EX out to social gatherings, the bar, etc and I have had limited success in stopping this.

 

This is why it is hard to cut lanes of communication, etc, when she and others always insist on her being around..

 

That's why I feel it makes this "line" that much more sensitive...

 

..oh did I fail to mention that my "friend" also has a girlfriend who is one of the ones that likes my EX as well...I have the ability to start a shiit storm right now and that two seconds of revenge almost feels worth it.

[MakestheBest]

man oh man...i usually give such mature advice. But I have to be honest right now. I would get that * * * * storm started-I'd figure out a way to do it so that it doesn't make me look weak. You have every right to be angry. Men are different than women when it comes to things like this, but any ex of mine is off limits...forever. Especially someone who I had a very painful ending with. The * * * * * would die. They would both die...i want to feel that the love I had and the memories I had with this person are sacred and that act kind of robs you of the intimacy. Its like she's a freeforall.

 

Don't do anything that could land you in jail. Don't do anything until you calm down.

 

 

But also realize that the girl is an ex for certain reasons and one of those reasons is that she is the kind of uncool chick who would hang around your friends when you want her gone and make out with them. Good riddance!

Buuut, to play the devil's advocate: It was just a kiss and she did turn down anything further...so that is not something someone can't eventually bounce back from. Hopefully its all a mistake in her eyes and she is as horrified as you are. How did you find all of this out btw?

[mmmd]

friends don't hook up with friend's ex girlfriends.

 

and if they do, they clear it before

[peterxavier]

..wow...inspirational...

Thank you, very much so.

 

I didnt see this in your original post, but I noticed when I quoted your post that you asked how I found out about it.

 

You see...I feel as if I've been the little conversation piece for my social circle due to my inability in dealing with having my ex around. To be honest, I just want her gone, but I dont get too much respect with that idea. Anyways... everytime she goes out with my friends and Im not around its like a huge secret that people need to keep from me because they figure I'll get mad, etc. What makes me mad, is that people treat it like a huge secret...and work hard at keeping it that way...some people usually indulge such "secrets" to me after a few pints at the pub (of course without me asking, and to be honest, I dont really want to know)...

 

But on this occasion I was speaking with a friend of mine on the phone. She is a very very good friend, one of the few Im lucky to call that. After a moment of silence she mentioned that there was something she wanted to tell me but knew she couldn't. Obviously she was going to tell me, and she let me know about this little "encounter" to which I swore I'd keep to myself as she was LET IN ON THE LITTLE SECRET herself...christ..I hate that so much..lol..

 

I told her I wasn't going to either of these parties (both of which are birthdays) and she tried to tell me that it wasn't the host of either party's fault yet I explained that it will do me and others more harm then good and I dont want to ruin a good party, especially a birthday with either arguing/violence or a mixture of the two...at least for now.

 

I also explained to her that I will keep the secret, but they will find out the reason Im not hanging around as much sooner or later, and that will be beyond my control. She understood.

 

Basically, over the past month I've been contemplating my relationships with this social circle, some whom I have known my entire life. One on one, I have the most amazing people ever, but in a group, Im getting sick of doing things so other people can be happy (e.g. pretty much being forced into accepting that Bitcch back into my life on the "request" of others when I am unhappy). I dont want to be the topic of "oh we gotta make sure he doesn't find out" It's getting very irritating and this only further reinforced my feelings of negativity regarding my "situation".

 

Some friends will be innocent bystanders as they have done nothing wrong, but I feel as if I am literally at war with a "situation" and as much as I despise actually war, the truth remains that innocent bystanders get "hurt" as collateral damage...if i choose the path Im leaning towards...I'll try to lessen this blow as much as possible to those people and explain that it has nothing to do with them...IF I choose that...

[peterxavier]

by choosing "that" I mean, removing myself from what I believe will turn into a toxic situation, if it isnt one already...

 

 

Thanks again people..I'm getting some insight here...

