I cannot stand one of my coworkers

[arcadefire]

This coworker of mine joined my group a little over a year ago. At first, he was cordial with me, but now I believe he is downright giving me attitude and giving lip.

 

We are both in the same position, but he believes he's leagues above everyone else. He's arrogant, hot headed, opinionated, and continually kisses butt to the people above us. He really knows how to suck up, but then he has a turn of face when talking or dealing with me. When in groups, he won't acknowledge me or talk to me (I now do the same to him). Some examples, just today almost everyone in the office left at around 5:30, and as I got up to leave, he said sarcastically, "Must be nice to work 9 to 5" (we normally work until 7), and I said calmly, "It is, and I'll take advantage while I can." Or the fact that I bring my lunch and don't buy my coffee, he calls me "cheap" (indirectly), that I use the additional line for $10 with my parents for my cellphone instead of getting a separate service he calls "pathetic", etc. It's very belittling, and I never treat anyone like this since it's none of my business how people spend their money. I just can't stand how he has it in his head that he's somehow better than me, which I can care less, but it exudes in the way he interacts with me so now it has become my business.

 

He is switching groups and moving to a different city (still in the same company) beginning of July, and I know it's only a matter of time before I don't have to see his face anymore, although I will still probably work with him since these are the same clients. As much as I would love to get along with him, I believe it is too late to change the way things are now as I now either ignore him or brush off his attitude. Just hearing him talk down to me gives me stress, and now I just loathe looking at him or hearing him talk on the phone (he sits right next to me). Any advice?

[onewithbooks]

He sounds like a real charmer. I feel like he is walking around and doing this because he can. Who is going to stop him? He feels like no one will, esp since he gets on with the bosses.

 

There are two ways to go about it, ignore him as you have been, or, quit taking his crap. He is being rude and its inappropriate.

 

If I were you, I would call him on it. There is no need for him to be unprofessional in the workplace.

 

The next time he says something that is rude, be bold - it will catch him off guard, Say his name - FIRMLY - and then in a bit of a softer tone, look him directly in the eye and ask to speak with him for a moment. Take him aside and tell him that his comment was unnecessary and unprofessional. If he feels a certain way about you, that is fine, bring it to your attention, but do not do it in front of everyone else. That is inapporpriate and disrespectful. Tell him that you know that he will be here for a few more months and that you would like that time to go by as smoothly as possible, but in order for that to happen you needed to tell him how you feel and you would like him to stop with his comments.

[Sonicxman]

I would have a sit down with him (non confrontational), this has happened to me several times and I have aired the dirty laundry. Again non-confrontational, dont start or end on a negative note. Just tell him that you dont like it when he talks down to you, in a nice easy tone. Dont bring up how he sucks up or any of that stuff, that would be insulting. You dont want to change the guy just get along with him until he leaves. This is what I would do and have done.

[anggrace]

I like this idea. You shouldn't put up with it. Oooor maybe you should, but I certainly wouldn't. What a douche.

[none2good]

Too bad he is taking his anal attitude elsewhere. Old habits die hard, so I'm certain he will be spreading his brad of joy at his new location, as well. Generally speaking people who behave in this manner are trying to mask a inferiority complex by appearing to be perfect.

The last guy I worked with such as this worm, was discovered to be padding his time and was stealing regularly from the firm. Unfortunately, his ass kissing had bought him enough protection that it took several years before he was asked to leave.

[catfeeder]

He's only going to be there until July, so I'd pull off 'stupid and cheerful' until then. It's like Teflon. Just be too daft to hear or understand anything snide from him, and when forced to deal with him on business, just be kind and happy. Nothing can penetrate that--there's no arguing with someone who either doesn't hear you or fails to understand an insult. Be that person for a few months. Consider the guy good practice and perfect the art--chances are you'll need it again in the future.

 

In your corner.

[cazmoore]

Next time he says something inappropriate, stare at him for a few moments and just say, "Do you want to take this outside?!"

 

Nah. Actually I had the same problem with a co-worker just like that, and I snapped and told him to get into the managers office, because anything I had to say I needed to have a witness... so we worked it out because he saw that I wasn't willing to let him walk all over me or disrespect me in any way. If he knows he can get away with what he's saying, he'll continue to do it. Some people aren't happy unless they're conjuring up crap. If it were me, who seems to do things without thinking, I'd call him out on * * * * shizz and see how he reacts. I'm a bit of a hot head, although I wouldn't out right ever disrspect anyone and I'm extremely cognizant of my behaviour and how to treat others... and I expect the same in return, that's why I got so annoyed.

