Ex-Gf of 5 years may have lied about being a virgin??

[j416]

okay So this goes back a long ways. me and this girl started dating when she was 17 i was 19. she made it clear she was a virgin in the beginning so we took it slow. no biggie i liked her a lot. we spent a ton of time together in the beginning and got very close very fast. probabaly was 2 months before we slept together.

 

after about 2 years, i get a random e-mail from a foney e-mail account. saying something like "you might want to ask your girlfriend if she really was a virgin" or something to that effect. my heart stopped i was furious \ sad. i have terrible trust issues. So i call her, dont tell her anything just tell her to come over and we need to talk. she came by, and i didnt say a word. i showed her the e-mail. She read it and instantly became furious and upset with it, Pleading to me that it was not true. She's a terrible liar, i could read her just as good as her mother. she started crying and kept insisting it was untrue.

(but she also knew if it was true, and i caught her lying, i would end it in a split second).

 

i e-mail the person back asking for more info, and never got a response. weeks later i log into my comp and her e-mail is still open. (bad i know but i looked through it) i went into the sent items, she had also e-mailed the person asking why they would say that, and she was pissed in the e-mail. (she never told me she e-mailed the person, she also didnt know who they were). I truly did believe her, she couldnt lie, let alone right to my face sitting her down the way i did. She was the most honest person i've ever met, and never gave me any reason to ever bieleve she was cheating or lied.

 

now fast forward to a little after the breakup, im out with a friend of mine, who brings this up with me, not the e-mail but that she may have slept with someone. i asked how she knew, and she said that some of my ex's friends told her. and the crazy thing is, is that i know the guy who allegedly slept with her.

 

Now all of this being said, i know it doesnt matter now, cuz were broken up, but im still very curious. she did admit to fooling around with this guy i know a bunch of times, i knew about it from before. but she said it didnt go further. so maybe her friends are just assuming she slept with him? or maybe she told them she did to get them off back and kinda fit in with the rest of the * * * * s. i dont know. What do i do? i need some opinions here.

 

I know the guy quite well, and see him few times a year. should i ask him? i wouldnt be mad at him at all, not his fault. but it would definitely subside my left over feelings for her. and reassure that i made the right decision by ending things.

 

any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[hexaemeron]

Wow, way to ruin a relationship there, fella. Who cares if she was a virgin or not? If you cared about her and she treated you well, what did it even matter? Five years and this is what you do, over that?

 

Well, I hope you're happy at least.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Leave it alone. It is no point dredging this up. You were together for 5 years so obviously there were lots of other things about her that you really liked. Now you are broken up. I have to wonder why everyone is bringing this up so many years after the fact. What kind of people are these people anyway who send anonymous emails to you and walk up to you and say ..."remember 5 years ago when you thought your gf was a virgin, well she wasn't". What kind of people do stuff like this?

[Seraphim]

After you break up it is really none of your business. And like CAD said...who sends emails like that? Jealous yahoos that want to create trouble and have some sick sense of vengence. Really if you are broken up just get on with your life.

[j416]

yea thats true, when we first starting dating there was a lot of jealous guys. My ex was one of those in the popular hot chick click's in high school. so everyone was after them.

 

and yea good point, i do bieleve her. like i said she couldnt lie, and she really did seem like she was telling the truth.

 

 

And i didnt break up with her cuz of this, i dont really care that she was with someone before. i would be more upset that she lied. This had nothing to do with the breakup, ppl started talking about it again after we had broken up. (it was also an ex-gf that told me who wants me back, so that could also be a lie)

 

Us breaking up had nothing to do with any of this, we got in a rut, and i was stupid and bailed out instead of trying to fix it. i figured i was too young to settle down etc etc. Regretted it everyday since, do a search on my name, it was the lowest point in my life. im doing better now, but still regret it. she was an amazing chick, beautiful, smart, honest and loved me. and i ruined it all. blah. i would kill to get her back.

[j416]

so i shouldn't ask about this. wouldn't you guys want to know the truth at all?

[hexaemeron]

so i shouldn't ask about this. wouldn't you guys want to know the truth at all?

 

No? Who cares? I mean, you're not together now. There's no reason to care. Hell, even if you were still together, this is such a non-issue, unless you practice a faith or represent a moral code where virginity is some holy grail of piousness and virtue.

[Miss Firecracker]

I think you shouldn't ask him, it doesn't matter at this point.

[j416]

what if we were going to possibly get back together? i know its prob not going to happen, but i would like it too one day. would it not be something you would like to know if she's been lying about for so many years?

[HouseKitten]

Why does this matter so much to both of you?

 

Are either of you religious? Does she have any reason to have lied about it - for example, did you ever indicate that you preferred virgins, or something similar?

 

It seems very odd that you both had such extreme reactions to this. Perhaps she had sex when she was younger, once, and felt it was a huge mistake and referred to herself as a virgin since then because she wanted to pretend it didn't happen. Perhaps this other person was just stirring up problems and you can't actually read her as well as you assume you can.

 

Although I would be curious, I don't think it should be such a big issue. It was several years ago and it doesn't sound like she cheated, she just might not have been a virgin, which isn't even such a big deal these days. Hell... are you sure she wasn't abused when she was a kid and therefore not a technical virgin, but just hadn't had sex willingly?

[j416]

i dont think of it as a big deal at all, to be honest i would have preferred it. that was an issue with me, i worried she would stray not having been with anyone else and have been curious. i was petrified of that. the virgin thing doesnt bother me at all. it was more the keeping a lie for that long.

 

but i really do trust her, so im not going to bring it up and i will forget about it. when i asked her to her face directly, i really feel she was telling the truth. i dont know why i listen to my friends that dont know either of us.

 

now i just need to figure out a way to try to get her back in my life. i miss her like crazy, its been 6 months and i feel like its the first month still. still think about her constantly. especially now that its summer and all my hobbies i love doing, i loved doing them with her.