misssmithviii Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Most times I feel like I have to force myself into denial that I'm beautiful... and I think most of it stems from my past. I used to be ridiculously confident in my looks, but that's the thing. I was. All details aside basically my body was as perfect as it could possibly be... people would gawk at how my torso was what they called a "victoria's secret body". I loved feeling like I could wear anything I wanted, and I always looked great because my body was just amazing. Now, I'm nearly disgusted with my body. I'm grateful but unsatisfied because it's not the same - I had a daughter and it absolutely tore my stomach to pieces. When I wear clothes I look the same as I did before I had a child, but I know what I look like underneath... Another thing (which I didn't know until the doctor told me), since I lost the baby weight so fast (from 180lbs back down to 115lbs), it only created MORE stretch marks! I HATE IT. I don't care what other people think - nobody sees me naked besides my man (who is somehow blind and thinks I'm gorgeous) - but I DO care what I think. If I'm not confident in myself, I just don't feel that great you know? It's not interfering with my daily life or anything... but am I fake by having to literally force myself to feel beautiful? I somehow feel like I'm faking confidence when I walk with my shoulders back... when I put on makeup and appreciate compliments - sometimes I just want to lift up my shirt and say "LOOK! I'M DEFORMED!" Ugh, and if I am being fake, how do I even begin to love my body again? Or is that just a quick switch I have to make on my own somehow? Link to comment
Ivory_Tower Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 I think that what you have to do is change your mindset into a more positive one. Negativity breeds more negativity. You must also come to accept who you are and what you look like. I used to have a hard time doing that because I'm very thin and petite. I spent so much time worrying about how I appeared to other people that I lost sight of how I looked to MYSELF. The first step is acceptance. Plus, if the guy you are with loves you just the way you are, then his opinion is the only one that matters anyways! Link to comment
JusticeLaw9 Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Only you can love your body the way you know how. Because it's yours. Putting confidence on display doesn't make you fake. I'd like to think that each person has something about their body that they're insecure about. If not there, than something in their life they wish they could tame. Link to comment
misssmithviii Posted April 15, 2010 Author Share Posted April 15, 2010 That's really what it comes down to. I'm not really accepting myself. I'm not the kind to rely solely on my man's opinion of me, I enjoy having my own opinion about myself. Link to comment
JusticeLaw9 Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 That's really what it comes down to. I'm not really accepting myself. I'm not the kind to rely solely on my man's opinion of me, I enjoy having my own opinion about myself. If you're insecure about something about yourself, that's normal. We're not ever going to be perfect. I wish I wasn't so thin, but it is what it is. I just find a way to make it work for me. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 It takes a while to get used to the new "mom" body. As you say no one else sees your body but you and your SO...so no one else knows what is under your clothes. I think of my stretch marks as a small price I had to pay for my beautiful son. Body perfection does not last forever, but the love between a mother and child does. Maybe think of it that way? Link to comment
Shallow Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 It's all a part of getting older. Sadly, we're so programmed to believe that the only thing "beautiful" is being youthful, having flat-as-a-board abs, photoshopped skin, etc. etc. It's just not realistic, at least not for any long period of time. Being beautiful is being a great mother, a great wife/girlfriend/SO/whatever, and a great person. If you're any/all of those, you should have all the confidence in the world, especially since you have someone who loves you for that and more. It doesn't matter if you look any different than before, you're still the same person (probably even better). Link to comment
misssmithviii Posted April 15, 2010 Author Share Posted April 15, 2010 @Victoria66 I've tried thinking of it that way, but I'm actually surprised someone else has thought that. I guess going from having no insecurities to having them is a big shock for me, and I guess I'm still in shock even a year and a half later. As long as I'm not being fake by having to force myself into feeling confident then that at least takes a lot off my shoulders - I cannot stand feeling like I'm putting on a show. Link to comment
misssmithviii Posted April 15, 2010 Author Share Posted April 15, 2010 @Shallow Thank you, I am a much better person now than I was before. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 You should never feel disgusted about your body, you produced another beautiful human being. Do you know how BEAUTIFUL that is? No body that does that is disgusting, ever. I will admit it does take time to get used to, because it is different and it reminds us that looks are not forever. Believe me though in the short time you have been here I can tell you are very wise,mature, and SO much more than your looks. Remember that, you are more than your looks. Your confidence should also come from your intelligence. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 It takes a while to get used to the new "mom" body. As you say no one else sees your body but you and your SO...so no one else knows what is under your clothes. I think of my stretch marks as a small price I had to pay for my beautiful son. Body perfection does not last forever, but the love between a mother and child does. Maybe think of it that way? I agree with this all the way. Instead of focusing so much on your body, put the focus on your child and being the best mother and wife you can be. THAT will make you more beautiful, irrespective of not having the perfect stomach. Learn to accept that you are a mommy now (yes, babies tend to change your figure a little) and you have other things to worry about now and it's not all about having a gorgeous figure. This time baby comes first. Link to comment
misssmithviii Posted April 15, 2010 Author Share Posted April 15, 2010 Time... most definitely it will take time to get used to But thank you very much, it's sweet to hear that and it did make me feel better - like I have more to offer. To hear a female say that is very impacting on me, and I really do thank you. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 I mean it. I can tell you have tons to offer. Link to comment
Sparkly Eyes Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Wait a second, so stretch marks on your stomach is your ONLY problem? You have a pretty face and are in shape, I'm sure people still find you very very beautiful. Link to comment
YakasJourney Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Beauty comes from within, remember that. It sounds like you may have been basing your self-worth around your appearance and hence the approval of others at a young age. We are bombarded every day with images of a perfectly flat, tan stomach but that is not reality, as you are realizing now. Don't worry you are still you, even if you aren't perfect. Link to comment
Shallow Posted April 17, 2010 Share Posted April 17, 2010 Wait a second, so stretch marks on your stomach is your ONLY problem? You have a pretty face and are in shape, I'm sure people still find you very very beautiful. No doubt. I wouldn't need much more from a woman physically if she had eyes like that. I'm just a sucker for that sort of thing I guess. Link to comment
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