 

 

Also, MakesTheBest...I do realize it was only a kiss and whether it was a mistake in her eyes, I don't really care (I dont mean that to come off rudely, my apologies if it does) ...It's him, someone who's supposed to be on my side, my team, my amigo, compadre, comrad.....such an as$hole..

[MakestheBest]

I feel as if I've been the little conversation piece for my social circle due to my inability in dealing with having my ex around.

 

this takes it to a new light...then she should definitely be off limits...I can see your frustrations with your entire group...I would definitely start cutting people lose. They are not respecting your feelings. And since from the above quote it was clear that she was a sore subject and a difficult breakup. You're friend is definitely way out of bounds.

 

Are you going to let the cat out of the bag?

[Cognitive_Canine]

They wouldn't be my friend anymore.

[CallingAllAngels]

She is your ex...perhaps it's best NOT to find out what she is or isn't doing.

 

Your friend was a jerk for doing what he did, but please, DON'T attack someone with a baseball bat...you will end up in jail, and for what? An ex girlfriend?

 

I would do NO CONTACT, and ask your friends to PLEASE NOT tell you what she's doing.

 

She is your ex for a reason...

[peterxavier]

Im deciding...my one friend is saying that I don't based on what I've told him...

 

I have no doubt in my mind that if his gf found out he kissed some other chick that he would either wind up dead...severely hurt in the form of brain damage.. or "disappear" ...because she would def. break up with him, and her older brothers would be very inquisitive as to why their younger sister is quite upset.

 

his GFs older brothers are very protective of their 25 year old sister.....and...well.....they are well "connected" shall we say and their protectiveness overrules others well-being..

 

As much as I'd like to watch the suffering take place just to give me 2 moments of gratification, I dont know if I can handle the rest being placed on my conscience.

[peterxavier]

CallingAllAngels...

Ive explained previously...that this NO CONTACT thing worked...in the beginning, but as I outlined in the aforementioned posts....my social circle has made that impossible...

 

Its not a matter of people not telling me what she is doing....when she is RIGHT THERE...

[peterxavier]

and..its not a matter of HER...its him....i wouldnt hit him because of HER, id hit him because he crossed the sensitive line that is the topic of this conversation - CallingAllAngels, not to be rude, but I dont think you read everything Ive tried to explain..

[CallingAllAngels]

and..its not a matter of HER...its him....i wouldnt hit him because of HER, id hit him because he crossed the sensitive line that is the topic of this conversation - CallingAllAngels, not to be rude, but I dont think you read everything Ive tried to explain..

 

I re-read your post...I think I understand, although since it is filled with profanity that was blocked out, I tried my best to fill in the blanks.

 

What did my post say that was upsetting?

 

I validated your feelings by saying your friend was a jerk, and advised that you NOT assault him, as, by your own admission, you have a criminial record, and certainly turning someone's knees "into ground beef" would most certainly land you in jail.

 

So, what was it that I didn't understand about your post?

[MakestheBest]

I re-read your post...I think I understand, although since it is filled with profanity that was blocked out, I tried my best to fill in the blanks.

 

What did my post say that was upsetting?

 

I validated your feelings by saying your friend was a jerk, and advised that you NOT assault him, as, by your own admission, you have a criminial record, and certainly turning someone's knees "into ground beef" would most certainly land you in jail.

 

So, what was it that I didn't understand about your post?

Calling all angels..I think he's just frustrated in general. Don't take it personally. It seems like he's doing a lot to calm himself down right now. Some of it is just spilling over.

[Taikero]

Just tell your friend, "Look, you crossed a line you shouldn't have and you know what I had with __THE_EX__. I'm not going to rat you out to your girlfriend or anything else, but we're done. I can't trust you to have my back when it's important, and I don't need a backstabbing friend."

 

I personally vote you do rat the guy out discreetly, but then I also don't believe it's your business what happens to him since he didn't much care what happened to you because of his indiscretion. I have little sympathy for cheaters. Let him take his licks for his mistake.