 

Sometimes that's the only way you can deal with those people, at least with me. I wouldn't play his game and pull the same sort of behaviours he's playing. I just find how I did it, completely nipped it in the bud... and actually we get along pretty well now.

 

How you feeling about it now? I mean before my post, but do you think you'll just ignore him or do you think you'll take an alternative route?

[cazmoore]

He's only going to be there until July, so I'd pull off 'stupid and cheerful' until then. It's like Teflon. Just be too daft to hear or understand anything snide from him, and when forced to deal with him on business, just be kind and happy. Nothing can penetrate that--there's no arguing with someone who either doesn't hear you or fails to understand an insult. Be that person for a few months. Consider the guy good practice and perfect the art--chances are you'll need it again in the future.

 

In your corner.

 

 

 

Yeah.. I've heard the 'stupid and cheerful' thing as well... I almost have to agree with that one. What I did, it's a lot harder and causes more grief. It's not part of my personality to do this, but I know this is probably the smartest route to go.

[catfeeder]

Yeah.. I've heard the 'stupid and cheerful' thing as well... I almost have to agree with that one. What I did, it's a lot harder and causes more grief. It's not part of my personality to do this, but I know this is probably the smartest route to go.

 

I appreciate your saying that, because I know this is the hardest thing for assertive people to consider. Thing is, while it might make your stomach hurt, it's strategic. At the very least it buys you time to avoid jumping into a confrontation that might feel satisfying for an instant but risks the kind of fallout you'll need to live with from that point forward. You can never UNdo losing your temper in the eyes of your coworkers--and boss.

 

Even when your situation is not temporary, blowing some annoying digs into a war means there WILL be casualties--and your adversary is pressing for that out of confidence (real or imagined) the s/he can make you look like a hysterical ass who can't cope in the sandbox.

 

In this case, you already know you're outlasting him, so what exactly would a confrontation 'win' you, other than a rep for zero ability to pick the right kind of battles that really count?

 

An idiot takes pride in his/her ability to one-up someone else to make himself feel like less of an idiot. If you want to drive him nuts, don't play. Fall into a sudden and convenient case of amnesia, and do your job. The more pleasant an experience you seem to have doing that, the harder your adversary will need to work for your attention--until he outs himself as an infant and offends thinking people in the process. Meanwhile, you don't notice a thing, and any gossip that blows your way about what a jerk he is comes as a complete surprise to you.

 

Some people are too nice to offend. Go there.

 

Cheers.

[arcadefire]

I appreciate the replies about a way to confront him next time he does something immature, although I do think the better way to handle this is to act calmly and ignore him until he leaves. He's so self-absorbed in himself that I doubt any sort of "talk" will result in any change. And it will result in a negative image of me for the duration of time I stay in the group while he goes off and starts in another group.

 

I think this is a classic catch-22 situation. If you say something, you still sling mud onto your face. And if you choose to ignore it, then you choose the option of not changing a thing in the workplace.

[nutbrownhare]

He's only going to be there until July, so I'd pull off 'stupid and cheerful' until then. It's like Teflon. Just be too daft to hear or understand anything snide from him, and when forced to deal with him on business, just be kind and happy. Nothing can penetrate that--there's no arguing with someone who either doesn't hear you or fails to understand an insult. Be that person for a few months. Consider the guy good practice and perfect the art--chances are you'll need it again in the future.

 

In your corner.

I agree with this totally, and this was how I recently handled a situation with a colleague who was just like this. She was well-known for having run-ins with anyone she considered inferior (who was no use to her) and I took the view I needed to do nothing.

 

If someone is being snide and nasty, and you do not respond in kind, they are left looking ...snide and nasty. Being straightforward and assertive is ideal, but it is dependent on the other person being prepared to meet you halfway, and with some people it just isn't possible.

 

The best you can do is not to allow yourself to be hooked into their game (the word "oh!" an be very useful here) whilst you carry on being cheerful, detached and professional. Just leave all that unnecessary stuff exactly where it belongs - with the person who's giving it out!

 

In fact, read my signature

[nimisaj]

That IS weird. Seems like he is a little mysogynistic... I do NOT like men that act that way. Arrrrghhh!!!!

 

Tell him to eff off. Tell him ppl always see through those that are kissing up.

I'd probably end up in some sort of quarrel/confrontation w/ that sort of person... I don't think I could give you advice. I am a mean person in these situations... I say the wrong thing or I don't always handle these well... blah blah blah.