We're trying again, despite a VERY messy breakup

[katified]

Well,

 

Me and my boyfriend of nearly 3 years broke up in mid Feb. We got into an argument and I told him to get out and give me my keys back. He knew I was angry, but took this opportunity to have the time of his life for a good month or so, and even ended up sleeping with someone else. The man who would have done anything for me, suddenly did not care at all. I also had to go through the trouble of worrying about the whole bull * * * * situation, since said girl was rumored to have herpes [she sleeps around a lot].

 

He has since been tested for everything under the sun and is negative, and she was tested in December and is negative. I do NOT play around with STDS, rumors or not.

 

Now that we are back together I am willing to re-examine the situation instead of * * * * on him constantly as I had been doing so.

 

We both made a lot of mistakes. I got so used to him treating me like gold that I took advantage of it and had him by the balls a good majority of the time. I was just so used to him, that I would take my stress out on him. My grand-mother has been recently diagnosed with cancer, and she is my best friend in the whole world so I wasn't really focusing on our relationship at all. I was constantly tweaking on him if I was having a bad day. Asking him about future job goals, picking at his clothes, ect. I did a complete 180 from the person he fell in love with which was a happy and fun girl. I was... well. A * * * * * .

 

I also had a brief "thing" with someone, before we even broke up but I did not sleep with said person. It was simply me showing interest in another guy. I hung out with this guy and even hanging out with him felt wrong so I left the situation immediately. The mistake? Telling my boyfriend about it, because I have conscience issues. Anyway, my boyfriend later said that this made him feel "justified" in sleeping with this girl when we were broken up.

 

We are giving this another shot. It's been going really well so far. We have made a big change in that we are NOT living together anymore. We have both become the people we fell in love with again. I think the break was necessary and meant to happen, although extremely painful and hurtful. We were constantly at each others throats and something needed to change.

 

Our breakup was awful though. I won't get into all the details here, but I acted very psychotic and crazy. I am willing to admit that. He later admitted that he felt some sort of comfort in staying away for so long because he knew that I loved him and would take him back because of my behavior (NOTE: This is a good reason to keep your cool and to act somewhat indifferent following a breakup, or to go NC. Although everyone is different, he did not come back immediately because he knew he had me)

 

Getting back together does happen... sometimes! Acting crazy doesn't help at all though. Don't reach for the phone, as much as you want to.

[Xylitol]

you harvest what you sow. If you pretend to be all happy and a nice person while in reality you have all these stress issues that make you into a nasty person and you let all this negativity out on your bf, then its not so suprising that you constantly get into a fight.

 

In other words you have to redirect the negative energy and stress and make something positive out of it.

 

My advice: Don't make your bf your victim. Just leave him alone, and only focus on making him happy, this is what partners should do. And you should cherish the happyness that he brings into your life.

 

You just need to put things into perspective and letting them go. Your grandmother got cancer, a very negative and emotional thing, but this is not your fault, nor your responsibility. You need to make a borderline between things that you have in control in your life, and things that you have not in control. If you don't have a thing in control then you must surrender and let it go. But don't use that stress to hurt your loved ones.

 

Your bf is not your psychiater, and in the end you have to be your own pillar of support which you must build. You primairily must support on yourself instead, of leaning on others, because in the end no one can live your life for you. And by knowing that you can stop putting up rediculous expectations onto your bf or your surroundings.

 

The perfect emotional balance is like a cave with a lake in it, no wind or disturbance can be found in the waters surface. You must seek to stop the raging emotional wind which is like a storm on a ocean in your mind at all cost. You must understand that no one understands you, and that its therefore unreasonable to extract these things from the people surrounding you,especially those who are close to you. You must find your own emotional balance thru spiritual meditation, bhuddism would be all for you since it balances the mind and makes you able to put things into perspective rather then letting it take over your mind.