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Have u ever heard that sayn u either die looked up to or live long enough to be hated by everyone, well im a living example u see i have no purpose well i thought i did but now everythings bleak un-interesting hopeless, i could say im suffering from depression cause i am, but i dont seem to care......for the most matter i dont seem to care about anything anymore. I have no friends, no girlfriend, no job, no car, no hobbies, no life. Most of everything i lost during the transition of somethng to nothing, man i sure wish things hadnt turned out like this but hey this is life right? i mean the world doesnt owed me anything, it just never replaced the essential THINGS its taken in my life. Or maybe material¿ do u really "need" friends, girlfriends, jobs, cars, or hobbies? or are those just the bonuses u stumble accross in life?


I can sleep.....wenever my body can no longer resist i can sleep. there isnt any insomnia there never was. sometimes in my fantasies normal people cry themselves to sleep, vent on internet sites, in refuse to believe they are worth it. for the most part maybe you could tell me "Am I a Loser?" or a young guy just experiencing the downside of life. I really dont know what to expect whenever EVER, i cant remember how my life was before this...its like all this hatred in confusion has zapped everything from me. i wanna talk to God or my guardian angel, or go back in time with the spirit of holliday past or maybe even meditate with holy monks, something.....something to get some hope or enlightenment. i find myself grasping on to somthing that i have no clue about, every step i take is embarrassing and humiliating in its on way like the dream when ur naked at school.....no???, well bare with me. I have let everyone beat me at this game called life, its sad i never thought i was every playing until it was too late. Never thought i was a threat...to anyone, im a kind guy i treat people like i want to be treated. Maybe im suffering from maximum hateritis, i ODd on hateraway or something the dose was too high its effects have reversed and is now attracting instead of shooing.


Naru (reffering to myself in the third person) eyes never stop watering. they constantly water am i sad? i should be in college right now experiencing life enjoying being a stupid young adult but no im deep within total despair "inside looking in the box?" i see...... * * * * ! i could possibly try out for american emo instead without the cutting thats pointless. well thats it tell me, give me ur advice.

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