A serious problem

[barkeep1967]

OK i have not posted in a long time. I have been doing much much better and have actually realized my wife did me a favor by leaving. I am happier now then I have been in a long time Now here is my problem.

 

My about to be ex wife's boyfriend. I have found out some things that really disturb me. I know he told her he was never married which is a lie. When I found out about that I did some checking. Turns out this guy has 3 separate orders of protection against him and 3 separate convictions on domestic violence. Now if it was just her it would be her making her own stupid decision. we do however have 3 children. 2 of which live with her and 1 of them is only 7.

 

I have no clue how I can tell her and have her believe me. I have been thinking that I can just print off the court records and confront her but I know that will not go well. My best guess is print them off and send them anonymously and hope she gets it. I do not want my children exposed to this at any cost. I am fighting for joint custody but still ? Any ideas ?

[DN]

I think you should show these records to your lawyer and ask his advice. It may be that he will want to use them in the custody hearings and perhaps your wife will get to see them that way and reconsider.

[shessofly]

i was just about to suggest what DN just said. i think that would be the way to go.

[Shortpants]

Yes, I wholeheartedly agree with DN and She's. Collect the info you have and bring it to your lawyer. Like you said, if it was just her, it would be one thing. NO WAY I would allow a violent, lying dirtbag around my kids. You could also anonymously report to CPS or Child Welfare, but I honestly think the lawyer route is best for your situation. You have no "proof" that anything is happening now, so the CPS route may cause more harm than good.

 

Please do this as soon as possible, your kids are more important than any possible backlash from your ex getting mad about it.

 

I wish you all the best and hope you can get your kids out of this potentially dangerous situation.

[BIGIDFSH]

Yikes, go straight to a lawyer without warning her? If your goal is to have full custody of your children, then yes this is a great tactic to make her look unfit, if that's what you want? I don't know the whole story.

 

But hey if she doesn't know about this guy then she doesn't even know she is putting your children in danger and can she really be blamed for not knowing???? Abusive men start off VERY charming. Can you give copies of the papers to one of her family members or friends or something to warn her before going to your lawyer? Maybe she will dump the guy immediately. Unless you think she is an unfit mother regardless of this guy?

[Baily]

Heck no! Meet her and tell her. If she gets physically hurt and u knew about his past but never told her...I wouldn't want to live wit that.

 

TELL HER. Meet her and say , I probably should not be looking into who u date but I got a weird vibe from him and did a background check. Show her the paper and say he has a ery violent history and while we may not get along I do nit want you or our kids hurt.

 

The decision is then up to her.

 

You MUST show her.

[barkeep1967]

sorry double post

[barkeep1967]

Thanks all.

 

The family member may be the best way to go. I just don't think she would believe me. No she does not know and I do not believe she would ever endanger the kids on purpose. While no she is not a great mother right now she does love our children. I am just hoping when she become aware she will do the right thing.