[peterxavier]

Calling all angels..I think he's just frustrated in general. Don't take it personally. It seems like he's doing a lot to calm himself down right now. Some of it is just spilling over.

 

 

EXACTLY what she said... My apologies..

oh I guess I also failed to mention that I stopped smoking a week and a half ago after a pack and a half a day since I was 16 so its not helping my mood or the craving.. Im sorry if Im letting the combo get the best of me...again, im sorry.

 

Just tell your friend, "Look, you crossed a line you shouldn't have and you know what I had with __THE_EX__. I'm not going to rat you out to your girlfriend or anything else, but we're done. I can't trust you to have my back when it's important, and I don't need a backstabbing friend."

 

I personally vote you do rat the guy out discreetly, but then I also don't believe it's your business what happens to him since he didn't much care what happened to you because of his indiscretion. I have little sympathy for cheaters. Let him take his licks for his mistake.

 

Taikero, I could not think of a better way of saying that...that is ideally what I want to do...but unfortunately in turn, I'd just be stabbing someone else in the back -the good friend that told me all this in the first place whom I promised not to disclose what she told me to anyone....I have few people I can trust..I cant afford to lose them... Mark my words tho, when the time comes for me to say that, I will quote you word for word.

 

As for the ratting out...I probably won't have sympathy at first, but the sympathy will reflect on his parents...if anything were to happen, they'd be devastated. Our parents were almost interchangeable growing up, very close to them as my "friend" and his brother were to mine... basically what Im saying is that if they are hurt because of something that happens...Im hurt because they are feeling pain regardless of what is is...I dont think I could do that to my "parents" ..its a very stupid circle...and Im trying to explain it the best I can...

[geekgirl4]

Just tell your friend, "Look, you crossed a line you shouldn't have and you know what I had with __THE_EX__. I'm not going to rat you out to your girlfriend or anything else, but we're done. I can't trust you to have my back when it's important, and I don't need a backstabbing friend."

 

I personally vote you do rat the guy out discreetly, but then I also don't believe it's your business what happens to him since he didn't much care what happened to you because of his indiscretion. I have little sympathy for cheaters. Let him take his licks for his mistake.

 

Taikero's advice is perfect. As satisfying as it would be to beat the crap out of him, it just takes you to his level - low, crude, douche. Let him know that he's a piece of crap (but more eloquently ^_^ ) and then ditch this backstabber. And I think letting the gf know discreetly is a nice little ending punch.

 

I think if the bf and gf separated on ok terms and a year has passed, then it might be ok for a friend to go for that ex. But if a friend knows you had a bad break and has continued to have troubles over that ex, then it's max betrayal to be trying something with that ex.

[peterxavier]

Taikero's advice is perfect. As satisfying as it would be to beat the crap out of him, it just takes you to his level - low, crude, douche. Let him know that he's a piece of crap (but more eloquently ^_^ ) and then ditch this backstabber. And I think letting the gf know discreetly is a nice little ending punch.

 

I think if the bf and gf separated on ok terms and a year has passed, then it might be ok for a friend to go for that ex. But if a friend knows you had a bad break and has continued to have troubles over that ex, then it's max betrayal to be trying something with that ex.

 

I totally agree Geekgirl..... I believe in the whole year passed on good terms thing...but it is obvious to everyone that knows me that is not the case...Tonight, Im ditching all of them, for the time being at least, Im just waiting for a perfect time to send my pre-written messages out (I cant do it in person or the phone, ill break down, and I really dont want to hear what they will say because I will more then likely give in because Im like that, the person who wants everyone else to be happy regardless of whether or not he is happy himself)

 

This is a time for me to do me. And Im gonna keep those close to me as long as they do not betray me, Im confident they wont. But then again...I felt the same about the others...

Fuccking Asssholes

 

Thank you one and all for the advice, comments, and generally appreciation of my situation. I wish I could pay all of you back for your overall kindness.

If anyone still has opinions that they would like to contribute I am more than welcoming of it. I will keep checking this Thread regularly.