Jump to content

i'm either a raging feminist or a loving house wife


shoxpt

Recommended Posts

soooooo, a couple years ago i got tired of men. I was young and ended up dating irresponsible guys who were bad with money, had no ambition, and had no problems taking advantage of my caring and helping nature. so i figured if i was gonna be the "man" in relationships, i might as well get me sum p***y.

 

flash forward 3 years and i'm ready to take a chance on guys again. because what i REALLY want in life is to be a wife and a mother. I want to have babies, clean the house, greet a hard working hubby when he comes home, and serve an AWESOME dinner. but the thing that i've found is that guys don't respect women who want to well act like a woman.

 

i'm not looking to leach... i have one bachelor's and am going for another. I'm fully capable and happy taking care of myself,but i'm not gonna settle either. women usually get screwed in marrages. they work and do the majority of raising the kids, and taking care of the house... but is there something wrong with me for wanting to be the most devoted, loving, caring, and giving wife and mother i can be?

Link to comment
but is there something wrong with me for wanting to be the most devoted, loving, caring, and giving wife and mother i can be?

 

To me it sounds like you were burnt from the past. It's their loss for losing someone wanting a quality life. I'm sure there is someone out there that will appreciate and love you for who you are and do the same in return.

Link to comment

There is nothing wrong with it at all, there are men who do appreciate that and have respect for it as well. Just not too many of them in the younger generation unfortunately. Society in general has become very money hungry and consumer grubbing and has forgotten the meaning of family and caring about every one's contribution in the family and it need not always be monetary. Actually when you do look at it, it IS monetary because when the mother is not looking after the children, someone else is and you have to pay big bucks for it. The mother is tired after work so CHEZ someone else does the meals and Doris the cleaning lady cleans the house........hm so that all adds up to hmmmmm maybe $3000 a month sometimes more, sometimes less, not to mention the clothes and another vehicle and the gas etc it takes to go to work. I digress though...you know a mother does nothing and she is just a leech you know

 

In all seriousness, I think there are men out there that WOULD appreciate a more traditional woman.

Link to comment

I think there are a lot of men who are looking to have a stay at home wife to raise there children. But just a reminder you can be a feminist and a house wife. And there are plenty of working women who have kids who don't get "screwed".

 

But yeah I would say a lot more men now days are looking for women who are going to work. It's hard to raise kids with only one income. So your really looking for a man who you love (I assume) who wants kids, wants a stay at home wife, and makes enough money to support both. It takes time to find people. And you are looking for a small percentage of the population. Juts give it time.

Link to comment

Shoot, that's what I'm looking for. My mother was a stay-at-home mom and I think she did just fine. Can't say she could cook delicious food to save her life, but the rest sure counted for a lot (plus I'm a good cook today because I had to learn early if I wanted anything tasty to eat).

 

Now, if my wife wanted to work, by all means, I'm 100% fine with that. If she wanted to stay home and care for the children and the house and all of that, I'm completely okay here too. My mother would often try to make some money on the side where she could to help out and she still had hobbies and interests, but her focus was always on the home and her children. I don't think I would have turned out the same otherwise, so I do recognize the value from a personal standpoint of a stay-at-home mother.

 

Now of course, each route presents its own financial pros and cons, but what's important is having a cohesive family above all else. I don't want my future wife unhappy nor do I want my children's upbringing neglected. Finding that balance I'm sure will be interesting, to say the least.

 

Just letting you know there are men out there with the goal of having a more traditional family, and not in the "on-your-back-or-in-the-kitchen" sort of way either.

Link to comment
flash forward 3 years and i'm ready to take a chance on guys again. because what i REALLY want in life is to be a wife and a mother. I want to have babies, clean the house, greet a hard working hubby when he comes home, and serve an AWESOME dinner. but the thing that i've found is that guys don't respect women who want to well act like a woman.

 

I respect women who want to be stay-at-home mothers. What I don't respect is the attitude that this is somehow the only way of being a "woman" or that it is more reputable/honourable than deciding to maintain a profession instead. Unfortunately, these two attitudes often go hand-in-hand which is what makes it a turn-off for many people, IMO.

Link to comment

"I want to have babies, clean the house, greet a hard working hubby when he comes home, and serve an AWESOME dinner. but the thing that I've found is that guys don't respect women who want to well act like a woman."

 

Ummmm so because I don't want those things does that mean I don't act like a woman? I know men who stay home and do all of that (well except having the baby) are they considered women? Maybe if you changed your definition of that type of work as being "women's work" and more along the lines of a fulfilling career in the home regardless of sex men would follow your lead. Nothing wrong with an emancipated house wife and mother. Careful how you label feminists/feminism it's not exactly what society tries to led you to believe.

 

Sounds like you'd be a great wife and mother though! I always said to my ex-husband "Do you know what this marriage needs? A wife!" Best of luck

Link to comment

It could also be that these men were intimidated by her intelligent and goal-oriented personality. Or they simply weren't ready to commit. If she is leaning towards a family based on traditional roles, than in that sense, she wants to feel like a woman in that role.

Link to comment

My number is.........Just kidding. My last ex was a stay at home mom and I loved it. I also have had exes that worked that was good too. As someone else said either situation is fine as long as you are both good with it. To be honest though, I loved having her at home taking care of things. The most important thing to either situation surviving is working together to make it work. With the stay at home mom, we had to be a little more thrifty sometimes and she understood when I picked up overtime. With the working mom's we had more money, but things were a little hectic at times. Especially with the kids involved with lots of activities.

Link to comment
I respect women who want to be stay-at-home mothers. What I don't respect is the attitude that this is somehow the only way of being a "woman" or that it is more reputable/honourable than deciding to maintain a profession instead. Unfortunately, these two attitudes often go hand-in-hand which is what makes it a turn-off for many people, IMO.

 

I think a lot of the problem is that it certainly is harder to have a direct influence in your children's lives when you're both gone to work most of the day. You then have to rely on Suzy Daycare or Daisy Babysitter for part of that, and if you don't have someone you trust to teach the values and reinforce the discipline you feel your child needs, it can certainly be an issue and cause confusion and problems.

 

It is especially important in my personal opinion during the younger years for the proper values, ideas, and attitudes to be cultivated because after about 6-8 years old a lot of how a child will grow up and act has already become a part of them because of the outside influences they have been exposed to. If a large part of this influence isn't the parents, then the outcome could be undesirable and it's entirely possible to have a problem child on your hands, or at least one you don't understand all that well since you haven't been there to be a significant part of their life day in and day out.

 

Each route presents its own challenges. If you both work, you're both going to want to make extra effort to be sure your children receive the care and attention they need from you and you want for them. If one of you stays at home, there will probably be some extra financial difficulties and you'll both be highly dependent on the other person to do things well, whether it's being a professional or being a homemaker.

 

Neither way is superior, it's more of a "pick your poison" scenario than anything else. I may want my wife to be able to be a homemaker but the reality may be we need the money to survive or she may just want to work. Whichever happens it's important to me to be supportive and for both of us to do what's best for the family as a whole.

 

I also notice you turned out to be a fine ,level headed and mature, intelligent young man having your mother at home. We need more young men like you in the world. It is so refreshing actually.

 

I'll get back to you on the whole maturity thing, but thanks for the rest.

Link to comment

Some of the comments in this thread really sadden me. I don't care if a woman (or man) wants to stay at home, I just don't want this to be expected of all people. The reason many men don't want a stay at home wife is because some of them (not all certainly) are lazy and do nothing. By that same token some guys want a stay at home wife so they can control her. Not all situations pertain to these, but some certainly do. Personally, I'd run the other way if a guy even suggested that I stay at home.

Link to comment
The giant chip on your shoulder is probably what is scaring the right guys away. I know plenty of guys who would love a family woman, myself included.

 

Women who work would be just as much of a "family woman" as a stay at home mom. I'm tired of this attitude that career women=bad mothers. They don't just as stay at home mom doesn't always mean good hardworking mom (I know many lazy stay at home parents).

Link to comment
The giant chip on your shoulder is probably what is scaring the right guys away. I know plenty of guys who would love a family woman, myself included.

 

As newwave points out, someone who works is not necessarily less "family" oriented though. Labeling them that way just reveals a passive bias that women who want a career are not focused on their families. This is a blatantly false statement.

Link to comment

thank you to everyone who said i'm not crazy for wanting to have a more traditional lifestyle (its really weird to type this because i've dated girls for the past 3 years).

 

and someone said i have a chip on my shoulder, I guess I do a little bit. It seems that i'm getting to know a guy and he seems to like me... then we talk about what we want in life... in my head, it seems like they go from thinking of me as an independent, educated, hard working woman... to a girl thats looking for a sugar daddy. I just need to find the right guy who understands how much dedication and hard work it takes to be a good house wife.

 

and i'm also not saying that your not a good wife and mother if you work... i'm just saying that is what would make me happy and how i feel i could best contribute to a marriage.

 

now all this being said. if i don't find the right guy, i'm completely happy with the idea of never getting married. I've already thought about adopting in the future.

Link to comment
Women who work would be just as much of a "family woman" as a stay at home mom. I'm tired of this attitude that career women=bad mothers. They don't just as stay at home mom doesn't always mean good hardworking mom (I know many lazy stay at home parents).

 

As newwave points out, someone who works is not necessarily less "family" oriented though. Labeling them that way just reveals a passive bias that women who want a career are not focused on their families. This is a blatantly false statement.

 

First of all, it's just something I used to describe what the OP was talking about, my main point stands.

 

Second of all, women who work can be family-oriented too, but all other things remaining equal, a woman or man who stays at home will be more focused on their family - it's simply logical - more time with them.

 

Personally, I know that I want one stay at home parent if I have kids, whether it's me or my partner, because I do feel it makes for a better upbringing. You can disagree with that all you want, but that's my opinion.

Link to comment

Hmm.

 

I'd be leaning towards what is more common when a woman knows she wants a family, marriage, and kids - there are plenty of men who are scared off by that. Especially if you are upfront with it.

 

Not to mention, it may give a guy pause after finding out you went from being with women for years and now all of a sudden you are ready for the opposite.

 

I'm not saying it's impossible for someone to change her course and genuinely want/be able to go from women to being a traditional stay-at-home wife and mamma. But it may give some people pause for sure!

 

Why the extremes? Is it because of time as a factor and wanting children?

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...